viktor Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 First of all I just want to introduce myself as this is my first time posting on this forum. My name's Viktor and I was appointed here by my cousin who I have been talking to about my situation. Anyway, I met this girl a few weeks ago. She seemed really nice and cool the first time I saw her at my friend's party. Ever since that weekend I've been hanging out with her and her friends, not only because of her but because I though everybody else is cool too. So after having spent a few nights with them I told one of my best friends to come over and hang out with us, so he did. The next day we ended up talking about her. I said I liked her and I realized that he likes her too. Ever since then (it's been a little over a week now) he has been coming with me to hang out with her and the other friends almost every day. Now this guy is really one of my best friends. I had known him for a while and we are about to move in together and be room mates until we get out of college. A few days ago we were both hanging out with her and the other guys. He left earlier than me that night and as soon as he got home he texted me to see if I was hitting on her. At this point I had had a few drinks and said "just a little bit". He then answered "you mofo. I wish she had some sense in her lol man i really want to be with her but not just for sex" He then texted me how his last girlfriend, who he dated for 4 years and broke up with just a few months ago, was the only person he has had sex with. I'm not really sure what he meant by his first text or why he told me about his ex, but I'm sure he wasn't happy that I was trying to "get" with her, even though I was not really doing anything because I was too drunk and lazy at that point. I told him I'm in no shape to talk about complicated matters at that point and said we should talk about it tomorrow. So they next day he texted me the usual "whats up" message, followed by "how did you and Brittney go last night?" I ignored the message for an hour and the he texted me a question mark like he was really curious and somewhat mad that I didn't answer. I said nothing happened and then he sounded somewhat relieved and we just carried on about planning out what we are gonna do that night. My friend is really good with girls. Ever since I had known him (more than 8 years now) he had girlfriends all the time. Throughout high school he changed many girlfriends and dated the last one for 4 years. I, on the other hand, am very shy with girls and don't have a whole lot of confidence. I have never really been in a serious relationship. Not because I never wanted to, but because I'm to shy to ask girls out and make the move. The way I have always seen it (even before we met this new girl) is that my friend just has to have a girlfriend all the time for some reason. He dated maybe 7 different girls in high school and I always figured that he just needed one all the time. To me he just seems kind of desperate for a girlfriend. It's like he met this new girl he liked and wants to try his chances immediately to see if it works out or not. As far as I'm concerned, it's been about 3 years since I last had a crush on anyone and I feel like I have things in common with her so I want to do something about it as well. I don't really think she's aware at all that we both like her, and I still haven't talked to her about any of this and I don't think my friend has either. So what do I do now? I want to ask her out but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. At the same time I know if I don't do it my friend will, and because he is good around girls the relationship will probably work out for a while and I will be heartbroken. I think that about covers everything. It took me about 45min to put this complicated story together so be nice to me if I'm doing something wrong. I'm just trying to see what's the right thing to do. Thanks
Bejita463 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Your friend is a dick. He's not your friend. Real friends don't pursue women their friends are interested in. That is a no-fly zone, and if he valued your friendship he wouldn't be violating your air space. What he should be doing is trying to help you out. As for the girl, have you tried asking her to hang out away from the crowd? It's easy enough to do. Just select something low key that you were planning to do anyway, and invite her along. That way your plans don't hinge upon her answer and there's no pressure on her. I wouldn't rush things, but if you wait too long it is a safe bet your "friend" won't make that same mistake.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 All's fair in love and war. Go for it, dude. Besides - you have more time invested, and you knew AND liked her, first. Why in the hell are you even considering bowing out and letting this guy go after her? For all she knows - YOU could end up being the love of her life...but how will she ever know if you don't go for it?
DustySaltus Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I lost a very good friend through this same scenario. He ended up bad mouthing me to the girl behind my back. He told her I was a womanizer and would just try and sleep with her, blah, blah, blah... I was supposed to go out on a date with her and she canceled the last minute. They have been going out almost two years now. The next time I saw him we were playing basketball and we got into a little argument. Gave him a good hard slap to the face (wasn't worthy of a punch) and never spoke to him again. I'm talking about a real close friend here too.. What you have to ask yourself is what is worth more: Friendship or a Relationship. Who knows, she may not even like him like that. But that's besides the point. The main thing is YOU invited HIM to this party. You were already pursuing her and he should take a step back. If he's so good with women anyway, he'll be ok..... I say go for it. Let him know where you stand and if he's really your friend he will not stand in your way. Let us know what happens. Good Luck.
