colosseum Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 So until I just read this post, I unfortunately have been working under the assumption that when a woman finds you attractive, she will 1. give and maintain more eye contact, 2. be more willing to converse, 3. be attentive. I for some reason did not even consider the shy response: looking down, being less conversational, etc.etc... So...how common is the "shy" response, and when does it happen? What factors invokes a "shy" response as opposed to an extroverted one? (I ask because there is this girl I really like but in my few interactions with her have not been able to tell if she's being shy or if she just is not interested...I'm thinking it's more the latter which stinks, but...maybe there is still hope?! Lol frankly, probably not, but regardless...) Thanks, LSers; it's been a while...
Bejita463 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 #1 sign: When you invite them to get a cup of coffee with you, they say yes.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 There are other subtle body language cues to be on the lookout for. I can be shy for sure, but there's a big difference between being SHY and being COLD. Even when I'm nervous on say the first couple of dates with a guy, I still am able to manage a demure smile. Also - is she leaning TOWARDS you, or away? Does she angle her body so that she's full-on facing you, or turned slightly away? Does she appear interested in what you have to say, or is her attention easily diverted? Is she ACTUALLY listening to what you're talking about, or does she look like anything/everything is more interesting than you? I'm a big blusher. So if I get tongue-tied or flustered when talking to a guy I like, or I say something that I may judge as silly, I BLUSH and big time. Or it's even possible sometimes that I'm not even embarrassed about anything I did - I have a sudden thought about how attractive he is and I have a major physical response which includes blushing. Another thing - when I'm feeling nervous/shy - I fiddle. I mess with things on the table, stuff in my pockets, my hands, etc. But it's important to note that those actions are MIXED IN with being an active participant in the conversation. If somebody won't look you in the eye AT ALL and is fiddling with things, is not doing active listening (meaning you can tell they're actually listening because of feedback you receive from them), only occasionally gives a bored, "Uh-huh, yeah," then I'd say the signs are there that she's not actually into you.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I wasn't sure how to answer the questions about how common it was or what invokes it. The answer to that is going to be as individual as every single person on the planet. For me - the more attracted I am, the more shy/nervous I tend to be at first meetings. But I do eventually loosen up either with more time spent on THAT date, or with each subsequent date/interaction.
Bejita463 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 When she asks you to leave you wife, and you refuse, and then she tells you she stopped taking the pill in April, she's in love. Good thing you don't need her to be on the pill for anal.
thegreatmoose Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 #1 sign: When you invite them to get a cup of coffee with you, they say yes. Also - is she leaning TOWARDS you, or away? Does she angle her body so that she's full-on facing you, or turned slightly away? Does she appear interested in what you have to say, or is her attention easily diverted? Is she ACTUALLY listening to what you're talking about, or does she look like anything/everything is more interesting than you? I've had some recent coffee dates where she said yes and then she did the opposite. The women were turned slighty away, were distracted and didn't seem to care what I had to say. Sometimes they talked to people at other tables and other times they told me how easy it was for them to get dates. Saying yes to a coffee date means virtually nothing.
Bejita463 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I've had some recent coffee dates where she said yes and then she did the opposite. The women were turned slighty away, were distracted and didn't seem to care what I had to say. Sometimes they talked to people at other tables and other times they told me how easy it was for them to get dates. Saying yes to a coffee date means virtually nothing. So these women, rather than just saying no, go out with you and instantaneously begin ignoring you in a coffee shop they could have gone to at any time by themselves? You've met some interesting types.
thegreatmoose Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 So these women, rather than just saying no, go out with you and instantaneously begin ignoring you in a coffee shop they could have gone to at any time by themselves? You've met some interesting types. We have great email exchanges and I call and ask them out on the phone. It's not instantaneous and it's by no means every woman. It's often a response to me being nervous. Many women want a man to be cool and calm and of course confident.
