james123 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 My girlfriend and I have been together for around 2.5 years(broke up for a bit in the middle but got back together soon after) now and get along fantastically. I can imagine a future with her but I'm not sure if I ever wish to get married. She keeps talking about getting engaged/married and gets upset when I give no clear answers. I simply don't want to let her down but I don't want to promise something without being absolutely sure that I will do it. Another point is that I am just 24, and she is the same age. I feel that we are too young to be considering marriage. This does not mean that I don't want to be with her all my life, obviously. Any advice?
jerseyboy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 LOL Nope Wait till you get in your 30's We are on "break" right now till I can decide what I want to do. She is justifiably worried not just about how much longer she can have kids, but if and when Im ever going to just do it. IM leaving like in a few minutes to go to my brothers for a family thanksgiving. Shes coming., We havent spoken since sunday, and she didnt bring it up then, just doing me a favor with something I had to attend. I have no f;ing answers, and I cant even discuss it with her, because the reasons would be an effective its over. I mean not that she doesnt know them on some level, but the kind of things that if you ever just said, no one could live with knowing. Im dreading it. Have no idea what Im going to say to her. But shes going to want to know something.
Boundary Problem Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 LOL Nope Wait till you get in your 30's We are on "break" right now till I can decide what I want to do. She is justifiably worried not just about how much longer she can have kids, but if and when Im ever going to just do it. IM leaving like in a few minutes to go to my brothers for a family thanksgiving. Shes coming., We havent spoken since sunday, and she didnt bring it up then, just doing me a favor with something I had to attend. I have no f;ing answers, and I cant even discuss it with her, because the reasons would be an effective its over. I mean not that she doesnt know them on some level, but the kind of things that if you ever just said, no one could live with knowing. Im dreading it. Have no idea what Im going to say to her. But shes going to want to know something. Honesty isn't an option???? Simple and direct has always worked for me.
Ody Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 My girlfriend and I have been together for around 2.5 years(broke up for a bit in the middle but got back together soon after) now and get along fantastically. [...] Any advice? Given that you've already broken up once, and all of your doubts, I suspect the relationship won't work. Are you interested in pursuing other women? We are on "break" right now till I can decide what I want to do. [...] Im dreading it. Have no idea what Im going to say to her. But shes going to want to know something. What happened? That's a rough spot to be in.
jerseyboy Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 Honesty isn't an option???? Simple and direct has always worked for me. Some things you simply cant say to people and expect a relationship to continue. For example you cant say to 95% of men that yes your ex was so much better in bed than he is, and you do miss it sometimes. And with her its not even about that really. I think there are different ways you love people, not necessarily worse or better, just different. I think shes beautiful, I am attracted to her. The sex is fine. I do desire her. But I cant tell her with a couple of others in the past it was different. Not the sex, just how they made me feel. I cant say you dont make my skin burn. When I think of you during the day I feel affection, and I even feel desire. But you dont make me feel like my blood is boiling. Or like a hot sun is burning my face. You dont make my heart beat faster, or like I cant breathe thinking about you. Or that when I was with someone else all those years, I didnt care about other women. They didnt exist to me. Not that I want to cheat on her, far from it. But its just different. And I think in large part its a feeling that things are wonderful. but Im scared that I may meet someone that makes me feel that way, and I Ill feel trapped by you. And IM not sure if it would be worse to lose all the wonderful things we have now, or that opportunity that may never ever come.
jerseyboy Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 What happened? That's a rough spot to be in. Worse than I thought. My mom caused major drama. Guys are all watching those lousy games, and apparently (I didnt know at the time) my mom her, and a couple of other women were in another room talking. So my mom starts crying and blaming herself. Going on about how she married my dad very young, and they would fight and yell a lot, and she thinks it scarred me. Even claiming I would tell her Im never getting married at like 3-4 lol. WTF Then shes upset because she thinks Ill be upset at her for it happening, like she was pushing my mom or something. My dad is telling me Im crazy if I let her go, you wont do any better, but if you arent serious about her you need to stop leading her on. My brothers are laughing and crackign jokes. My sisters tease me privately that they thinks its their fault, because they babied me too much lol. And it isnt just my immediate family there, so it gets embarassing. And my grandma, who is really starting to lose it, says hes just like his grandfather, he just wants to stick it in everything with tits (said it in another language). Now my mom is laughing and telling her to be quiet, my gf has no idea what is being said, and grams drops "they even have the same penis" line Which isnt as weird as it sounds lol. We would spend time in the summer with them overseas on this old farm. Very lkimited privacy or shower facilities lol. Now everyone is crackig up, in tears, and my gf still has no idea what any of them are saying. Anyway when we left, she stayed the night. We are supposed to be on break, but she was upset. Left this morning, had to work. Idk well see
Ody Posted November 27, 2009 Posted November 27, 2009 And my grandma, who is really starting to lose it, says hes just like his grandfather, he just wants to stick it in everything with tits (said it in another language). Now my mom is laughing and telling her to be quiet, my gf has no idea what is being said, and grams drops "they even have the same penis" line Which isnt as weird as it sounds lol. LOL Your grandmother is hilarious. Yeah rough spot. I consider if my parents' problems made me marriage wary, maybe your mom's on to something. Sucks to have such a big production made about it though. But regardless I'd probably hold out for skin burning and blood boiling too. Such a difficult situation.
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