Could they both be setting me up?

[luvflower]

Hi guys. I recently broke up with my ex while this other guy has been trying to reconnect with me as well. I have given my ex and the "other guy" reasons why I will not see them as they wish. They are good reasons, btw. OK, they have both been doing weird things like asking to see me and not calling to say they are not coming. the "other guy" just did it last nite and the nite b4. Previously, he'd been trying to see me but I refused b/c I know his motives and he must think I'm his woman on reserve and will jump through hoops to see him no matter what time of morning or night, while he show no signs of intentions to comitt. Needless to say, I'm cutting him off asap...that was it for him.

 

My ex did something similar several weeks ago. Similarly, because I broke up with him and cut him back and I didn't wanna lead him on. He wanted to get back together but I refused. He's tried to get back together but iI've refused for good reason and he knows it. He's tried to change some things, but the more important things seem to me harder to adjust/change which i understand to a certain degree. Since the break up we've seen each other and stayed together a night or two. One morning after waking up he uses my phone to call his mother. I heard the convo b/c i wasn't sleep though he thought i was. He mentioned to her that he was here with me(said my name and all) and told he that he kept thinking about something I had told him several nights prior to hurt his feelings. so when the call ends i hear click, click, click. i knew what he was doing but stayed still. he wakes me up and says "baby, do you love me?". i say yes, and why and ask what he was doing to my phone. he says he was looking at my calls to see who was calling me . i didn't have that many calls.but my texts did have messages from "the other guy". mind you my ex knows of the other guy and his name.

 

So i'm wondering is it possible that they are putting energy into conspiring to set me up? they have both done so around similar days.

 

Or is this just coincidence?

 

I have not been seeing either of them regularly. Haven't seen either of them in several weeks actually, but they have been trying to see me, while giving me litte concrete motivation to see them or take them seriously. I'll give my ex a little more credit for his efforts...he's a bit more sincere, but still controlling and a bit crazy

Edited November 28, 2009 by luvflower

[SoulSearch_CO]

Setting you up for WHAT? I don't get that question. Maybe if you could explain better what you mean?

[luvflower]

...mind you, to my knowledge they DO NOT know each other. I'm just wondering if my EX remembered the "other guy's" number and called him...

 

this all seems a bit strange. I am not trying to play them. I have even told my EX to stop contacting me but he continues to contact me fishing for me to say something to let him know i want to see him or get back together with him. Previously, he has tried to pretend that we were back together by trying to come over and after work like everything was normal. I of course put him on pause to let him know I was aware of what he was trying to do.

[luvflower]

Setting you up for WHAT? I don't get that question. Maybe if you could explain better what you mean?

 

Setting me up to hurt me, disappoint me, play with my time/emotions, etc.

 

Of course I have begun ignoring their calls more now. But before, I would at least talk to them and agree to see them.

[freestyle]

I find it hard to imagine two guys colluding in that manner, IME, that's

something two girls might do. (I'm a woman, BTW, so this isn't about female-bashing from a guy. I've seen women play dirty tricks like that before.........)

 

This may be nothing more than timing and coincidence..............

[jerseyboy]

Doesnt sound likely.

 

I have seen guys ask other guys to hit on their girls and see what they do. I was even stupid enough to do it once, after saying no for months. And only after constant pleading of dude I want to marry her, I have to know if shes like (insert name of ex). Its driving me crazy, I cant get over this insecurity blah blah

 

Long story short. Made out with her, stopped it and didnt go further. Her even asking why you are stopping, me "feeling guilty about so and so"

 

Tell him

 

Result: He marries her anyway, doesnt want to be friends with me any more lol Its ok cause she never "intended" to go all the way, didnt, and was about to tell me to stop..................

[luvflower]

ok thanks for the responses guys.

 

however, it's so dumb. why would a guy keep doing this? calling me to initiate contact and not going through with it???

[You'reasian]

 

I have seen guys ask other guys to hit on their girls and see what they do. I was even stupid enough to do it once, after saying no for months. And only after constant pleading of dude I want to marry her, I have to know if shes like (insert name of ex). Its driving me crazy, I cant get over this insecurity blah blah

 

Long story short. Made out with her, stopped it and didnt go further. Her even asking why you are stopping, me "feeling guilty about so and so"

 

Tell him

 

Result: He marries her anyway, doesnt want to be friends with me any more lol Its ok cause she never "intended" to go all the way, didnt, and was about to tell me to stop..................

 

As tough as that sounds, its probably the best thing you could've done to show him that his woman wasn't ready for a committed relationship. I see no harm in that, even though it would suck.

[You'reasian]

Hi guys. I recently broke up with my ex while this other guy has been trying to reconnect with me as well. I have given my ex and the "other guy" reasons why I will not see them as they wish. They are good reasons, btw. OK, they have both been doing weird things like asking to see me and not calling to say they are not coming. the "other guy" just did it last nite and the nite b4. Previously, he'd been trying to see me but I refused b/c I know his motives and he must think I'm his woman on reserve and will jump through hoops to see him no matter what time of morning or night, while he show no signs of intentions to comitt. Needless to say, I'm cutting him off asap...that was it for him.

