Jerry18 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Ideally, I would always prefer a FWB over a romantic relationship. You know the FWB longer than your dateFriends tend to do more fun things together than datesSex is emphasized (can't have a FWB without sex, but some people date without having had sex)Romance is overrated (you do a lot of otherwise meaningless stuff eg. send roses that's not fun), I don't need to impress my FWB with superficial gestures that are suppose to represent loveA lot of guys fake love just to be able to have sex with girlsGirls won't get to date *******s since they wouldn't be friends with them in the first placeI'm a guy btw.
tkgirl Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Ideally, I would always prefer a FWB over a romantic relationship. You know the FWB longer than your dateFriends tend to do more fun things together than datesSex is emphasized (can't have a FWB without sex, but some people date without having had sex)Romance is overrated (you do a lot of otherwise meaningless stuff eg. send roses that's not fun), I don't need to impress my FWB with superficial gestures that are suppose to represent loveA lot of guys fake love just to be able to have sex with girlsGirls won't get to date *******s since they wouldn't be friends with them in the first placeI'm a guy btw. no, really? of course most guys think this is the ideal situation.. sex with no strings.. duh! problem is that most women aren't "wired" the same way.. we get attached. I've tried to do the FWB thing myself.. a couple times actually.. and it never worked for me.
tigressA Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 I did have one FWB situation that worked out quite well. It was great, honestly the best setup I've ever had. If I could have something like that again, I'd prefer it over a full-fledged relationship. But I tried it one other time since then and it was a disaster. I think maybe I was just meant to have one good one.
bac Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 From what I know, FWB does not mean a real friendship at all, it means just having sex without any emotional and intellectual connection. It also implies multiple partners and NSA.
tkgirl Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 If you can actually be friends with a woman, and find her sexually attractinve, you my friend, have found a mate. exactly.. I was thinking about this some more and to me the very definition of a GREAT relationship is someone you are best friends with AND you have great sex together too! I mean, isn't that what we are all looking for deep down? I know I am and once I find it I'm NOT going to want to let it go!
Island Girl Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Ideally, I would always prefer a FWB over a romantic relationship. You know the FWB longer than your dateFriends tend to do more fun things together than datesSex is emphasized (can't have a FWB without sex, but some people date without having had sex)Romance is overrated (you do a lot of otherwise meaningless stuff eg. send roses that's not fun), I don't need to impress my FWB with superficial gestures that are suppose to represent loveA lot of guys fake love just to be able to have sex with girlsGirls won't get to date *******s since they wouldn't be friends with them in the first place I'm a guy btw. With all reasons listed there was no doubt.
jerseyboy Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 with all reasons listed there was no doubt. lol ..
Woggle Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 It really is the ideal situation. You already know her so there is no period of introducing yourself and walking up to a strange woman and when you are done she goes home and is out of your hair. The only problem is that when a man truly does not want any commitment even the biggest I don't need a man types tend to get attached. I tried this between marriages and damn near ended up with a stalker. Even if you have sex with a married woman she will probably be ready to divorce her husband and run off with you the next day.
tigressA Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 The only problem is that when a man truly does not want any commitment even the biggest I don't need a man types tend to get attached. That's why I'm afraid to try it again. I got really lucky the one time it worked for me; I wonder now how I managed to not get attached, since I lost my virginity to the guy--typically, that alone turns on the emotional-attachment waterworks for us chicks. I'm still friends with the guy and can talk to him about anything, I always could, even when we were hooking up. I would love to find a situation like that again but it's so far proven impossible after more than 3 years. If I could find some manual on how to not get attached, I'd make it my go-to guide.
