Need suggestions with a proposal

[jerseyboy]

OK

 

My gf and I have been on a semi break, since about a week ago thursday.

 

There was no ultimatum per se. More along the lines of these are her fears, mostly about children since were both in our 30's, and realistically her time is getting tight. So it kind of brought everything to the surface.

No arguments or anything, But I agreed it wasnt fair, and I needed time to think, and it would probably be easier for me to do it away from her. We still talk, just not over or going out all the time. I saw her last sunday for a few hours, and then she stayed over thursday. We usually see each other every day.

 

So my mind was back and forth all this time. Not that I dont love her, just wasnt sure if this was right for us. And partly , maybe a big part, fear of being trapped and regretting it later.

 

So like tonight it just kind of crystallized for me. Just something stupid and like an epiphany. I called her house, her friend Mary picks up, say hey, and ask to speak to Jessie. Shes teasing/game playing for her friend, and says shes getting dressed, were taking her out to show her there are other guys in the world..she needs to get laid. I didnt take it as anything, we joke around, and I trust her, was never any doubt in my mind, not because of me, but because of who she is. So she calls back afterwards , talk and real sweetly says (paraphrased)you know the deal with her, msos you. talk later etc

 

And it just struck me Im a f'ing azzhole. That I do trust her, not just tonight, but with me. If she had never called, I wouldnt of thought anythung bad. But also that she would call, even when I know her friends would be telling her to let him sweat, she doesnt play games and cares enough abotu me to want me to feel secure. And that I have been taking her for granted. Shes my best friend. Who else would put up with my bull**** over this, and how terrible I must be making her feel. All shes ever done is be good to me.

 

I can never say anything quickly

 

So heres the question.

 

How should I ask her. I dont want to ask her without a ring, but I have no idea how to propose yet. But I dont want to keep her waiting any more either. Not even for one mroe day. So Im thinking I want to tell her tomorrow, but not sure how to go about it. Because the4 decision is I do want to marry her, so can you seperate the two? Is that cheesy. And I feel liek I really need to apologize to her for being so stupid. Like something epic apology wise, and ask her forgiveness

 

Any suggestions

[tigressA]

I don't think you need to do anything epic apology-wise. Just be honest with her. Tell her that you're sorry and that you feel that what you did was stupid. Tell her, basically, what you wrote here--that you had time to think, you realized you were taking her for granted and that you don't want to do that anymore, that you trust her completely, that you want her in your life for the rest of your days.

 

As for the proposal...hmm, I don't know. Have you two discussed or gone looking for rings? Does she have one in mind? I'd say be safe and keep her waiting for that at least until you have a ring.

[jerseyboy]

I called her dad last night, asked if I could see him today. He told me if its what he thought it was, hes already taken, but flattered lol. They told me to come over late last night, so I did. It was a lot more nerve wracking than I thought it would be. And I ened up looking at baby pictures with her parents till like 2am. It was wonderful actually.

 

Im picking up the ring at 1pm. She always saidshe likes round cuts, no real adornments. My friend's brother is a pretty big wholesaler, and he sent me some pics/prices, so Im going there to look at a few up close and leave with one. She knows I have no taste. And I dont mind if shed want to exchange it. Im thinking about bringing her there this week, and letting her look around more, if there is something she likes better. Or a different setting. Im worried that tis a little too much, that someone would hurt her to steal it. Never really considered that before. Its a lot of money to carry on a finger.

 

I didnt really think through too well what I would say to her when she called. I was at her parents, so I walked outside and returned the call. I wasnt thinking straight, and I asked if I could see her tonight. But I had told her last week that I just wanted some time alone to think. She showed up last sunday because she knew I wouldnt want to go to an event alone. And then thanksgiving, which we had already planned. But she came right out and asked does that mean I had decided. And I was trying to think of how to say it without saying anything, and then she sounded very emotional and asked if it was bad, if Im "ending us" Then like the floodgates opened and like baby Im so sorry I put you through this, IM such an idiot, you should never have had to brought it up. I was scared of not being a good husband for you.(which is true) I wouldnt blame you if you always resented me for it, but please dont ever make me live without you

 

So yeah I was really subtle about it. Great practice for my next career as an international spy

 

So Im guessing she knows:) But she doesnt know Ill ask her tonight...I think. I have the room, its really beautiful, and she hasnt been there before , and has an amazing view.Owned by the company I work for, so it isnt an issue. But its too early to call a caterer, but Im thinking if I throw enough money around I should be able to do that part. Its fast, but I screwed up things enough in my mind making her go through this, so dont want to ruin the surprise at least.

