JohnP82 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 How do guys feel about women that wouldn't give them a second look years ago all of a sudden wanting to be with them? I ask because I have run into the issue in which some women now all of a sudden are interested in me. I can't remember ever being successful with women until a few years ago and now I don't have trouble getting dates. I don't know if it's because I am more confident, graduated from school, seemingly have my **** together, or maybe their tastes have changed? I used to be a nice guy. I believed that good things happened to good people and because of that the world kicked my ass. I turned into a jerk for a while and now I'm trying to stay in the middle. It just kind of irks me that all of a sudden I'm good enough because I always thought I was good enough...if that makes sense. Anyways if you answer I will not be able to respond until tonight. I'm off to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner and to hopefully watch my Aggies beat UT...yes I know it's a longshot.
boogieboy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Now that you have your shyt together...what was your situation like when you couldnt get the women you want and you didnt get a second look from women?
Woggle Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I feel that she had a chance back then and blew it. It is sort of nice to rub it in their face though.
Enema Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I wouldn't be offended I understand where you're coming from, but to my mind it's no different from not wanting to date a fatty, but changing your mind once they've lost the weight. You had some undesireable qualities back then, now you're better. It's a compliment.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 How do guys feel about women that wouldn't give them a second look years ago all of a sudden wanting to be with them? I ask because I have run into the issue in which some women now all of a sudden are interested in me. I can't remember ever being successful with women until a few years ago and now I don't have trouble getting dates. I don't know if it's because I am more confident, graduated from school, seemingly have my **** together, or maybe their tastes have changed? I used to be a nice guy. I believed that good things happened to good people and because of that the world kicked my ass. I turned into a jerk for a while and now I'm trying to stay in the middle. It just kind of irks me that all of a sudden I'm good enough because I always thought I was good enough...if that makes sense. Anyways if you answer I will not be able to respond until tonight. I'm off to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner and to hopefully watch my Aggies beat UT...yes I know it's a longshot. Ya go Aggies!! What year did you graduate I graduated 2004. And oh ya, that happened to me too, this girl who was never interested all of a sudden is interested after i got a good job and a house. I still liked her, but I rejected her... OUT OF SPITE! and it was BEAUTIFUL MAN!
Legend Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 I personally would lead her on then turn her down and give her the same years of suffering.
Yukikazi Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 I personally would lead her on then turn her down and give her the same years of suffering. seconded .. I think everyone is aware of the more karmicly evil option
Taramere Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 (edited) I personally would lead her on then turn her down and give her the same years of suffering. Feigning interest in someone for the purposes of "punishing" them for not previously having been interested? That's not only deceptive - it's a laughably disproportionate reaction to the fact that they didn't always fancy you. It isn't a criminal offence for someone you're interested in to not fancy you back....however disappointing it might feel at the time. It sounds as though the women the OP is talking about were honest with him. When they weren't interested, they didn't pretend otherwise - when they were interested, they found a way of conveying that. I guess that if someone behaved shoddily and vindictively towards you at some point, then the desire to get even later on, when you felt more powerful, is more understandable - but I don't think people always look back on these things very objectively. For some, A not being interested in them might leave them feeling as bad as they might feel if A abused them in some sadistic way. It's irrational, not to mention unfair to other people, to adopt that mindset to the point where you act spitefully on it, though. In an all-male response (until mine) to this thread, Enema and boogieboy seem to be in the minority in that they can view this objectively and fairly - without getting outraged about women gravitating towards those men who have bothered to take some responsibility for, and put the effort into, being the best they can be. Edited November 28, 2009 by Taramere
jerseyboy Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 LOL people are funny Thye become so bitter. Have you ever considered in all your changing she may have changed as well. Are you the same person mentally and emotionally you were 5-10 years ago? Especially if you are no longer in school and out in the real world. If so grats on the arrested development Shes not the same person either. Its not necessarily all about you. You also learn to greatly appreciate qualities in people that werent that important to you when you were younger. And if you imagine you were any different than her at that age, you not only lack self awareness, but a clue.
BUENG1 Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 How do guys feel about women that wouldn't give them a second look years ago all of a sudden wanting to be with them? I ask because I have run into the issue in which some women now all of a sudden are interested in me. I can't remember ever being successful with women until a few years ago and now I don't have trouble getting dates. I don't know if it's because I am more confident, graduated from school, seemingly have my **** together, or maybe their tastes have changed? I used to be a nice guy. I believed that good things happened to good people and because of that the world kicked my ass. I turned into a jerk for a while and now I'm trying to stay in the middle. It just kind of irks me that all of a sudden I'm good enough because I always thought I was good enough...if that makes sense. Anyways if you answer I will not be able to respond until tonight. I'm off to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner and to hopefully watch my Aggies beat UT...yes I know it's a longshot. Well there may be logical reasons to not date you. Also depends how they treated you when rejecting you. But regardless it would probably leave a bad taste in my mouth and I would decline.
DustySaltus Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 As Mike Jones would say, "Back then they didn't want me. Now I'm hot they all know me".