jerseyboy Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 It doesn't work almost ever. Frankly its rather pointless as well unless you stay out of relationships for long periods of time. Almost all women Ive ever known use the offer as an enticement to a relationship. And they get just as clingy and jealous as any other gf so whats the point. Most of the rest have a bf/husband, so its an affair not a fwb per se. It just ruins friendships
dazzle22 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Of course, in life it is always easier to be with people if you don't get too attached. When you start to really care for someone, you become vulnerable, and being vulnerable, you can get HURT. FWF can be likened to walking the tight rope at only 2 feet above the ground. If you fall, still ok. No big hurt. Having a girlfriend is like raising the rope to 6 ft. Won't kill you if it doesn't work out, but might smart a bit. Getting engaged is like being up 20 feet but with a net. Getting married, well, you know... Also, it is always to the guys benefit, because men are so good at separating love and sex. In the past, women knew how to reign men in on this BS, but of course now, women are playing the game too, but never as good as a guy can. Because the person who cares the least is always the one with the power. And in my experience, guys usually care and feel LESS than we do. My husband, who is 12 years younger than me, was a big player, (at least 50 women on his post), and he actually called me on this. Shocked me. I was recently divorced, had some men circling, wanted to play with them all. Said what I wanted with him was FWB. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "That's a recipe for ending up old and alone!" Of course, he was 39, you are probably no where near that, but that is what is at the end of this game....probably a long way off for you... But even Warren Beatty finally hung up his spurs on one woman's door in the end.
stepka Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Yes, I've always said that a FWB "relationship" is ideal. For the man. Women get hurt, and usually what it means is that there is a fair amount of sex and hooking up in the beginning, but that it quickly degenerates until the woman is just a last minute booty call. Ideal all right.
sally4sara Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 FWB only works long term for women if the guy IS an a$$h0!e. That way you will never get attached. I am marrying my last FWB because he wasn't the a$$h0!e I thought he was.
Woggle Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 If the guy is an ********* a woman might get more attached.
stepka Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 FWB only works long term for women if the guy IS an a$$h0!e. That way you will never get attached. I am marrying my last FWB because he wasn't the a$$h0!e I thought he was. Best of luck to you. There's a story in this.
tkgirl Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 If the guy is an ********* a woman might get more attached. yep.. so true! one of my supposed "FWB"s was a total jerk and I knew there was no way I even wanted him for a boyfriend.. but somehow I still got attached and even my friends were like "what the hell?" I still don't know why myself... damn hormones or pheromones or whatever they are!
Chubbi Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Friends with benefits sounds like an oxymoron to me. The thing is... I don't have sex with my friends. Maybe we're two different types of people I guess. I am very liberal person for public but for myself personally, I am extremely conservative and traditional.
tkgirl Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Friends with benefits sounds like an oxymoron to me. The thing is... I don't have sex with my friends. Maybe we're two different types of people I guess. I am very liberal person for public but for myself personally, I am extremely conservative and traditional. I actually think that the "friends with benefits" thing is more of an urban legend.. I have yet to hear of one that truly works... I mean for both involved, not just the guy!
