rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 So the short version: I met a girl bout 4 months ago. Been chilling(not to much, so i think im fine on the Friend Zone) and im starting to like her. So Im going to ask her out Monday when we get back to school from Thanksgiving break to a movie that Friday night. Now what i need advice on is sharing how i feel about her. What i was planning on doing was just after the movie on the way back to dropping her off was just doing something like this(if no moments occur that make it a natural convo) me - "Hey i got a question for you" her - "ok?" me - "So im starting to like you as more than a friend and was wondering how you were feeling about me?" is this a reasonable way of asking her? if someone asked you like this how would you feel? I dont want to scare her away or make her uncomfortable. im fine with being friends if she doesnt like me.
alphamale Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 So the short version: I met a girl bout 4 months ago. Been chilling(not to much, so i think im fine on the Friend Zone) and im starting to like her. So Im going to ask her out Monday when we get back to school from Thanksgiving break to a movie that Friday night. Now what i need advice on is sharing how i feel about her. What i was planning on doing was just after the movie on the way back to dropping her off was just doing something like this(if no moments occur that make it a natural convo) me - "Hey i got a question for you" her - "ok?" me - "So im starting to like you as more than a friend and was wondering how you were feeling about me?" is this a reasonable way of asking her? if someone asked you like this how would you feel? I dont want to scare her away or make her uncomfortable. im fine with being friends if she doesnt like me. dude, if nothing romantic has happened in 4 months you're already in the "friendszone"
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 if someone asked you like this how would you feel? I dont want to scare her away or make her uncomfortable. im fine with being friends if she doesnt like me. I would be creeped out unless I was REALLY into the guy. So I guess if you're going for pedal-to-the-metal or nothing at all - this is a good way to go about it. Otherwise, it's better to just let actions speak by going on dates and letting things progress naturally.
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 dude, if nothing romantic has happened in 4 months you're already in the "friendszone" eh, were both shy people, im not flirty at all even to people i like, and she doesnt seem to be flirty with anyone either. Im hiding my feelings, so she could be. but anyway, im 95% sure she doesnt like me anyway. I still want to do this tho so I can get the practice and sting of being rejected, if i can ask someone out i know will say no, im sure i can ask someone out i know will say yes, or i dont know. so is it a valid way of asking?
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 I would be creeped out unless I was REALLY into the guy. So I guess if you're going for pedal-to-the-metal or nothing at all - this is a good way to go about it. Otherwise, it's better to just let actions speak by going on dates and letting things progress naturally. well now that i think about it i prob did friend zone myself lol. Weve hung out alot 1-on-1, but never hugged or anything cuz i cant be physically touchy without someone im unsure of due to some earlier girls beating me up pretty bad. So i tend to talk about stuff more than i show it, then once i know i can do with actions.
alphamale Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 so is it a valid way of asking? no, the valid way of asking is to ask her back to your place for drinks and salmon pate on crackers....if she likes you then you make out and then have sex. thats basically how it works in a nutshell
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 no, the valid way of asking is to ask her back to your place for drinks and salmon pate on crackers....if she likes you then you make out and then have sex. thats basically how it works in a nutshell were 18 and in college. Shes a strong Christian, and im testing the religious waters. SO drinks are out of the question, and sex is since i dont have sex outside of relationships. @soulsearch: why would you be creeped out?
alphamale Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 were 18 and in college. Shes a strong Christian, and im testing the religious waters. SO drinks are out of the question, and sex is since i dont have sex outside of relationships. well then basically you're screwed (or not screwed )
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 well then basically you're screwed (or not screwed ) haha, funny man so you advise against asking her? Im basically asking a friend i started to grow feelings for, so its not like shed know unless i talked to her about it, i think shed be more freaked out by me trying to hold her hand out of the blue than talking about it:p
alphamale Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 so you advise against asking her? honestly when it comes to this right-wing-rush-limbaugh-christian-conservative crap i really don't have any answers.... do whatever you feel comfortable with
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 honestly when it comes to this right-wing-rush-limbaugh-christian-conservative crap i really don't have any answers.... do whatever you feel comfortable with im not conservative or right wing but ok! lol thanks, ill see how it goes and decide what to do....may do it just to get rejected to get used to it.
radwimps Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 just go for it experience, even if you get rejected, you can only get wiser from it.
