glamgurl Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 OKay so they say it matters what's on the inside and who the person is and how they feel about you and how you feel about them that truely matters right? But I'm wondering is that always enough? I mean what happens if outside factors such as age difference, different lifestyles, experiences, education, financial situation, etc. are pretty large in distance between two people? I'm seeing this guy (for about a month) and when we are together it feels so good and right and he really seems to get me and accepts me. Yes I know it's only been a month and it always seems good at the beginning but I get this vibe from him that I never got from anyone else ever, friend, boyfriend, etc. I like to think I kinda get people and have a "feel" for them. Eight hours with him feels like two we can talk for hours on the phone about real stuff, silly stuff, or just a moment of unakward silence. However my family thinks we are too different and it could never work. I know I should go with what I feel but could I be overlooking what everbody else sees? Am I just rationalizing an irrational relationship? When emotions are high logic decreases. I know there is no correct answer but I am just really confused. Should I take things slow, stop it all together, move forward as the relationship occurs or what? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Love is not enough, that's the harsh reality. There are so many other factors which makes a life long relationship last. For example, if you two have different financial goals and common sense, your future family will be doomed. If the person dresses like a slob and has no sense of how he looks in public, things are not going to go well long term. If he has different educational values and think that it's ok for your kids to not go to school and let them be "individuals"... prepare to DIE.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 However my family thinks we are too different and it could never work. I know I should go with what I feel but could I be overlooking what everbody else sees? Am I just rationalizing an irrational relationship? When emotions are high logic decreases.... Thanks. There IS a correct answer. What does your family see that you are not seeing... well you wouldn't be able to answer that because you are in the Honey Moon Phase... but.. what are some of the differences they have brought up to you?
justforfun Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 If the person dresses like a slob and has no sense of how he looks in public, things are not going to go well long term. Hehe..those dirty jeans and baggy hoodies have really gotten to you.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Hehe..those dirty jeans and baggy hoodies have really gotten to you. Traumatized man!
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Is love or something like it always enough? It's NEVER "enough." The two people involved have to be committed and willing to work through anything. That's more than just love. Because you can love somebody, but not have even the slightest idea what that means or how to truly show it. Besides that - what you're feeling right now fades. It's the newness, the excitement. And it will fade. There's an actual, chemical difference years into a relationship. That's not to say, though, that differences like you stated can't be bridged. I don't believe that at all. But there definitely has to be a sense of compromise and a willingness to meet in the middle. It also depends on the differences. To clarify what I mean, you can have two people of different Christian beliefs and perhaps one person's family is being pigheaded about the other person not belonging to "their" church. On the other hand, you could have a staunch Atheist and a zealous Christian dating each other and they could run into problems - especially if they decide to have children together. So what are the differences between you two and how big are they?
Malenfant Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 follow your heart my dear, if you feel no doubts in your heart then go for it. you cant live your life for your family or friends, only you know what is best for you. people on the outside only see so much, they dont truely understand your connection. I agree that sometimes love isnt enough, sometimes things do happen which make a relationship impossible, but thats for you to decide, not your friends or family.
justforfun Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I think that since you have only been dating him for a month that this conversation isn't even worth having yet.