 

I didnt trust myself on the phone with her, cause shes way to good at reading me. So I sent her an email that thsi whole thing has been crazy on both og us, and I was really moved by what she did for me last weekend (which is plasuible, because she knows it meant a lot to me) and I know its short notice, but she said she didnt have anything going on today, so I wanted to do something to show my appreciation. A special day for her. A car will pick her up at 2pm, have a spa day (which wasnt easy to do early in the morn). That Id pick her up at 7pm, in a suit, and was jonesing for Italian food, amybe dancing and to catch up, so dress for livin large (which is just a stupid joke thing between us). She called, and I texted back that Im with clients most of the day, working on a project, and it would be tough to get in touch with me. I know her,shes fishing. But its plausible enough that shell be wondering. I did something similar for her bday last June

 

No one needs to read this Im just thinkiing out loud lol

 

My sister is doing the caterer. My assistant is getting the room is ready. I have everyone scrambling on a sunday its nuts. I get the ring. I have to bring music. She made me some discs with her favorite songs. Im thinking mostly those, and there is a lot of Norah Jones on them, which she really loves.

 

I thoought Id feel apprehensive. And always thought if I ever asked someone, it would be mostly about them, never pictured myself feelign it as well. But ever since last night Ive been feeling these powerful surges of emotion for her. It seems opposite. Like I should have had them beforehand, and then thats why you ask. But its more like once I decided to ask, part of it feels like a wall came down, and there were all these emotions behind it that were blocked away. And also like letting go, like I was hanging on to something, and once I decided to let go, it just..liek falling off a cliff, but in a good way. And like these weird emotions I never imagined existed. Like I enver felt a desire to have kids, but last night I cant sleep, my heart is feeling so full, just bursting, and this was so much about children, and Im thinking what beautiful babies she would make, and picturing us actually making a baby, and feeling this powerful urge not just sex, but to impregnate her. Like this primal overriding instinct wanting no barriers between me and her womb. Just insane. And everything I think about her is just more. And Im thinking this woman si going to be my wife, and there is no fear, just ...elation...amazement

 

IM way out of control. Im typing here like an idiot, its like I have to get it all out., or ill explode

[New Again]

A lot of women either don't wear their engagement rings when they go out or plan on being out late; or they wear a cheap/fake cubic zirconia ring or something.

 

Good luck

[jerseyboy]

A lot of women either don't wear their engagement rings when they go out or plan on being out late; or they wear a cheap/fake cubic zirconia ring or something.

 

Good luck

 

 

Is that true. Makes sense. I never thought of it. I dont look at peopels jewelry.

 

Partly its because ive been to coutnires where you are told dont wear jewelry, such as Brail. They will literally cut your arm off if your driving with your hand out a window and wearing something.

 

And I was thinking about it and picturing someone harming her to get the ring. It isnt about her getting robbed per se, but injured.

[New Again]

Is that true. Makes sense. I never thought of it. I dont look at peopels jewelry.

 

Partly its because ive been to coutnires where you are told dont wear jewelry, such as Brail. They will literally cut your arm off if your driving with your hand out a window and wearing something.

 

And I was thinking about it and picturing someone harming her to get the ring. It isnt about her getting robbed per se, but injured.

 

Right; most (smart) women don't bring their engagement rings (or wedding bands either if they're diamond or otherwise flashy) when they travel abroad, even if they're not traveling somewhere dangerous or ghetto.

 

Second, if you can afford nice jewelry, I'm guessing you don't live in a ghetto, or spend much time in bad neighborhoods where this might be an issue, am I right?

 

It's sweet you're concerned, but honestly, the vast majority of women don't get mugged, regardless of flashy engagement rings.

[jerseyboy]

She lives in Manhattan. I live in N NJ. So I guess its kind of iffy depending on where she goes.