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 just go for it experience, even if you get rejected, you can only get wiser from it. so you wouldnt be uncomfortable if someone asked like that? even tho i know ill prob get rejected, i wanna atleast say it in a way that wont war rent a automatic Nope, were friends.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 @soulsearch: why would you be creeped out? If I don't like the guy? Because it's WAY too forward and it assumes A LOT (namely, I would imagine the guy assumed I felt the same way, or wouldn't have said what he said).
karmait28 Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 if you ask her like that then your definitely going to get rejected. You have to be a bit more romantic, throw her name in there at some point to get her attention, and dont ask her anything tell her how you feel. If you do it your way shes going to know exactly what you are going to say before you say it, and that gives her enough time to think of a good rejection line. If you tell her and catch her off guard you will get a real answer. BE CONFIDENT remember shes already hanging out with you even if you are a friend she is with you instead of another girl.
BobSacamento Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Just ask her to the a movie. Don't tell her you like her more than just a friend, show her that. Make a move.
jerseyboy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Never ask a girl anything unless you already know her answer:) Seriouslky dont ever ask. They mostly dont even know what the hell they really want, and generally freak out over deciding far simpler matters. Girls fall into relationships. Dont try to reason or talk her into it. You either make it so she wants to be with you, or she doesnt. And Im not sayinbg dont take her out and show her a good time, but she isnt going to fall for you because you bought her a nice dinner and listened to her babble on endlessly night after night. Make her want you You arent going to do that just verbally. It def helps though. You have to initiate physical contact
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Never ask a girl anything unless you already know her answer:) Seriouslky dont ever ask. They mostly dont even know what the hell they really want, and generally freak out over deciding far simpler matters. Girls fall into relationships. Dont try to reason or talk her into it. You either make it so she wants to be with you, or she doesnt. And Im not sayinbg dont take her out and show her a good time, but she isnt going to fall for you because you bought her a nice dinner and listened to her babble on endlessly night after night. Make her want you You arent going to do that just verbally. It def helps though. You have to initiate physical contact problem being, we have Christmas break in two weeks after finals, so im thinking if i dont be blunt about it, it prob wont happen seeing as shell be 150 miles away for 2 months. And were not good enough friends for me to go visit, so unless i ask her bout it and she feels the same, itll be 2 months til i see her again to continue 'wooing' her. I dunno, i kinda just feel that asking is the only way. Shes not flirty and im not either, so its not necessarily a bad sign. I like her, bu ti dont flirt. could be same for her. Shes so similiar to me its scary which is why im thinking talking about it is the best way. and as far as knowing her answer, its either im 95% sure she lives me, or im 95% sure she doesnt. likei said she isnt flirty with ANYONE as im not either. So from what i observe tho, i would say she likes me, or im justm aking things up.
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 If I don't like the guy? Because it's WAY too forward and it assumes A LOT (namely, I would imagine the guy assumed I felt the same way, or wouldn't have said what he said). lol well, im asking because i DONT know for sure..