Author glamgurl Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Well, there is a little over six years age difference. Me being older. My family doesn’t have a lot of money but we are comfortable for the most part. I was always spoiled and protected. His family does not have money and has struggled. I am seen as the good girl, nice, honest, sweet, etc. and he is not like me. He’s not so straight and narrow and good. Yes I know I may be one of the many girls who are attracted to the “bad boy” type. That’s not it though. I have always had a hard time opening up and sharing but I was able to open up and tell him things that I couldn’t tell the ex for a few months. He was dead on about me about a lot of things of who and how I am. He just seemed to get me and be able to sorta breakdown a very large wall I have around me. We do have common and important similarities. Both are ready for a serious relationship. We both want two children, we both believe in education, (I just have more at this time), family is important to both. We don’t exactly have the same view on religion but is not opposites. He has been able to show me and give me what the ex couldn’t. Maybe I’m reading too much into this I just don’t know. I am a very logical person and this situation is messing with my mind. Aghhhhh. Thanks for the input so far much, appreciated!!!!! =)
Malenfant Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Well, there is a little over six years age difference. Me being older. My family doesn’t have a lot of money but we are comfortable for the most part. I was always spoiled and protected. His family does not have money and has struggled. I am seen as the good girl, nice, honest, sweet, etc. and he is not like me. He’s not so straight and narrow and good. Yes I know I may be one of the many girls who are attracted to the “bad boy” type. That’s not it though. I have always had a hard time opening up and sharing but I was able to open up and tell him things that I couldn’t tell the ex for a few months. He was dead on about me about a lot of things of who and how I am. He just seemed to get me and be able to sorta breakdown a very large wall I have around me. We do have common and important similarities. Both are ready for a serious relationship. We both want two children, we both believe in education, (I just have more at this time), family is important to both. We don’t exactly have the same view on religion but is not opposites. He has been able to show me and give me what the ex couldn’t. Maybe I’m reading too much into this I just don’t know. I am a very logical person and this situation is messing with my mind. Aghhhhh. Thanks for the input so far much, appreciated!!!!! =) well, it sounds like you have the potential for a happy relationship. is it just the opinions of your family and friends that is messing with your head? or do you feel any conflict within yourself?
Author glamgurl Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Malenfant, Thanks for the input. I was a bit concerned about the age difference but I am age crazy. The ex was six years older than me and that was kinda weird for me but like I said I'm age obsessed (I'm working on that issue lol). Anyway, before the snide remarks from others, no, I myself had no real issues. But after the negativity, it is making me think. Is that bad?
Malenfant Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 Malenfant, Thanks for the input. I was a bit concerned about the age difference but I am age crazy. The ex was six years older than me and that was kinda weird for me but like I said I'm age obsessed (I'm working on that issue lol). Anyway, before the snide remarks from others, no, I myself had no real issues. But after the negativity, it is making me think. Is that bad? no, its normal i think. you're just being cautious and naturally want your family to like him. my ex was 12 years older than me. the age gap wasnt an issue and didnt contribute to our split. what exactly are the snide comments about?
Author glamgurl Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 You’re right Malenfant I am trying to be cautious and not do or feel too much at this point but feelings are increasing. I would like for family and friends to at least not complain and accept the relationship. I’m glad age differences aren’t always an issue as it wasn’t an issue for you. The remarks made were like, oh you can do so much better, there are so many other guys out there, you’re a smart girl why are you wasting your time, what could you guys have to talk about, have in common, etc. As I stated above we do have those core issues in common and many other smaller things. I didn’t say all those things we have in common to the family and that because I honestly hate having to justify myself to people all the time. I do argue back but it gets tiring. And thinking on it our personalities are different but compliment each other. He is a little more impulsive, fast, quick tempered, speaks his mind, etc. and I kind of keep him in check, like grounded a little bit, and bring reason and logic to situations. He is able to make me loosen up and be a little less inhibited and free like. It’s nice. I think you don’t want to be with someone too similar to you right? There has to be commonalities to keep you connected but differences to keep things interesting? Does that sound correct?
aerogurl87 Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 OKay so they say it matters what's on the inside and who the person is and how they feel about you and how you feel about them that truely matters right? But I'm wondering is that always enough? I mean what happens if outside factors such as age difference, different lifestyles, experiences, education, financial situation, etc. are pretty large in distance between two people? I'm seeing this guy (for about a month) and when we are together it feels so good and right and he really seems to get me and accepts me. Yes I know it's only been a month and it always seems good at the beginning but I get this vibe from him that I never got from anyone else ever, friend, boyfriend, etc. I like to think I kinda get people and have a "feel" for them. Eight hours with him feels like two we can talk for hours on the phone about real stuff, silly stuff, or just a moment of unakward silence. However my family thinks we are too different and it could never work. I know I should go with what I feel but could I be overlooking what everbody else sees? Am I just rationalizing an irrational relationship? When emotions are high logic decreases. I know there is no correct answer but I am just really confused. Should I take things slow, stop it all together, move forward as the relationship occurs or what? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks. If you two can come to a compromise about your differences then you are good to go. A good relationship takes more than love, well the "fairytale" variety anyway. It takes open, honest, and constant communication, trust, loyalty, and stability. Love in it's initial form is very unreliable and not too stable most of the time. So yeah a good relationship definitely cannot last on love alone.
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