jerseyboy Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 yep.. so true! one of my supposed "FWB"s was a total jerk and I knew there was no way I even wanted him for a boyfriend.. but somehow I still got attached and even my friends were like "what the hell?" I still don't know why myself... damn hormones or pheromones or whatever they are! LMFAO:lmao: I wouldnt even call her a friend, she was like an acquaintance. someone I knew through other people. She wasnt wasted, she had been drinking. So I get stuck driving her home as a favor for mutual friends. She starts up on she and her bf broke up like 8 months ago or some such. She is busy (lawyer), and realy not into men right or relationships right now. Then something like but she still has needs. So Im thinking not interested, but clearly this woman has done this before. Then shes like " I really dont like your type, no offense, dont take it personal, but your corporate blah blah, shallow charm, I find boring. Im nore into artist/cultural blah blah types of men. They excite me......interesting.....deep..... Thinking ok lady, if you are going to ask what I think you will, I wouldnt f'k you with Keith Richards dick... And let me be frank (please do, apparently she was only being semi transparent up till now) I think you are a f'ing ******* (stress on f'ing). I dont dont some shallow women may fnd you attractive, but I think you ar e a bore, pig, self centered, and there are lots of men like that, dont take it personally, just someone I could never be with. But your safe, and dont seem like the type thats going to get attached, which is not what Im looking for.And you are cute enough in a certain way. So it makes no difference to me........hits with proposal. No offer of friendship even lol So now its beyond wanting or not wanting to, IM actually starting to hate her lol. And the idea of shoving her head in the pillow, grabbing her hair, and pounding her like a plastic f'k doll is actually appealing to me. Ok lets go. Lasted less than two months till she started with her "I was really wrong about you......" and started looking for more. I still didnt like her lol She started talking to my friends about me, asking what Iw as feeling thinking etc Now they still joke "Youre dumb, ugly, and an *******.....can we have sex now"
tkgirl Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 LMFAO:lmao: I wouldnt even call her a friend, she was like an acquaintance. someone I knew through other people. She wasnt wasted, she had been drinking. So I get stuck driving her home as a favor for mutual friends. She starts up on she and her bf broke up like 8 months ago or some such. She is busy (lawyer), and realy not into men right or relationships right now. Then something like but she still has needs. So Im thinking not interested, but clearly this woman has done this before. Then shes like " I really dont like your type, no offense, dont take it personal, but your corporate blah blah, shallow charm, I find boring. Im nore into artist/cultural blah blah types of men. They excite me......interesting.....deep..... Thinking ok lady, if you are going to ask what I think you will, I wouldnt f'k you with Keith Richards dick... And let me be frank (please do, apparently she was only being semi transparent up till now) I think you are a f'ing ******* (stress on f'ing). I dont dont some shallow women may fnd you attractive, but I think you ar e a bore, pig, self centered, and there are lots of men like that, dont take it personally, just someone I could never be with. But your safe, and dont seem like the type thats going to get attached, which is not what Im looking for.And you are cute enough in a certain way. So it makes no difference to me........hits with proposal. No offer of friendship even lol So now its beyond wanting or not wanting to, IM actually starting to hate her lol. And the idea of shoving her head in the pillow, grabbing her hair, and pounding her like a plastic f'k doll is actually appealing to me. Ok lets go. Lasted less than two months till she started with her "I was really wrong about you......" and started looking for more. I still didnt like her lol She started talking to my friends about me, asking what Iw as feeling thinking etc Now they still joke "Youre dumb, ugly, and an *******.....can we have sex now" your situation was more like "enemies with benefits"! funny that she's the one that started it and you weren't even her type but you didn't care because you never even liked her either... and then all of a sudden she wants to know what you're "feeling"? seriously, how can two people have sex (besides a ONS) and NOT develope feelings after a while? FWB is a big fat LIE, I tell you!
Pizzaman81 Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Sex can lead to many bad things... AIDS, herpes, and the worst one of them all.... a relationship
ADF Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I firmly believe that if they had a choice, most men would opt for FWB over having a GF. In FWB, a guy gets all the benefits of having a GF with none of the responsibilities. For him, it is the ultimate win-win, get-my-cake-and-eat-it-too situaion. Trouble is, most women don't feel that way. Many women enter FWB relationships hoping they'll lead to something deeper. But they almost never do. As I said above, for most men, FWB is the ideal--they don't want it to go any deeper. As time goes on and people get older, women are less and less interested in becoming somebody's sex android. As much as you might want to go on having FWB, the older you get, the tougher they are going to be to find.
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 (edited) I'm reading all the responses that say it doesn't work because the woman gets attached... Interestingly I've tried to have an arrangement like this a couple of times previous to my current long-term relationship, and each time it didn't work out because the guy got too attached... They would claim to want it and think it's a great idea, then start with the "who are you texting?" "who are you talking to?" "are you seeing someone?" "I think I have feelings for you..." Maybe I just attract needy men! Edited November 29, 2009 by kiss_andmakeup
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