boogieboy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) You cant ask her directly with words, you have to do it with actions. You have to practice start being flirty with touches, and see how she reacts. Thats how women like it in the beginning. Since you werent flirting with her, You havent built up any romantic rappore. You have to build up a rappore with flirting and touches, and then you have to see if shes into by looking her directly in the eyes and all that, then you move in for a kiss. Thats the only way to do it to succeed. I know youre scared of it this approach, but you have to start practicing it now. If she likes you, you cant screw it up. The way you want to do it is the chickens way out, and women dont like that, they like men who take charge of the situation and at least ACT like they know what theyre doing. Asking her screams of insecurity and women HATE that. What she will think is "he doesnt know that I dont like him, hes sooo pathetic." If you just ask her directly without doing any flirting, thats like meeting a person for the first time and then they ask you to lend them money. Would you lend money to a person if you dont know if theyre good for it? Edited November 26, 2009 by boogieboy
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 You cant ask her directly with words, you have to do it with actions. You have to practice start being flirty with touches, and see how she reacts. Thats how women like it in the beginning. Since you werent flirting with her, You havent built up any romantic rappore. You have to build up a rappore with flirting and touches, and then you have to see if shes into by looking her directly in the eyes and all that, then you move in for a kiss. Thats the only way to do it to succeed. I know youre scared of it this approach, but you have to start practicing it now. If she likes you, you cant screw it up. The way you want to do it is the chickens way out, and women dont like that, they like men who take charge of the situation and at least ACT like they know what theyre doing. Asking her screams of insecurity and women HATE that. What she will think is "he doesnt know that I dont like him, hes sooo pathetic." If you just ask her directly without doing any flirting, thats like meeting a person for the first time and then they ask you to lend them money. Would you lend money to a person if you dont know if theyre good for it? eh, so basically im screwed. but you would do this method with a girl whos basically a friend? I was planning on just friends at first, but then i got to know her, and shes like my female twin, love it, very appealing. So, i would still use this seeing as how ive kinda changed my mind mind way.
radwimps Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 yup, definitely listen to what boogieboy said. but at your age, you learn most things by TRYING AND FAILING. Then you realize what you've done right/wrong and begin getting better from there, not from internet forums. Take some of the tips from here, and then try what you think would be best. Then if she says yes, great! If she says no, you have more understanding when you go for the next girl. hindsight is 20/20
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) yup, definitely listen to what boogieboy said. but at your age, you learn most things by TRYING AND FAILING. Then you realize what you've done right/wrong and begin getting better from there, not from internet forums. Take some of the tips from here, and then try what you think would be best. Then if she says yes, great! If she says no, you have more understanding when you go for the next girl. hindsight is 20/20 well, i understand what yall are saying for a girl i just met and am takin on a date, but for a recent friend, friend nonetheless, i started to like. this would work? i would think randomly flirting and trying to hold her hand and kiss her out of the blue would be more shocking than asking her. but maybe im wrong. so its a change of heart on my part(friends to liking her), not sure whats shes wanted from the start since she doesnt flirt AT ALL with ANYONE and ive known her for 4 months so we are friends. Edited November 26, 2009 by rateyes
boogieboy Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 It only feels awkward if you make it awkward. Dont worry about it. The bottom line is, you like her now, you will be ruining the friendship with this because you might not be able to go back to just friends, and youve crossed over. You now have to take the plunge, and face the possibility that since you have feelings for her now, you might not be able to look at her if she doesnt like you. She could be inexpereinced in flirting, so you have to take charge of the situation. She might have liked you and might not have known how to show you, but she knows instinctively that just telling you straight up doesnt work. But know that the friends route doesnt work with women normally, you ave to make moves fast when you first meet them. With a girl youve been friends with, well since you dont know if she likes you, nothing might work. But telling her straight up is the greater of two evils. So start flirting little by little, let her get used to you being physical. You cant hit her all at once. At some point, she will either stop you, or give in.
Author rateyes Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 It only feels awkward if you make it awkward. Dont worry about it. The bottom line is, you like her now, you will be ruining the friendship with this because you might not be able to go back to just friends, and youve crossed over. You now have to take the plunge, and face the possibility that since you have feelings for her now, you might not be able to look at her if she doesnt like you. She could be inexpereinced in flirting, so you have to take charge of the situation. She might have liked you and might not have known how to show you, but she knows instinctively that just telling you straight up doesnt work. But know that the friends route doesnt work with women normally, you ave to make moves fast when you first meet them. With a girl youve been friends with, well since you dont know if she likes you, nothing might work. But telling her straight up is the greater of two evils. So start flirting little by little, let her get used to you being physical. You cant hit her all at once. At some point, she will either stop you, or give in. alright understood. i may just ask, get rejected and be done with it, go to being friends. i can find girls left and right, so i wont be hurt if she doesnt like me and will be fine with friends. but ill keep this in mind next time i meet a beautiful girl, so i dont have this situation over again.
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