Antai Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I'm getting bad vibes from my BFs ex, I think she's interested in him and even though he thinks "she's acting wierd" and tells me that he won't answer next time she calls, he still does that, and he says he doesn't want contact but he hasn't told her that yet.. just me. They'd been friends for years before we met(FWB from time to time, I gather). I don't want to come between him and his friends... I don't want to make him stop talking to her just because she makes me feel uncomfortable, I want him to do it because he wants to, if that's what he wants. She doesn't live in the same city as he, thankfully, but then neither do I.. we're in a LDR. can you be just friends with an ex? even if she doesn't seem to have really moved on? maybe I'm reading to much into this, should I leave it alone?
luvflower Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 sorry that no one responded to this before now. I understand how you're feeling. i've been there and i'm sure most people have. you're have every right to feel the way you feel. if he wants you to stick around he really needs to tell her because he wants to tell her to stop calling and that he has a girlfriend. things like this are never easy, but as a little times goes on i think you'll find it easier to decide whether or not you want to keep dealing with this or not.
Author Antai Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 thanks for answering yes I guess I'll just have to wait and see what will happen, he knows how I feel. Thanks for your time, sometimes it's just nice to get things off ones chest
ADF Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I hate to say this, but I would bet any amount of money your BF and his ex are still FWB, but you just haven't caught him yet. I could be wrong, but this very suspicious.
Author Antai Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Yes it is a bit suspicious but I thought he just wants to be friends with her and doesn't have the backbone to tell me so, cheating is a bit extreme don't you think? not something a nice person would do, eh, right? He's really open about his feelings normally, and we've both been cheated on before so we've talked about cheating quite a bit.. I'd be very surprised if he did that. But then, it is out of character for him to say he won't answer her calls and then do it anyways.. hm.. which is why I wrote here about it, I just can't figure out why he'd say something and then won't do it. I wouldn't suspect cheating though, because they haven't acctually met since he and I hooked up a couple of months ago.. not that I'm aware of anyway.. ..oh.
2sunny Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Yes it is a bit suspicious but I thought he just wants to be friends with her and doesn't have the backbone to tell me so, cheating is a bit extreme don't you think? not something a nice person would do, eh, right? He's really open about his feelings normally, and we've both been cheated on before so we've talked about cheating quite a bit.. I'd be very surprised if he did that. But then, it is out of character for him to say he won't answer her calls and then do it anyways.. hm.. which is why I wrote here about it, I just can't figure out why he'd say something and then won't do it. I wouldn't suspect cheating though, because they haven't acctually met since he and I hooked up a couple of months ago.. not that I'm aware of anyway.. ..oh. he hasn't shut down the communication with her because he enjoys corresponding with her... it must serve some purpose for him or he would never do it. why don't you ask him what purpose it serves? he may tell you... listen carefully. i would doubt that he'll give you the REAL, HONEST reason though. generally, men don't put time or energy into a gal unless they get a benefit from it in some means. he keeps in touch with her because he still cares... it feeds his ego... and he secretly hopes that sometime they may get back together. but i doubt you will actually get THAT answer when you ask him. let's see what he comes up with... watch and listen closely when he answers.
Author Antai Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 I did ask him about the latest call. He claims he just answer her calls because he thought it had something to do with the problems he's been helping her with since before he and I met. He's been supportive. The call wasn't about that though, which he expressed annoyed him, said he didn't want that kind of contact with her, he didn't say that to her though, he said it to me.(and I guess that's why I'm having a problem) He said he'll tell her next time. We'll see. Makes me feel strange that i have to point it out, seems like an obvious thing to do. They don't have a lot of contact, although it's increased recently to once a week-ish, that I know of, and when she calls he calls me to tell me she called him, and what she said. I'd like to think he does this everytime she calls but I don't know. Well, he's kinda friends with her family. Which makes things complicated, I guess he feels obligated to talk to her? I don't wanna be unreasonable, but I'm really confused about what this is. I think I'll wait until she calls again, see what happens, not much else do, right? thanks for all the response
2sunny Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I did ask him about the latest call. He claims he just answer her calls because he thought it had something to do with the problems he's been helping her with since before he and I met. He's been supportive. The call wasn't about that though, which he expressed annoyed him, said he didn't want that kind of contact with her, he didn't say that to her though, he said it to me.(and I guess that's why I'm having a problem) He said he'll tell her next time. We'll see. Makes me feel strange that i have to point it out, seems like an obvious thing to do. They don't have a lot of contact, although it's increased recently to once a week-ish, that I know of, and when she calls he calls me to tell me she called him, and what she said. I'd like to think he does this everytime she calls but I don't know. Well, he's kinda friends with her family. Which makes things complicated, I guess he feels obligated to talk to her? I don't wanna be unreasonable, but I'm really confused about what this is. I think I'll wait until she calls again, see what happens, not much else do, right? thanks for all the response sure there is - tell him to knock it off. how would he like you talking regularly with an old boyfriend, helping him out. get a boundary - and stick to it - or else he figures he can do whatever he wants and you won't say enough for him to act like a decent boyfriend.
Author Antai Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 That's the thing.. I already told him to knock it off.. kind of, I told him I don't like it, he knows that, he said he doesn't like it either, I suggested he'd tell her that... hasn't happened yet. I can say, break it off or I'll leave, but I want this to be his decision. It's worth nothing if he does it because I force him. Well, I'm not sure anymore, maybe I'm wrong about this and I should just give him an ultimatum, maybe that's the only way he'll really understand how much I dislike it and how shady I think it is. I don't like ultimatums though, but I'm no doormath either.
boogieboy Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 Youre right, it means nothing if you force him. He's probably keeping in contact with her just in case it doesnt work out with you. I dont know how long youve been dating, but I'm pretty sure if he felt he got all he needed from you he wouldnt need her. So you either have to step up your game to make him want to forget about her, or you have to forget about him. Right now youre in limbo.
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