 

Especially a couple of her friends who she goes out with , kind of trend chasers, and that can bring you into not so good places. But I think shes probably thought about it like you obviously have, and wouldnt wear it if shes going somewhere potentially rough. And Im not worried when shes with me

[dudet]

OK

 

My gf and I have been on a semi break, since about a week ago thursday.

 

There was no ultimatum per se. More along the lines of these are her fears, mostly about children since were both in our 30's, and realistically her time is getting tight. So it kind of brought everything to the surface.

No arguments or anything, But I agreed it wasnt fair, and I needed time to think, and it would probably be easier for me to do it away from her. We still talk, just not over or going out all the time. I saw her last sunday for a few hours, and then she stayed over thursday. We usually see each other every day.

 

So my mind was back and forth all this time. Not that I dont love her, just wasnt sure if this was right for us. And partly , maybe a big part, fear of being trapped and regretting it later.

 

So like tonight it just kind of crystallized for me. Just something stupid and like an epiphany. I called her house, her friend Mary picks up, say hey, and ask to speak to Jessie. Shes teasing/game playing for her friend, and says shes getting dressed, were taking her out to show her there are other guys in the world..she needs to get laid. I didnt take it as anything, we joke around, and I trust her, was never any doubt in my mind, not because of me, but because of who she is. So she calls back afterwards , talk and real sweetly says (paraphrased)you know the deal with her, msos you. talk later etc

 

And it just struck me Im a f'ing azzhole. That I do trust her, not just tonight, but with me. If she had never called, I wouldnt of thought anythung bad. But also that she would call, even when I know her friends would be telling her to let him sweat, she doesnt play games and cares enough abotu me to want me to feel secure. And that I have been taking her for granted. Shes my best friend. Who else would put up with my bull**** over this, and how terrible I must be making her feel. All shes ever done is be good to me.

 

I can never say anything quickly

 

So heres the question.

 

How should I ask her. I dont want to ask her without a ring, but I have no idea how to propose yet. But I dont want to keep her waiting any more either. Not even for one mroe day. So Im thinking I want to tell her tomorrow, but not sure how to go about it. Because the4 decision is I do want to marry her, so can you seperate the two? Is that cheesy. And I feel liek I really need to apologize to her for being so stupid. Like something epic apology wise, and ask her forgiveness

 

Any suggestions

 

yeah I suggest not asking her you sound confused and immature

[jerseyboy]

yeah I suggest not asking her you sound confused and immature

 

 

Thanks

 

 

 

 

.

[jerseyboy]

Im off

 

I suck at subterfuge. A friend already called me asking if I was proposing tonight

[Ms. Joolie]

Best wishes to you and your wife-to-be! I read your post on here and always think you have a good head on your shoulders (Your input on here is what makes Love Shack happen...), and now reading this I see you have a heart of passion, too.

 

I'm sure your chosen bride is magnificent, and you all will have an exceptional life together. I hope so. ... complete with beautiful children.

 

Happy for you, and I don't even know you. lol. Just good to hear such passion, such love from a guy... and that he has found his match.

[chrissy001]

I'm so excited for you, CONGRATS!!!!!!!!! It sounds like you have it all covered.

[Johnny M]

How should I ask her. I dont want to ask her without a ring, but I have no idea how to propose yet. But I dont want to keep her waiting any more either. Not even for one mroe day. So Im thinking I want to tell her tomorrow, but not sure how to go about it. Because the4 decision is I do want to marry her, so can you seperate the two? Is that cheesy. And I feel liek I really need to apologize to her for being so stupid. Like something epic apology wise, and ask her forgiveness

I have to very strongly disagree with your planned course of action. It sounds like you got emotionally overwhelmed all of a sudden. Wait a few days and decide if this is really something that you want to do. Marriage is a serious matter and not something you do out of a feeling of guilt.

 

And if you decide to marry her, don't propose tomorrow. Wait at least a couple of months. You say there was no ultimatum per se, but of course there was. Why else would the two of you go on break? If you cave in so easily to such an obvious tactic, think about the message that it would send?

 

Also, I don't understand where the feeling of guilt is coming from. What do you have to apologize for? Marriage is not something you owe to your girlfriend. Only get married if that's what YOU want.

