justagirl09 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I met a guy on a dating site last night. He is pretty mature for his age, it seems. We got along really well, and I did feel an attraction. I usually can tell within the first 5 minutes. Anyways, i am in my mid-thirties and he is in his mid-twenties, specifically he is 12 years younger! I really don't think anything serious will come out of this, but I think he could be a good guy to hang out with, go on dates, etc. I really do enjoy his company. Last night, he said he hopes he gets to see me again really soon. Anyways, my issue is this. It doesn't happen with everyone, but every once in a while, i meet a guy where I just feel this instant spark. That happened with this guy, but I don't want to get sprung! I know how this will go if I let it, and last time, i got majorly burned. I had to force myself NOT to text him last night after we parted ways, and I have to force myself NOT to text him now. I happen to know if a guy is interested in you, then he will text you and want to talk to you. He is the one who initiated contact. He gave me his number and i gave him mine, and he took the first step. So, what do i do so that my head is not spinning over this guy? yeah, its one of those guys where you feel instant butterflies in your stomach! i feel like i am 16 right now lol. HELP! ugh
norajane Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Ideally, you'd stop building him up in your head as the most wonderful human being ever just because you feel that spark. I think that's what gets people hooked - they feel the spark and then suddenly, all they think about are his amazing wonderful fantastic qualities...which, really, are mostly imagination working overtime to make him fit your dream ideal. Keep reminding yourself he's just a guy with faults and flaws along with the good qualities. He puts his pants on one leg at a time, and somewhere out there are a string of his exes who hope to never see or hear of him again and curse the day they ever got involved with him.
Author justagirl09 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 I know its my imagination working overtime. I am going to try to distract myself and eventually I will forget lol. The most important thing right now is for me not to get that itchy finger to text him!
deux ex machina Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Haha. I'm taking norajanes's advice myself! ahhhh...you're enthusiatic and romantic and imaginative. All lovely things. It would be nice if you don't end up all skittish and torn by men like me, though - so take norajane's advice.
deux ex machina Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I know its my imagination working overtime. I am going to try to distract myself and eventually I will forget lol. The most important thing right now is for me not to get that itchy finger to text him! Give your phone to a trusted friend to hold onto?
Author justagirl09 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 If only it were that easy! but I won't chase, so im not touching that dial!
deux ex machina Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Good for you (I wouldn't either, it sounded like you were out of control for a minute there! ).
jerseyboy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Im apparently the only one on the thread who doesnt understand why you cant text him
norajane Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Im apparently the only one on the thread who doesnt understand why you cant text him We've learned from experience that frequent texting brought about by eager interest and enthusiasm can cause guys to magically disappear out of fear of clinginess or flagging interest due to being "too sure" of her.
boogieboy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 If you already know nothing serious will come out of this, then stop seeing him and bail out now. You wont be able to resist getting attached for too long.
Author justagirl09 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 If you already know nothing serious will come out of this, then stop seeing him and bail out now. You wont be able to resist getting attached for too long. Well, i am not entirely sure nothing will (look at Demi and Ashton), but I just saw him last night so to text him already might seem too eager. Maybe when it gets closer to the weekend.
jerseyboy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 We've learned from experience that frequent texting brought about by eager interest and enthusiasm can cause guys to magically disappear out of fear of clinginess or flagging interest due to being "too sure" of her. Gotcha Dont agree, but understand now.
Ody Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I had to force myself NOT to text him last night after we parted ways, and I have to force myself NOT to text him now. I happen to know if a guy is interested in you, then he will text you and want to talk to you. He is the one who initiated contact. He gave me his number and i gave him mine, and he took the first step. Be careful with that if you're going to play this game. I had one chick text me literally 25 hours after our first date. It was something like "ok a day has gone by and no message, care to tell me what I did wrong?" Talk about a turn off. I probably would have been up for a date two until I read that.
InspiredbyYou Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 That happened with this guy, but I don't want to get sprung! I know how this will go if I let it, and last time, i got majorly burned. I had to force myself NOT to text him last night after we parted ways, and I have to force myself NOT to text him now. I happen to know if a guy is interested in you, then he will text you and want to talk to you. He is the one who initiated contact. He gave me his number and i gave him mine, and he took the first step. So, what do i do so that my head is not spinning over this guy? yeah, its one of those guys where you feel instant butterflies in your stomach! i feel like i am 16 right now lol. HELP! ugh Too late you are in WAY over your head emotionally already. The last thing you should do is kid yourself into thinking you can do a casual "no strings" relationship with this guy. You will get hurt. Walk away or accept you will get hurt.