Bejita463 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 We have great email exchanges and I call and ask them out on the phone. It's not instantaneous and it's by no means every woman. It's often a response to me being nervous. Many women want a man to be cool and calm and of course confident. Well, if they lose interest during the encounter, that doesn't mean they didn't have some small initial interest. That's the whole point of a coffee date, is it not? To see if you are interested beyond the initial phase?
thegreatmoose Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 (edited) Well, if they lose interest during the encounter, that doesn't mean they didn't have some small initial interest. That's the whole point of a coffee date, is it not? To see if you are interested beyond the initial phase? I agree. It's just amazing how quickly some go from being so interested on the phone to often being completely uninterested within the first 10 minutes. Edited November 29, 2009 by thegreatmoose
jerseyboy Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I've never been good at reading women that way. There is no weeding "signs" for me unless shes really really obvious. Even when shes showing all the "signs" you think would demonstrate interest. Looking at you often, smiling etc, doesnt mean she doesnt have a bf etc when you go and approach. Women are flirty as well, or sometimes just want attention, or just to know they can grab your interest. And others aree just the opposite. Theya re totally into yuo and show no interest ata ll. Afraid to even look at you. Just talk to whomever it is you like. I never even bothered looking for hints.
cognac Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I'm curious about this myself. There is one girl at school who is always sitting in the same exact place at the same exact time every day, and I usually sit with her and we talk (and she laughs a lot at my comments/etc). I playfully poked her (to create kino) and she didn't necessarily move away. And a while ago she would get angry when I would look at other girls. She too has a goddamn boyfriend however, of two years. It's incredibly how every single girl I meet who isn't completely obese or mentally retarded has a ****ing boyfriend.
BobSacamento Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 #1 sign: When you invite them to get a cup of coffee with you, they say yes. O rly!? I think we may have a breakthrough here...
kizik Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Signs that a woman finds you attractive They talk to you They smile at you They laugh at your jokes They accept your invitations They say they had a good time When you go in for the kiss, they kiss you back They answer your calls They return your texts They let you touch their breasts They fellate you They have sex with you They accept your marriage proposal They birth your spawn
BobSacamento Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Usually eye contact is good. If they give you eye contact and a smile that's even better. If they ask you questions, that is even better and I usually feel golden. ^ I had this experience with a woman while getting new glasses this weekend. She gave all those signals and if I had asked her out I felt fairly confident that she would of said yes.
carhill Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 They talk to you They smile at you They laugh at your jokes They accept your invitations They say they had a good time When you go in for the kiss, they kiss you back They answer your calls They return your texts Fair warning though, regarding those women who seek emotional whores....they can make this part of the list really convincing. Some will even get a bit physical, and proactive. They know exactly what they're doing, which is feeding their ego.
kizik Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Fair warning though, regarding those women who seek emotional whores....they can make this part of the list really convincing. Some will even get a bit physical, and proactive. They know exactly what they're doing, which is feeding their ego. Oh carhill, believe in something, man.
BobSacamento Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Oh carhill, believe in something, man. hahaha I know right. If you think like him, why even leave the house?
carhill Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I believe time reveals all truths I also believe in trustworthy and loving friends, which is exactly where I am right now.
kizik Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Even if a chick is stringing you along, just enjoy the ride. Literal and figurative. Smart people know nothing is permanent.
BobSacamento Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Even if a chick is stringing you along, just enjoy the ride. Literal and figurative. Smart people know nothing is permanent. Indeed. Enjoy the ride. Perhaps even during the ride, turn the tables haha.
carhill Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Even if a chick is stringing you along, just enjoy the ride. Literal and figurative. Smart people know nothing is permanent. Especially marriage OP, I think it's good to accept a balanced viewpoint. OP, ask the 'shy' girl out on a date and proceed from there. If she's too 'shy' to date you, move on. If she is really attracted to you, she'll get over her shyness. BTW, IME, most of the attention whores I've encountered come off as 'shy'. Anecdotal, so YMMV.
HokeyPokey Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 When a girl starts avoiding you and making excuses, that's when she is no longer interested. A woman who is interested in a man, even if she's busy, will usually check her phone often to see if he's texted or called, especially after the first date or two. She'll probably even be willing to rearrange her schedule if she's really into you and will seemingly always be free for a suggested date. If she's lukewarm or unsure, she'll still respond positively to all correspondence and show interest in setting up another date, but more likely at her convenience rather than yours. A bit of nervousness is cute, but you have to make sure the woman is clear that you're interested or you're going to get friended.
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