SoulSearch_CO Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 worried - believe it or not, you're actually showing him why NOT to marry you. Because you've displayed temperamental and childish behavior when you didn't get your way. Breaking up with him didn't show him what it was like to live without you in the way you're hoping. If anything, it gave him a break from the constant harassment about getting married. Don't be too hard on yourself. NOBODY can ever say they've ALWAYS made perfect choices in a relationship (hell, I've made some ****ty choices). It might be a good idea for you to get a better grasp on who you are as an individual and get strong as a person. Then he can start to see who this person he's in relationship with really is and decide then if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. It's very unattractive if a man realizes your identity is tied up in him. Go out and find your own. When he sees you living your life to the fullest and having a blast - THAT'S when he'll start to see he can't spend the rest of his life without you (if he's the right person for you, that is).
Author worriedgf Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 I try to go out and have a blast. but sometimes i get scared. I try to spend as much time with him as i can (he doesnt have too many friends and doesnt complain about us spending too much time) but i get scared that he might be tempted to start chasing girls if he thinks i am having a blast somewhere
Malenfant Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 wow. Its not like that. I just love him a lot, and i felt that breaking up will make him miss me then decide he cant live without me. thats all. i am insecure you're missing the point, I dont doubt you love him, but you're totally out of order in trying to manipulate him. when you love someone you should show them respect and understanding. you're not doing either of these things. you're only thinking about what you want. Missing you and wanting to marry you are two different things. if you're not happy and secure in the relationship now, dont think that marriage will change that. the problem is with yourself, you need to adress your insecurities and not expect someone else to make you happy and secure. I feel for your guy, he's obviously treating you well, but thats just not enough for you. appreciate him and dont try to force him to do anything he's not happy with. you cant expect him to promise that he'll want to do something in 2 or 3 years time, and I think its admirable that he hasnt just caved in to your demands, he's being true to himself, respect him for that and FFS stop manipulating him or he'll be gone. Re-read all the replies, and actually think about what we're saying. you're not being fair to your BF.
D-Jam Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 but i realised that the threatening method may not actually be the best. what do you think i should do now? we have a good relationship, he loves me and treats me well, but i am thinking that if i go back now and start acting like i am indifferent about the marriage issue, it would seem false. i am very very confused right now. i dont know what to do. please help. i really love this man and do not want to lose him. i know he loves me, he is absolutely faithful.. Good men are hard to find and i want this one. I would appreciate if guys could also give me thier input. What you need to do is seek some therapy or read a few books. I personally think you're more in love with the idea of marriage than you are with him. Look at your actions...two months into your RL you are pushing him to marry you. Now it's 18 months and you have been playing games with him in some vain attempt to get him to marry you. My honest opinion is he likes you, but he's not ready yet...nor would 99% of the men out there be. Your actions only more or less make him skeptical of you as a possible wife. If he sees your games now, what would you do 10 years from now? Would you be pushing him right after the wedding to have kids? Would you get bored and leave him? or withhold sex or leave him immediately if you don't get your way? Take a step back and look at yourself from a 3rd person's view. You are basically acting like the women web sites like nomarriage.com warn us men about. You are the kind of woman my own father would tell me to walk away from. You are so hard-up to get married that you're trying to force it on the guy...and I have a feeling he would rather end up alone before marrying you. Cooking, cleaning, etc...that's not the judge of a good wife. The judge is when you spend a few YEARS (yes years) with him as his girlfriend and show him you love him, you're loyal to him, and you aren't a threat to his life and lifestyle. Likewise, you take that time to make sure he's the ideal man for you. Two months or even 18 months isn't a good test. What if you married him and he gained 100 lbs and became a selfish ******* to you? You seriously need to slow down. If he's a truly good man then he'll be there for you, but you need to stop thinking this is a race to snag him as soon as you can, thinking he'll dump you for a BBD. Frankly, if he's going to toss you away easily, then he's not a good man. Even if he marries you, it's not set in stone. If he wasn't a good man then he would cheat. You're insecure and way too infatuated with the white dress, rings, reception, and having "Mrs" on your name. I even believe you're more infatuated with that than you are with him...and if he were to end it 100% with you, you would be out trying to get the same out of the next guy. Your actions could make you into a divorced single mom down the road. Slow down and be patient. Marriage is a massive step for a guy...even more now with all the divorce laws against us. You can't expect a guy to just jump into it on a whim.
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 what do you think i should do now ENJOY the relationship for what it is and let things happen naturally. To push marriage after only 2 months is crazy! You don't know him that well and he doesn't know you that well either. Wait atleast a year before having a discussion about marriage. You should be just enjoying wild sex, and having fun, getting to know eachother.. Forget the marriage thing. Besides, you could very well change your mind and realize he isn't the guy for you. -I do have to say - BE "you". Don't be a doormat, or be someone you "think" he would want. If he can't love you and accept you for who you are, then he isn't the right man for you.
Recommended Posts