Ody Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 We've learned from experience that frequent texting brought about by eager interest and enthusiasm can cause guys to magically disappear out of fear of clinginess or flagging interest due to being "too sure" of her. Bleh we only dissapear if we're not that into it. The immediate texting just might just make it happen quicker if we're not into it from the start. If a guy is reciprocal with the feelings he'll be thrilled to get some quick texts unless they are full on psycho like "I can smell our babies" or "are you a deep sleeper" or something.
New Again Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 You need to think about the men you date.
Ody Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Too late you are in WAY over your head emotionally already. The last thing you should do is kid yourself into thinking you can do a casual "no strings" relationship with this guy. You will get hurt. Walk away or accept you will get hurt. Where was it said that this is NSA or nothing? Are people already advising to dump this guy after one great date based solely on his age?
InspiredbyYou Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 In the OP: I met a guy on a dating site last night. He is pretty mature for his age, it seems. We got along really well, and I did feel an attraction. I usually can tell within the first 5 minutes. Anyways, i am in my mid-thirties and he is in his mid-twenties, specifically he is 12 years younger! I really don't think anything serious will come out of this, but I think he could be a good guy to hang out with, go on dates, etc. I really do enjoy his company. Last night, he said he hopes he gets to see me again really soon.
jerseyboy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Bleh we only dissapear if we're not that into it. The immediate texting just might just make it happen quicker if we're not into it from the start. If a guy is reciprocal with the feelings he'll be thrilled to get some quick texts unless they are full on psycho like "I can smell our babies" or "are you a deep sleeper" or something. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I dont think Ive ever heard a guy friend dump a girl over a little too much early attention, unless its something out of the oridnary bizarre liek talking about children as you mentioned. I have heard a lot fo guys lose interest and stop calling a girl they thought was playing mind games, or it seemed as if she was, by seeming distant
Ody Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 In the OP: TY missed that, my bad. OP why do you think nothing will come of it? Just a gut feeling (I'll admit sometimes the gut is right...) combined with age?
deux ex machina Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 The OP is wondering how not to get in over her head. I think giving eachother a lot of space to get to know one another is good. What's the rush? This isn't about waiting a certain amount of time or playing games.
Ody Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 This isn't about waiting a certain amount of time or playing games. To me deliberately holding off on sending texts due to some notion that the guy should be the one to send it first is pretty much the definition of playing games. Not necesarily done maliciously but games nevertheless. From the OP: I had to force myself NOT to text him last night after we parted ways, and I have to force myself NOT to text him now. I happen to know if a guy is interested in you, then he will text you and want to talk to you. EDIT - To clarify I'm not claiming that playing games makes you a bad person or anything.
deux ex machina Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 To me deliberately holding off on sending texts due to some notion that the guy should be the one to send it first is pretty much the definition of playing games. Not necesarily done maliciously but games nevertheless... EDIT - To clarify I'm not claiming that playing games makes you a bad person or anything. I missed the part that the man must call first. Well, I don't believe in that personally, I know a lot of people do. I still think I'm right about taking time, though. Not rushing in, respecting the other person's space, ect.
Ody Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I missed the part that the man must call first. "I happen to know if a guy is interested in you, then he will text you and want to talk to you" is pretty much a fancy way of saying this, as far as I'm concerned. I realize there are semantic differences but let's get real. It's the notion of "I can't text because if he likes me he'll text first" that is throwing me off. OP doesn't seem to be waiting due to the reasons you say (which are much more reasonable) but instead due out of some mix of stereotypes about what younger guys are like and who is supposed to call first.
sedgwick Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 "I can smell our babies" HA ha ha ha ha!!!!!! Oh my god, that's totally the text I'm now going to send to every guy I go out with. Personally, I don't think there would be anything wrong with sending him a text just saying "I had a good time, thanks," or something along those lines. That's polite and indicates interest without, y'know, smelling the babies.
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