Pink Cupcakes Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 She saw your photo and isn't attracted to you as a romantic interest, but is genuinely interested in friends and people to talk to, since she's new in town. you don't have a shot in h*ll in dating her, but you do have a shot, with, like she said, friends. What she wrote about your coffee "date" was a nice way of saying "After viewing your photo, I am not attracted to you in any way, shape, or form - you are not my type and the day I kiss you or hold your hand as a romantic gesture will be a cold day in hell- but - I am looking for people to hang out with."
Ody Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) Also, she might not be ready to date now...but I'm very familiar with this region of town she lives in...it's rather "backwater" and everyone her age is married with 3 kids in this neck of woods. And the only options are 80+ World War II vets or toothless rednecks. lol So, for someone approaching 30, it might get lonely pretty fast. My god you are over thinking this. I get the impression you haven't even met this women in person yet, really don't know her very well. Why do you even care so much about what she really wants, or what's going on in her head? You don't know her enough yet to even make a good guess anyway. Obviously you should be a considerate caring and nice person but that does not entail basing your actions around the unknown needs of strangers/acquaintances. Focus on what you want, a date, and go from there. Much easier to figure out what you want than what she wants at this stage. If you had said something like "sure, but it's a date for me" then she either has to be really firm about how she *really really* isn't looking for anything, in which case you can just back out of the date or whatever since that's pretty lame, or she chuckles and says back some kind of fun small talk which means she's at least certainly considering you no matter what she says. But you already kind of missed the chance to say that, and forcing something like that into the conversation will just be awkward. Hopefully you can change the dynamic tonight. Maybe when you put your hand on her lower back for some really BS reason you can say "good thing we're just here as friends" or some such nonsense. I don't know if that's your type of humor, but if it is and you pull off something like that then you are in like flynn as BF/Hookup/Whatever material, I don't care if she has a notary sign the "this is not a date" email. To further make things muddy many people only have a vague and shifting idea what they want anyway. More reason not to overanalyze. Just concentrate on having a good time and don't screw it up if you have a chance to do something that obviously establishes a little romantic tension. Make sure you make a move if flirty opportunity presents itself so you can get back in the saddle on this one. Edited November 28, 2009 by Ody
Author b52s Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 My god you are over thinking this. I get the impression you haven't even met this women in person yet, really don't know her very well. Why do you even care so much about what she really wants, or what's going on in her head? You don't know her enough yet to even make a good guess anyway. Obviously you should be a considerate caring and nice person but that does not entail basing your actions around the unknown needs of strangers/acquaintances. Focus on what you want, a date, and go from there. Much easier to figure out what you want than what she wants at this stage. If you had said something like "sure, but it's a date for me" then she either has to be really firm about how she *really really* isn't looking for anything, in which case you can just back out of the date or whatever since that's pretty lame, or she chuckles and says back some kind of fun small talk which means she's at least certainly considering you no matter what she says. But you already kind of missed the chance to say that, and forcing something like that into the conversation will just be awkward. Hopefully you can change the dynamic tonight. Maybe when you put your hand on her lower back for some really BS reason you can say "good thing we're just here as friends" or some such nonsense. I don't know if that's your type of humor, but if it is and you pull off something like that then you are in like flynn as BF/Hookup/Whatever material, I don't care if she has a notary sign the "this is not a date" email. To further make things muddy many people only have a vague and shifting idea what they want anyway. More reason not to overanalyze. Just concentrate on having a good time and don't screw it up if you have a chance to do something that obviously establishes a little romantic tension. Make sure you make a move if flirty opportunity presents itself so you can get back in the saddle on this one. Well, I did finally meet her in person, tonight, we had a great long...appx 2 hour chat about everything. I found out more to the story about why she just wants to meet friends. For one, a couple of guys she met online previously me either moved to fast, or made inappropriate comments before even meeting (which caused her to cancel the date, she didn't even want to know him as a friend) One even got overly possessive after the first date, so her experiences prior to me....just guys moved to fast with her, so that's her thing there. Also, she mentioned she had in previously bad relationships (previous boyfriend cheated on her a lot), so she is currently happy being single. At the end of our "date", lol......she did say she wanted to this again on 2 occasions. So there it is.
jerseyboy Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Well, I did finally meet her in person, tonight, we had a great long...appx 2 hour chat about everything. I found out more to the story about why she just wants to meet friends. For one, a couple of guys she met online previously me either moved to fast, or made inappropriate comments before even meeting (which caused her to cancel the date, she didn't even want to know him as a friend) One even got overly possessive after the first date, so her experiences prior to me....just guys moved to fast with her, so that's her thing there. Also, she mentioned she had in previously bad relationships (previous boyfriend cheated on her a lot), so she is currently happy being single. At the end of our "date", lol......she did say she wanted to this again on 2 occasions. So there it is. So you didnt even get to first base Lame
Author b52s Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 A social networking site, is not really meant to be for dating. There are plenty of resources online geared towards that specifically (i.e. match.com). Neither is a grocery store, a house party, a college class where you're sitting next to a cute girl, etc. It can happen anywhere anyway. <shrug>
tkgirl Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Well, I did finally meet her in person, tonight, we had a great long...appx 2 hour chat about everything. I found out more to the story about why she just wants to meet friends. For one, a couple of guys she met online previously me either moved to fast, or made inappropriate comments before even meeting (which caused her to cancel the date, she didn't even want to know him as a friend) One even got overly possessive after the first date, so her experiences prior to me....just guys moved to fast with her, so that's her thing there. Also, she mentioned she had in previously bad relationships (previous boyfriend cheated on her a lot), so she is currently happy being single. At the end of our "date", lol......she did say she wanted to this again on 2 occasions. So there it is. sounds like it went pretty good not as great as a lot of the "guys" on here would have hoped for but oh well, if you're happy with how things went then that's all that matters, right? as a woman, meeting guys from "online"... networking sites or whatever... for the first time can be really scary.. of course we are going to have our guard way up! I think her saying it's "not a date" is just a defense mechanism... but she still wanted to meet you though so that's a positive sign! And she wants to see you again.. another positive!
Recommended Posts