[jerseyboy]

Best wishes to you and your wife-to-be! I read your post on here and always think you have a good head on your shoulders (Your input on here is what makes Love Shack happen...), and now reading this I see you have a heart of passion, too.

 

I'm sure your chosen bride is magnificent, and you all will have an exceptional life together. I hope so. ... complete with beautiful children.

 

Happy for you, and I don't even know you. lol. Just good to hear such passion, such love from a guy... and that he has found his match.

 

 

Im a cliche Mediterranean.

 

Shes the same way minus the drama, so its a great mesh

 

So My fiancee pretty much knew it alla ong, although she says she had some doubts, because of how quickly it happened.

 

I hadnt considered shed want to go buy a dress,shoes and all the rest lol She did do the nails, hair, makeup thing, but dropped the rest because she didnt have enough time.

 

OMG she looked stunning. I mean as in I was literally stunned. In a lot of ways it has been like seeing her for the first time, like not as if shes a stranger, but just more clearly somehow. Her hair was up, she looked so elegant. Black dress, with like spaghettit type straps. She really looked so beautiful

 

Food was a waste lol. Neither of us could eat anything. The room was amazing, and I keep saying room, not like a bedroom. Just one used to entertain high level clients during the week. But Josh did an unbelievable job. I had a bought a video camera, cause I suck at that kind of stuff, but she tapes everything. So we do have video of it. It wqas probably the longest proposal in history. I just had so much to say to her, so many things bursting to get out. We were both tearing up.

 

She said yes:love:

 

And we sat by the fireplace and talked for a long time.

 

She definitely really loved the ring.

 

Afterwrads there were like a thousand phone calls. She ended up web chatting with her gf's and some family so they could see her and the ring. I was exhausted so I dozed off on the couch for a little. She woke me after she was done,a nd we stayed up the rest of the night. She had to work today

[jerseyboy]

i'm so excited for you, congrats!!!!!!!!! It sounds like you have it all covered.

 

 

ty:)

 

 

 

 

.

[Ody]

Congrats brother

[GorillaTheater]

Good job, JB, and congratulations!

 

Always nice to see a guy pull off "popping the question" with class. As opposed to how I went about it, I mean.

[Ody]

LOL I'm just sad b/c now he'll have better things to do and I'll miss the hilarious one liners

 

Is good though maybe I'll stop wasting so much time on this site when I should be working

[jerseyboy]

I have to very strongly disagree with your planned course of action. It sounds like you got emotionally overwhelmed all of a sudden. Wait a few days and decide if this is really something that you want to do. Marriage is a serious matter and not something you do out of a feeling of guilt.

 

And if you decide to marry her, don't propose tomorrow. Wait at least a couple of months. You say there was no ultimatum per se, but of course there was. Why else would the two of you go on break? If you cave in so easily to such an obvious tactic, think about the message that it would send?

 

Also, I don't understand where the feeling of guilt is coming from. What do you have to apologize for? Marriage is not something you owe to your girlfriend. Only get married if that's what YOU want.

 

 

Nah man, I appreciate what you are saying, it wasnt out of the blue.

 

I had already decided that I was going to ask. I pretty much knew the night I asked her for time to think. Neither of us are children, and it wasnt a situation where she had been pretending as to not wanting anything more, and just suddenly hit me with it out of the blue.

 

And it wasnt just marriage to consider. She wanted children,and that isnt something I had ever really felt a need for. Not fundamentqally opposed, but the thought of brining someone into the world.....just huge for me

 

But weve been together for 2 1/2 years. And Ive been very happy and grateful to be with her. And I always knew I didnt want to lose her. Rationally knowing I should be with her was never the problem.

 

What was bothering me was why am I not feeling it like I thought I should. Evene things I had felt before when I was younger. And I was telling myself that Im not younger any more, and IM different, the way Ill feel things is going to be different. But that wasnt it

 

I am a bit of a control freak. Just issues in my life that have nothing to do with anyone. But Im not a controlling person. I dont wish to tell people what to do, and dont. But what I do instead is just only let myself care about what I can control. And its hard for a woman to break in. More so the older I get. Its like adding a random variable.