 

My ex did something similar several weeks ago. Similarly, because I broke up with him and cut him back and I didn't wanna lead him on. He wanted to get back together but I refused. He's tried to get back together but iI've refused for good reason and he knows it. He's tried to change some things, but the more important things seem to me harder to adjust/change which i understand to a certain degree. Since the break up we've seen each other and stayed together a night or two. One morning after waking up he uses my phone to call his mother. I heard the convo b/c i wasn't sleep though he thought i was. He mentioned to her that he was here with me(said my name and all) and told he that he kept thinking about something I had told him several nights prior to hurt his feelings. so when the call ends i hear click, click, click. i knew what he was doing but stayed still. he wakes me up and says "baby, do you love me?". i say yes, and why and ask what he was doing to my phone. he says he was looking at my calls to see who was calling me . i didn't have that many calls.but my texts did have messages from "the other guy". mind you my ex knows of the other guy and his name.

 

So i'm wondering is it possible that they are putting energy into conspiring to set me up? they have both done so around similar days.

 

Or is this just coincidence?

 

I have not been seeing either of them regularly. Haven't seen either of them in several weeks actually, but they have been trying to see me, while giving me litte concrete motivation to see them or take them seriously. I'll give my ex a little more credit for his efforts...he's a bit more sincere, but still controlling and a bit crazy

 

Being in love with one person and romantically involved with another puts you in a tough position. Is there a third person in the picture as well?

 

I believe that being straight forward with your intentions, like TBH says, is the best way to go and will actually allow you to multi-date with those whom are cool with it and exclude those who aren't.

 

Its hard for alot of women to be blunt about it, but those that are seem to get along better with all persons involved.

[luvflower]

Being in love with one person and romantically involved with another puts you in a tough position. Is there a third person in the picture as well?

 

I believe that being straight forward with your intentions, like TBH says, is the best way to go and will actually allow you to multi-date with those whom are cool with it and exclude those who aren't.

 

Its hard for alot of women to be blunt about it, but those that are seem to get along better with all persons involved.

 

hey you'reasian, thanks. i have told both of these guys that i will be seeing other people. i clearly told my ex, that b/c certain drama is coming from his end and we're no longer together that we are both technically free to see other people. he has seen someone else when i first broke up with him and i have seen soeone else as well, just recently.

 

when i make up in my mind that we are done and that i don't intend on seeing him and being caught up in a messy situation, he'll call or say something that sucks me in. however, i refuse to sleep with him now.

 

as a rule i don't typically get caught up like this. even now i don't really see me as caught up b/c to me these guys do not have serious intentions. playing games hardly qualifies...so if a friend wants to take me out, i will go. so to answer the question about a 3rd party, not really. i went out with another guy a few weeks ago, just b/c he was coming from out of town to see me and i'm not comitted to anyone so i went out with him.

 

i know i broke up with my ex, but if he wants me back completely he knows what to do. we've discussed the issues, ad nauseam. there are issue that i won't get into (long story). i just don't understand if i'm not being intimate with them, WHY WON'T THEY BOTH JUST LEAVE ME ALONE rather than seemingly playing games...?

Edited November 28, 2009 by luvflower

[luvflower]

Ex just called last night after getting off of work and did what he's done several times now SINCE THE BREAKUP. called and asked how i was doing and whatever to try and feel me out. then says, "i'll call you when i get to the restaurant to see what you want to eat,since you may want something". so i'm like ok...

 

so when he gets there he calls orders his stuff first. then calls me while he's eating it and says, "baby, i'll just buy you breakfast in the morning". first of all he had no intention of buying me anything this morning and i never banked on it.we have been apart for several months now. and i guess b/c he never got me pregnant like he tried 2 do to keep me in his life, he tries to pull these silly stunts whenever he can. my thing is , what if i'd been hungry and waiting on this meal (which i wasn't thankfully b/c i felt like he was playing this dumb game again. he's done this many times since we broke up. WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER, HE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS...this is now his M.O. it's a setup to disappoint me on purpose. i've told him to just stop calling me with this nonsense several times but he continues. so last night when i told him how silly it was for him to do that and that i'm now convinced that something is truly wrong with him, he said nothing is wrong with him and tried to twist the situation. i told him he needed to stop calling me with this foolishness. he keeps calling (for what??)while i tried to go to sleep. this morning he calls and i didn't answer. he's not talking about anything but last night . he didn't intend to buy breakfast,it was just something to say to make me think about him more and so called anticipate seeing or hearing from him.

 

mind you, i have told him several times to stop calling me. i have taken his calls and seen him once or twice since the break up, but this passive aggressive or insane behavior has pushed me away so much that i told him last night that he was going to make me get a restraining order against him for harassment because he keeps calling me with nonsense. he acts so emotionless until i say stuff like that. he got all upset when i told him that but still keeps calling. i guess he thinks i'm not serious.

[luvflower]

somebody...please? i don't know what to say or do to shut him up. changing my number is not an option.

[freestyle]

Quit responding to his calls altogether. When you see his name come up,

erase the message without listening. Eventually he'll get the hint.

 

He's getting under your skin bc you're allowing him to.He can't play games

with you if you don't participate.

[justforfun]

somebody...please? i don't know what to say or do to shut him up. changing my number is not an option.

 

don't say anything at all?