xpressyaself22 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Hey all, I'm a late bloomer due to a lot of reasons, I've spent my life wishing I could get attention from guys, but never having the confidence in myself, because of my weight. I finally lost the weight, and developed a ton of confidence, and met a guy. We've been dating for a month now and things have been great up until now. The problem is I'm a virgin, and he's not and now he claims that theres a lot of weird things that come with dating a virgin, and he doesn't know if he's up for it or not. That's what he told me on Tuesday, now it's thurday and we still talk, but it's not like it used to be, I'm getting a weird vibe from him, like we just talk about the basics, how our day was, and he's avoiding whole conversation. One thing that struck me though was that I told him that I was going to a party, and he seemed upset, he didn't get mad or anything but he clearly wasn't thrilled, So now I'm stuck, and don't know what to do. He never explained the *weird* things that go along with dating a virgin, and on my end, my being a virgin has nothing to do with waiting for marriage, or anything like that, honestly he's the first guy I've really been with, and I'm just not ready for that, I'm not going to just put out, but I'm not going to wait for marriage either... how long should I sit around and wait for him to decide if he's up for it or not? What would you guys do?
jw90063 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 The problem is I'm a virgin, and he's not and now he claims that theres a lot of weird things that come with dating a virgin, and he doesn't know if he's up for it or not. ..how long should I sit around and wait for him to decide if he's up for it or not? What would you guys do? Honestly, he doesn't sound worth waiting for. You have been dating a month. If he likes you enough, he should be willing to deal with the fact you are a virgin. Weird things that come with dating a virgin? Yeah, I would be curious what he means. Don't sit around and wait. I would tell him to go find a more experienced girl as he wishes. By the way, how old are you? How old is the guy?
Author xpressyaself22 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 This could be the problem, but I'm 24 and he's 20
MRA_NYC Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 My guess is that it's one of two possibilities: 1. He's also a virgin (or relatively inexperienced) and he's worried about sleeping with someone who is also inexperienced, out of a fear of "doing it wrong". 2. He's afraid that you'll have sexual hangups or make him wait longer than he wants to wait. Dr. House out.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 The "problem" is you're a virgin?? Sigh. Why don't you let him go and find someone who will appreciate that and not make you feel weird! You're 24 and a virgin... you could have fun with that. Don't twist it up or let anyone make you think it's a problem. And 20 is so young! lol. I don't think he even knows what to do with you.
MRA_NYC Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Ms. Joolie: I agree. A 24-year-old virgin would be about ideal for a man like me (I'm 26). In New York, most men complain about women being too experienced, not the opposite. A 24-year-old virgin is unusual, but it's not a problem.
rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 i didnt even know virginity could be a problem.... hes obviously jsut looking for a sex buddy, so i doubt itll work out.
Author xpressyaself22 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 I completely understand what everyone is saying, he's not a virgin, I just wish instead of letting it be weird, he'd come out and be upfront about what he wants to do. I think sitting here thinking that I'm suppose to just wait around only caused more issues, in the end, but I'm not a doormat that will just be there whenever he wants, I'm going to do my own thing, and date other guys, and it's his loss. It's unfortunate if his issue is not wanting to hurt me if he takes me vcard and things don't work out...but if that was the issue he should have at least let me know that, not just "I'm not sure if I'm up for it or not"
jw90063 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 This guy seriously sounds like he could be a real jerk. Any man who would hesitate to date a girl because she is a virgin. Plus, you are still very young. What is the big deal. How much weirdness can be involved. LOL. The guy I lost my virginity to was what you would call a jerk, and even he wasn't bothered by the fact I was a virgin at the time. In fact, I think he liked it. Most guys would appreciate that you haven't been all over town. You know what you should tell him. Although he thinks it may be WEIRD dating a virgin, what's totally weird is his issue with it.
boogieboy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 The weirdness he is talking about is the high responsibility of dating a virgin. Many virgins get strongly attached to the guy who takes their virginity and he realizes that if anything goes wrong, it could be your biggest heartbreak. He doesnt want that responsibility. Plus he has to teach you how to have sex. He has to pave the way for anyone that comes after him, and if you have hangups with general sex positions, its no fun. Its much more pleasurable to deal with a woman who knows what she wants, and how to do it. Orgasms are a big deal, and it takes a special guy to have the patience for a woman who doesnt know how to have her own orgasm.
jw90063 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Plus he has to teach you how to have sex. Orgasms are a big deal, and it takes a special guy to have the patience for a woman who doesnt know how to have her own orgasm. Teach her how to have sex? It's not exactly rocket science. Doesn't know how to have her own orgasm? She's a virgin, not a moron.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 (edited) boogieboy, he's only 20! I highly doubt his thinking has matured yet along those lines. Rather he's just insecure, probably doesn't even know why exactly, or how to handle the situation. It's all just 'weird' to him. Edited November 27, 2009 by Ms. Joolie
Toki Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Part of the fun is figuring out what combinations get the best results. You can't have that on a one night stand, or casual sex. I'm actually a bit jealous of your bf's unique position, dating someone who knows too much isn't much fun, and dating someone who is uncomfortable with it is even less fun. He's hit the jackpot and he doesn't even know, he could be terrible and you would never even know it.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Ah yes, the early 20s, I remember that time, it's when we have stupid thoughts and think we know something about a relationship. Wait 4 more years and you;; realize being a virgin is not weird and should not affect a relationship at all. Geez we were all virgins. I never acted weird, I still jumped in bed with a snap of a finger! Ditch this guy, he's immature.
jw90063 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 It seems to me the guy must not want a serious relationship. He may feel if he is your "first", you are more likely to want a commitment or serious relationship in which he doesn't necessarily want. I think due to his young age, he is just immature, and isn't looking for anything serious either. I'm sure an older guy would not care at all. Or a NICE one.
Recommended Posts