Yukikazi Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 It would depend really on the why you were originally rejected. For personality or looks or $ or insecurity around women Lets go with the good old unrequited fatboy love Girl hangs with a guy. Guy has feelings.. girl just wants to be friends, sleeps/dates others... complains and/or seeks advice on her dating life from best guy friend (take note ladies.. this is truly cruel to those guys). Friendship eventually breaks cause guy admits feelings or just can't take it anymore and stops hanging out. Guy eventually on his own gets clue and makes himself over. Guy & girl somehow reconnect and now guy is the same but about no longer overweight. OH NOW the girl is interested cause he lost weight or something superficial. Changed looks... So it was never about the guy.. just what he looked like Learned confidence.. your rejection when he was unsure of himself didn't do much to help the situation. Can't be bothered with the means.. but hoping to reap the ends eh. Started dating other girls... jealous.. "OH now you care? When its not all just about you" Made money.. Stop looking at me like that....
D-Jam Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 I think it depends on the girl and the situation. If this is the case where the girl never knew me, but I'd assume in the past she would reject me yet now she's interested...then I'd give it a shot. I can't fault someone who never met me...even if her past taste in men wouldn't have made her like me. However, if we're talking about a girl whom you pursued, she rejected you for lack of interest, then all of a sudden years later she's hot for you...I wouldn't bother. I am also of the mind you get one shot when I'm looking your way. I won't fault a woman for rejecting me, but I won't give a girl a second chance, nor let her put me on the "back burner" for later. Some can say I have a bias or am bitter, but in reality I've had several women reject me when I was younger...mostly because I was "too nice" and they liked the more "bad boy" types. Most of them came back years later with great interest...but I noticed they were also pushing a baby stroller. Usual story of bad boy knocked her up, abandoned her, and it's so clear she's looking for a meal ticket. One girl I remember didn't end up knocked up, but was psychologically messed up from years of being treated badly by her choices in men. Male or female...no one should sit there and let themselves be put on the back burner...no one is worth that kind of wait.
threebyfate Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Carrying resentments and grudges for extended lengths of time, only hurts the individual. If you're not impressed by women who rejected you in the past, keep your distance and move on.
You'reasian Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 How do guys feel about women that wouldn't give them a second look years ago all of a sudden wanting to be with them? I ask because I have run into the issue in which some women now all of a sudden are interested in me. I can't remember ever being successful with women until a few years ago and now I don't have trouble getting dates. I don't know if it's because I am more confident, graduated from school, seemingly have my **** together, or maybe their tastes have changed? I used to be a nice guy. I believed that good things happened to good people and because of that the world kicked my ass. I turned into a jerk for a while and now I'm trying to stay in the middle. It just kind of irks me that all of a sudden I'm good enough because I always thought I was good enough...if that makes sense. Anyways if you answer I will not be able to respond until tonight. I'm off to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner and to hopefully watch my Aggies beat UT...yes I know it's a longshot. Tread slowly. Become her friend, if it gets physical, enjoy it, but... guard your heart. Maybe she's changed for the good and sees what's good in you. Let her prove it, don't rush into anything and don't control - back off if she gives signals that she feels that way.
Author JohnP82 Posted November 29, 2009 Author Posted November 29, 2009 Wow, I almost forgot about this thread. Thanks for the responses. I think that D-Jam and Enema are closest to what I was originally talking about. My question wasn't about a specific girl and I've never been friendzoned. It was more of an observation of my interaction with women in general. In the last few years I have become more confident in myself and who I am. When I say got my shyt together it had more to do with confidence. I've always had hobbies and good things going on in my life. I've always volunteered in my community and continue to. I've pushed through two degree programs and now I will be beginning my career. I guess I feel like I'm the same person I've always been however I realize that's not completely true. My experiences have opened my eyes, destroyed my naivety, and helped me notice what to look out for. It's so hard to explain how I feel. Sometimes I think there is no way you would have been interested in me 3 years ago. As for being bitter, I've experienced rejection enough to have built up a thick enough skin to just let it roll off. I would never behave spitefully. I think someone asked earlier, I graduated from undergrad in 2006. Although we didn't win it was a really good game and hopefully we will continue to improve.
ADF Posted November 29, 2009 Posted November 29, 2009 I wouldn't give a second chance to someone who had rejected me. That sends a bad message--i.e. that I am so needy and desperate that even though you rejected me, I'll be right there, ready to jump into your lap if you change your mind.
phineas Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I wouldn't give a second chance to someone who had rejected me. That sends a bad message--i.e. that I am so needy and desperate that even though you rejected me, I'll be right there, ready to jump into your lap if you change your mind. Outright rejection, I agree. If it was a case where she was dateing around & I didn't make the cut I wouldn't go out with her again unless she asked me & convinced me she truely was interested in getting to know me better. I've dated some women that ping-pong between guys & all I wind up doing is wasting my time & money on them.
GorillaTheater Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I think someone asked earlier, I graduated from undergrad in 2006. Although we didn't win it was a really good game and hopefully we will continue to improve. At least we didn't totally suck. '87. Yo, Pizzaman!
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