jerseyboy Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 You shouldn't be so timid People always push back some when you try to establish boundaries in a relationship . On both sides. If you allow people to walk all over you out of fear of being accused of some "despicable" pop psyche disease, they will be more than happy to oblige.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 It's just that the idea of him hanging out with someone (and WANTING to hang out with someone) who disrespects me (and her husband) so blatantly pisses me off like you wouldn't believe. And yet, surely if your BF is worth anything, he can see how petty, immature and selfish his ex is everytime he's around her. In this case, I would do my best to choose the higher road mostly because there are mutual friends at this party. I would state quite clearly that I was uncomfortable with him attending, and my reasons for said discomfort (even if he already knows - state it AGAIN). At that point, I would let him know that he's an adult and I don't own him - he's free to do as he chooses. Just be aware that the idea makes me uncomfortable. And then his decision would tell me something about his level of respect (or lack thereof).
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 And yet, surely if your BF is worth anything, he can see how petty, immature and selfish his ex is everytime he's around her. In this case, I would do my best to choose the higher road mostly because there are mutual friends at this party. I would state quite clearly that I was uncomfortable with him attending, and my reasons for said discomfort (even if he already knows - state it AGAIN). At that point, I would let him know that he's an adult and I don't own him - he's free to do as he chooses. Just be aware that the idea makes me uncomfortable. And then his decision would tell me something about his level of respect (or lack thereof). He does, which is why I don't understand why he would ever speak to her or hang out with her again. I kept my opinion of his ex to myself, until one night he brought all these things up, and I discovered that we actually had the same opinion of her. I still didn't trash her, or say anything mean, I simply said that yes, I had actually picked up on some of those qualities when I met her. Anyways, tonight's the big night, so we'll be having this discussion this afternoon at some point. See what happens...
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 Thanks everyone for the advice and support! With your help I was all geared up stick up for myself and have a discussion about this situation with my bf. I didn't actually even have to say anything - he changed his mind about going all on his own. When I asked him why he didn't want to go anymore he told me it was because there was really no need for him to, especially since his good friends weren't attending (his primary reason for wanting to go). He also commented on his ex's immature and inappropriate behavior, and said that he didn't want to deal with it, and that he didn't want to put himself in any kind of situation where there was even a small chance I might be given cause to question him, or that would make me hurt or upset. He's a keeper I'm thinking
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Thanks everyone for the advice and support! With your help I was all geared up stick up for myself and have a discussion about this situation with my bf. I didn't actually even have to say anything - he changed his mind about going all on his own. When I asked him why he didn't want to go anymore he told me it was because there was really no need for him to, especially since his good friends weren't attending (his primary reason for wanting to go). He also commented on his ex's immature and inappropriate behavior, and said that he didn't want to deal with it, and that he didn't want to put himself in any kind of situation where there was even a small chance I might be given cause to question him, or that would make me hurt or upset. He's a keeper I'm thinking Sounds great. I'm happy to hear this turned out well.
ADF Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Without some sense of what the "event" is, how can anyone answer this question?
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 Without some sense of what the "event" is, how can anyone answer this question? ADF - try reading all the original poster's posts in the thread. She already explained what the event was. And it's already been resolved, anyway.
Recommended Posts