midawg Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Recently - within the last 3 months - I have dated 3 women who have come to the following conclusion: "You are moving to fast" .... A very vague term in my male mind. Have I talked of a future beyond a 2nd date - no not really! All 3 occurances occured during the early dating phase 1st/1st/3rd. It seems when you meet someone - both claim a attraction has occured - it is only natural to talk of having fun together/dates/etc. The only common demonator I can recognize in all three relationships - each girl was "seeing" other people at the same time. Ladies - do you care to translate for us men - what "moving to fast" means. I would love to hear your feedback.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Youre dating attached women and wanting what exactly? I dont date m,arried women. I never have or would. But I have been low enough to entertain single women in relationships. Not proud of it, but there it is. They want to have fun, and as importantly, they dont want anyone to find out. The last thing they want is some clingy guy who gets so attached they may do something to threaten their relationship with the other guy. They want to feel safe
single ape Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 i think he just means they werent exclusive.. not necessarily attached. Sounds to me like you need to learn how to throttle the stoke. There is a certain amount of keeping your cool that has to happen no matter how excited you are.. and you're obviously not doing it.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 ahh kk My bad I have no idea then. No one has ever said anything close like that to me. Unless he means sex, but then it was more like do you mind if we wait
threebyfate Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 midawg, you're going to have to expand on your opening post. Do you push them for intimacy or exclusivity? One man I dated, surprised dropped onto me that we would be dining with his parents on our third date. Now that's a little too fast, considering that we barely knew each other.
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Recently - within the last 3 months - I have dated 3 women who have come to the following conclusion: "You are moving to fast" .... A very vague term in my male mind. Have I talked of a future beyond a 2nd date - no not really! All 3 occurances occured during the early dating phase 1st/1st/3rd. It seems when you meet someone - both claim a attraction has occured - it is only natural to talk of having fun together/dates/etc. The only common demonator I can recognize in all three relationships - each girl was "seeing" other people at the same time. So you asked these girls if they were seeing other people on the first date?
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 So you asked these girls if they were seeing other people on the first date? I do .
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I do Seeing or sleeping? Answer to number 1 is almost always yes, why ask? Anyway something tells me you and the OP here are not playing in the same ballpark.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Seeing or sleeping? Answer to number 1 is almost always yes, why ask? Anyway something tells me you and the OP here are not playing in the same ballpark. Not sure how I do it,. I dont think Ive ever assked are you sleeping wiht them. But I also have a way of staying quiet and letting people talk lol. An uncomfortable pause and theyll generally add a disclaimer. as in her "I date, nothing serious" me.....................................................................(looking in their eyes passively) her" Im not havign sex with anyone though if thats what you mean" me" No was just curious
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Not sure how I do it,. I dont think Ive ever assked are you sleeping wiht them. But I also have a way of staying quiet and letting people talk lol. An uncomfortable pause and theyll generally add a disclaimer. as in her "I date, nothing serious" me.....................................................................(looking in their eyes passively) her" Im not havign sex with anyone though if thats what you mean" me" No was just curious Yeah, OK that makes total sense. LOL yeah it's hilarious what you can get out of people with silence. Anyway based on limited info from the OP I'm guessing he worries too much about who these first dates are banging or swooning for and tries to get that information up front, rather than starting with the more basic considerations like "do I like this girl enough to finish this date." Other possibility is he's sticking his tongue down the throat before the waiter arrives to take the drink order but something tells me he's not the type. Door number three would be doing things like talking about the vacations they are going to take together, or saying how his parents will love her or some such dreamy nonsense. Being a bit rough here since OP says he's zero for three so far so a change in approach is probably called for.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 LOL Really I find though women ask those type of questions first Somewhere right after have you ever been married, do you have kids. Then follows are you seeing anyone.
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 LOL Really I find though women ask those type of questions first Somewhere right after have you ever been married, do you have kids. Then follows are you seeing anyone. I get the first two but they chicken out on the third
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I get the first two but they chicken out on the third Nah IM easy to talk to I think Complete strangers tell me their life stories in such exacting and embarassing detail its freaky. My friends and family all joke I know everyone in a place within 20 minutes of getting there. I think it hit home one day I drove my sis to the emergency room. She left for a while to go get xrays, then after she came back she was laughing asking how long was she gone, because everyone kept coming over asking how she was and saying Hi, people I had talked to while she was gone. Even I wa slike yeah that is kind oif weird
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I get the first two but they chicken out on the third The worst are all the "how come you are still single" questions, like you must secretly be a serial killer, or somethign equally horrific
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 The worst are all the "how come you are still single" questions, like you must secretly be a serial killer, or somethign equally horrific This is actually a coded way of asking if you're sleeping with other girls, I get that one all the time
Devil Inside Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Midawg we are going to need some more information to assess the problem. The other thought I had could be that because they were already seeing someone else, maybe those other relationships got serious and this was just what they said to let you down easy.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 This is actually a coded way of asking if you're sleeping with other girls, I get that one all the time I dont think so And it does minorly piss me off. Its always asked in a way as if to say a guy like you should be married, as in women would want to, but you arent so what is the problem Im not aware of? As if just because some woman wants to get married, I would want to marry them, and am just some powerless bystander between desire and actualization.
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I dont think so And it does minorly piss me off. Its always asked in a way as if to say a guy like you should be married, as in women would want to, but you arent so what is the problem Im not aware of? As if just because some woman wants to get married, I would want to marry them, and am just some powerless bystander between desire and actualization. The thing is the common assumption about a man who is successful, attractive, confident, not in his early twenties, etc and not married is that he is not married because he wants to sleep around. It is the parallel to the assumption that a single woman in her late thirties is some kind of baby hungry crazy spinster. They know you are not a secret axe murderer, they are not really asking why you're single. Yeah totally with you on that powerless bystander bit being a minor piss off.
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