jerseyboy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Your friend is a dick There is an unspoken rule. You saw her first. I only ever once dated a girl who a friend saw first. He needed a ride to Rutgers, didnt have a car, so begged me to drive him there and drive them around. And I ended up leaving him there, picked him up the next morning. Hes like ehh nothing happened, she wasnt interested He ended up giving her my number, she called and asked if I wanted to do something. WTF I told her no, hes my friend, so she conference called him to have him tell me it was ok. Then I called him after and he was like seriously , its ok. That said bro, you have to be smart. I have guy friends who dont elt me near their gf's, we dont hang out together. I even had one good friend, which was actually pretty smart, tell me the day after i met her that (and he did it so well) listen, dont take this hard, she thinks you are goofy. I was liek wtf. He slike yeah, she doesnt hate you or anything,s he just kept saying how goofy you seemed to her. So yeah I never wanted to hang out with them When he broke up with her,cheated on him, I was like good f'k her. He starts laughing and saying how he just told me that because she kept telling him your friend is really hot, and he knew it would keep me from talking to her.
Malenfant Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 you saw her first, your friend has no claim over her at all. It may be that the only reason he's bothered about her is because he knows you like her, sort of a double conquest if he succeeds. make your move on the girl, you've got nothing to loose, i'm sure your 'mate' will just find some other girl to target. as another poster replied (took the words out of my mouth) alls fair in love and war. Faint heart ne'er won fair maid and all that
Author viktor Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Thanks for all the support guys. I will keep you updated on how things go. So far everything is the same Is it OK to "claim" people like that? I mean it just sounds a bit wrong because I don't want to treat anyone like an object. Oh well I guess it's a different scenario now... I talked to one of my other best friends. Actually him and my other friend don't really get along well anyway so naturally he was on my side, though he agreed that it was kind of messed up regardless. He told me to just go for it and ask her out because I had nothing to loose. I kind of agree with that and I think I might ask her out this weekend. Do you guys have any recommendations about how I should do it? Do you think dinner would be appropriate? There's a really good restaurant in town that she hasn't been to so I was thinking about taking her there. Thanks
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Is it OK to "claim" people like that? I mean it just sounds a bit wrong because I don't want to treat anyone like an object. Oh well I guess it's a different scenario now... It's called going after what you want. Girls like that in a man. I think I might ask her out this weekend. Do you guys have any recommendations about how I should do it? Do you think dinner would be appropriate? There's a really good restaurant in town that she hasn't been to so I was thinking about taking her there. Bite the bullet and go for it. Quit thinking about it, or you'll psyche yourself out. Dinner sounds fine to me.
phineas Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 My buddies girl literally threw herself at me one night. She was ready to go & he had no idea. I turned her down & told him as soon as she wasn't around. Our rule was we had to call her first. Like Shotgun. If your crashing and burning you do the right thing. you tag out & assume wingman position. Let someone else have chance. Everyone has to take one for the team a few times. That's just how it's done. The OP's "friend" is probably nukeing him behind his back.
DustySaltus Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 My buddies girl literally threw herself at me one night. She was ready to go & he had no idea. I turned her down & told him as soon as she wasn't around. Our rule was we had to call her first. Like Shotgun. If your crashing and burning you do the right thing. you tag out & assume wingman position. Let someone else have chance. Everyone has to take one for the team a few times. That's just how it's done. The OP's "friend" is probably nukeing him behind his back. This is EXACTLY what the "man code" is in this situation.
Author viktor Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 Thanks guys you are really helping me out. I'm gonna ask her out when I get a chance. I've been a bit upset though because my friend is all over her facebook. I wanna talk to him about it but I dont know... I'm asking her out as soon as I get a chance though. At this point I don't even care what she says. I just wanna do it for the hell of it.
DustySaltus Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Thanks guys you are really helping me out. I'm gonna ask her out when I get a chance. I've been a bit upset though because my friend is all over her facebook. I wanna talk to him about it but I dont know... I'm asking her out as soon as I get a chance though. At this point I don't even care what she says. I just wanna do it for the hell of it. What is he saying on her FB and how is she responding? Let's put together a game plan to knock this weasel friend of yours out of the box. Sorry, but at this point, that's what he's become.
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