p.s. Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Here's the gist of it: Recently met a guy. We fit. We fit as well as I thought the guy in my last relationship and I did. But that went to hell and it sent me for a loop. And now I'm better, I thought. Or I had been... until I "recently met a guy" and everything started screaming in my head. The reasonable half of me is like "Alright, chick, you like this guy. Good. No big deal. Have fun with it. You're young. It's supposed to be fun. If it works, great. If not, $hit happens. Stop whining." The other half of me is entirely over-analytical, and it's going, "Yeah, you really like this guy, but if you allow yourself to like him more than you do now, you'll either get clingy and, through that, push him away, or you'll wind up dragging him through the mud that is your emotions." "That's not fair to him," it thinks. "If you really like him like you claim to, don't do that to him. That's not fair to him." And then another half comes out of nowhere (I don't know where I got a third half from), and it punches me in the face. Then it screams! It screams, "Then get out! Get out of this before you get in too deep and it gets all messed up!" It's cowardly. I don't know what I was thinking getting wrapped up in this when I just, a couple months ago, thoroughly got over my last relationship, which put me through hell. They've all been awful. All the previous guys have been awful. And my prior relationships have been mostly physical/sexual, so it's been easier to detach. This new guy won't let me detach. He likes to talk about emotions and stuff, and part of me thinks that's incredibly sweet and novel and the other part is scared to death because it's making me actually feel something for him and I have your typical attachment/past abuse issues. I talked to him about this, kind of, and he just kept saying he was scared too and he wouldn't hurt me. "Then what the %$#(*@# is the issue?" you might be thinking. The issue is that the cowardly part of me is taking over and pushing him very far away. I'm forcing myself to remain busy so I don't think about it, and then whenever I do think about it, it's like, "Yeah, it's not going to work out. Just forget it. Let it go. You don't need to be in a relationship right now." And then he calls... and I... This is one giant mess. You see how messy this is? This is so messy. I should clean it up, right? Then I should get out of it before it gets messier.
Author p.s. Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 I don't know what I was thinking, getting in a relationship. Not now. Bad timing. I'm too nuts. But if I waited until I wasn't nuts, he'd probably be gone and that'd be sad. But that's life, I guess. I'll do what's good for him, and putting him through this is not good for him and I'll get over the loss. I'll get over it.
jerseyboy Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This is why you never "ask" a woman if she wants to be in a relationship. You just tell her lol
Author p.s. Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This is why you never "ask" a woman if she wants to be in a relationship. You just tell her lol It's always worse in the morning. As the day goes on, the thoughts calm down a little. Just needed a rant. I'll try to listen to the initial half -- the reasonable one.
jerseyboy Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 It's always worse in the morning. As the day goes on, the thoughts calm down a little. Just needed a rant. I'll try to listen to the initial half -- the reasonable one. LOL I wasnt being critical. I have my own issues. Found it amusing I was just thinking of all these " I have this girl who is a friend...........should I just come out and ask her if she wants to be in a relationship" threads Women stress over the simplest nonsense. Asking some chick out of the blue if she wants to suddenly be your gf...would make your post look decisive:)
rateyes Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 you cant find happiness without hurt, just think about that. SO in my opinion, unless hes done something to make you doubt him, jsut go for it.
Author p.s. Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 LOL I wasnt being critical. I have my own issues. Found it amusing I was just thinking of all these " I have this girl who is a friend...........should I just come out and ask her if she wants to be in a relationship" threads Women stress over the simplest nonsense. Asking some chick out of the blue if she wants to suddenly be your gf...would make your post look decisive:) Haha, yes. I didn't think you were being critical. I laughed.
Author p.s. Posted November 27, 2009 Author Posted November 27, 2009 you cant find happiness without hurt, just think about that. SO in my opinion, unless hes done something to make you doubt him, jsut go for it. that makes sense.
tkgirl Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Here's the gist of it: Recently met a guy. We fit. We fit as well as I thought the guy in my last relationship and I did. But that went to hell and it sent me for a loop. And now I'm better, I thought. Or I had been... until I "recently met a guy" and everything started screaming in my head. The reasonable half of me is like "Alright, chick, you like this guy. Good. No big deal. Have fun with it. You're young. It's supposed to be fun. If it works, great. If not, $hit happens. Stop whining." The other half of me is entirely over-analytical, and it's going, "Yeah, you really like this guy, but if you allow yourself to like him more than you do now, you'll either get clingy and, through that, push him away, or you'll wind up dragging him through the mud that is your emotions." "That's not fair to him," it thinks. "If you really like him like you claim to, don't do that to him. That's not fair to him." And then another half comes out of nowhere (I don't know where I got a third half from), and it punches me in the face. Then it screams! It screams, "Then get out! Get out of this before you get in too deep and it gets all messed up!" It's cowardly. I don't know what I was thinking getting wrapped up in this when I just, a couple months ago, thoroughly got over my last relationship, which put me through hell. They've all been awful. All the previous guys have been awful. And my prior relationships have been mostly physical/sexual, so it's been easier to detach. This new guy won't let me detach. He likes to talk about emotions and stuff, and part of me thinks that's incredibly sweet and novel and the other part is scared to death because it's making me actually feel something for him and I have your typical attachment/past abuse issues. I talked to him about this, kind of, and he just kept saying he was scared too and he wouldn't hurt me. "Then what the %$#(*@# is the issue?" you might be thinking. The issue is that the cowardly part of me is taking over and pushing him very far away. I'm forcing myself to remain busy so I don't think about it, and then whenever I do think about it, it's like, "Yeah, it's not going to work out. Just forget it. Let it go. You don't need to be in a relationship right now." And then he calls... and I... This is one giant mess. You see how messy this is? This is so messy. I should clean it up, right? Then I should get out of it before it gets messier. your post reminds me of that South Park episode where Al Gore is trying to find the "ManBearPig" and goes "he's half man, half bear and half pig!" I get you though... cuz I've been there myself... and you know what really helped me? YOGA! as in breathe baby girl BREATHE! seriously...
Ms. Joolie Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 The issue is that the cowardly part of me is taking over and pushing him very far away. I'm forcing myself to remain busy so I don't think about it, and then whenever I do think about it, it's like, "Yeah, it's not going to work out. Just forget it. Let it go. You don't need to be in a relationship right now." I can relate to you almost to the T... I also push the guy away, I also keep busy, I also try not to think about it, I also tell myself it won't work out, I definitely also tell myself that I don't need to be in a relationship right now. Ever since I started dating I've been telling myself "not now." I completely understand how your previous relationships were mainly physical. It's because we don't want to invest our real self, a real effort, our real emotions and our time into the relationship. It's just a physical thing to us, right? Now as we are getting older we scare ourselves into thinking that at THIS rate, with these patterns, we are well on the road to Forever Singledom. It's scary. We are wanting a real relationship now, aren't we? It's now a matter of truly investing ourselves this time. We want a relationship, and now we really have to focus on just that. No more telling ourselves there is no time for a relationship or keeping ourselves busy otherwise... We honestly have to make the time and the commitment that a real relationship deserves. I also use to feel that I wasn't good enough for a relationship or like I had nothing to offer. pft. I'm glad that's over with. It took a lot to find myself, but I did. Actually, THAT was the big issue for me, facing myself and finding myself.... once I took care of that, I began to feel more open for a relationship. Maybe, OP, you are keeping busy as to avoid something very real about yourself that you need to confront before you begin a relationship??
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