 

And this weekend, it just hit me that all those feelings, the force of them, were there. They have been there all along. But I just kept pushing them down. Its difficult to explain, But its liek once I decided I was going to do it, there is no turning back, they justa ll came to the surface,.

 

Goofy thinbgs like Im looking at her llast night, and just marveling at how beautiful her ears are lol. Like Ive seen them so many times, but never really noticed withgt at kind of feeling before.

 

Shes an amazing person. And it isnt some emotionally charged realziation. Ive known it as long as Ive known her. Evene my guy friends, who never cared one way or the other, see it. Theyve told me for years Im nuts, you will never do better than her. I felt the same, I just needed time to see it was real I guess.

[jerseyboy]

And that thing about guilt.

 

Its a self awareness. If I had asked her, and she told me she needed a few weeks to think about it........

 

Shes a way better person than me.

[jerseyboy]

Thanks guys

[dudet]

lol control issues and control freak=same thing

probably why you want to get married to control. probably not a good idea sorry buddy

[mem11363]

congratulations

 

 

 

 

OK

 

My gf and I have been on a semi break, since about a week ago thursday.

 

There was no ultimatum per se. More along the lines of these are her fears, mostly about children since were both in our 30's, and realistically her time is getting tight. So it kind of brought everything to the surface.

No arguments or anything, But I agreed it wasnt fair, and I needed time to think, and it would probably be easier for me to do it away from her. We still talk, just not over or going out all the time. I saw her last sunday for a few hours, and then she stayed over thursday. We usually see each other every day.

 

So my mind was back and forth all this time. Not that I dont love her, just wasnt sure if this was right for us. And partly , maybe a big part, fear of being trapped and regretting it later.

 

So like tonight it just kind of crystallized for me. Just something stupid and like an epiphany. I called her house, her friend Mary picks up, say hey, and ask to speak to Jessie. Shes teasing/game playing for her friend, and says shes getting dressed, were taking her out to show her there are other guys in the world..she needs to get laid. I didnt take it as anything, we joke around, and I trust her, was never any doubt in my mind, not because of me, but because of who she is. So she calls back afterwards , talk and real sweetly says (paraphrased)you know the deal with her, msos you. talk later etc

 

And it just struck me Im a f'ing azzhole. That I do trust her, not just tonight, but with me. If she had never called, I wouldnt of thought anythung bad. But also that she would call, even when I know her friends would be telling her to let him sweat, she doesnt play games and cares enough abotu me to want me to feel secure. And that I have been taking her for granted. Shes my best friend. Who else would put up with my bull**** over this, and how terrible I must be making her feel. All shes ever done is be good to me.

 

I can never say anything quickly

 

So heres the question.

 

How should I ask her. I dont want to ask her without a ring, but I have no idea how to propose yet. But I dont want to keep her waiting any more either. Not even for one mroe day. So Im thinking I want to tell her tomorrow, but not sure how to go about it. Because the4 decision is I do want to marry her, so can you seperate the two? Is that cheesy. And I feel liek I really need to apologize to her for being so stupid. Like something epic apology wise, and ask her forgiveness

 

Any suggestions

[jerseyboy]

lol control issues and control freak=same thing

probably why you want to get married to control. probably not a good idea sorry buddy

 

 

I just wanted to say how cool and interesting you are.

 

And the whole androgyny thing you have going on smurfet, its really cutting edge.

 

I happened to read your post on a different thread, about guys and where they should and shouldnt be putting their hands, and couldsnt help but think how great it is to get the perspective of some young kid, likely working his first real gf, on adult matters. Because one rarely gets to see the benefit of an opinion so completely unencumbered by actual insight or experience. Thank you for that

 

And I say young because if you were actually older, that would be too creepy to contemplate

[dudet]

I just wanted to say how cool and interesting you are.

 

And the whole androgyny thing you have going on smurfet, its really cutting edge.

 

I happened to read your post on a different thread, about guys and where they should and shouldnt be putting their hands, and couldsnt help but think how great it is to get the perspective of some young kid, likely working his first real gf, on adult matters. Because one rarely gets to see the benefit of an opinion so completely unencumbered by actual insight or experience. Thank you for that

 

And I say young because if you were actually older, that would be too creepy to contemplate

 

you make no sense but good luck working on that