b52s Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I have this female friend....she's fun, but kind of flaky. The one with the diarrhea of the mouth every time she sees "hot" guys in public. She was the I had mentioned she was relocating to find other romantic prospects. I had a male friend of mine who is in his late 30's...looking to get married and have kids. He's been out with her a couple of times, or at least I've seen them flirt and interact at house parties. She's also a nerd, so she likes to attend Sci-Fi conventions, when we got started talking, she says that I'm the only "nerd" she knows, and she finds it wierd to go to Sci Fi cons herself....she said she wound up going with her Ex-boyfriend, because he was the only "nerd" she wanted to go with (oh, by the way, he broke her heart). But yet still wants to share the same hotel room with the guy...go figure. Contradiction 1: She says she wish she could find a "gorgeous" nerd. Yeah, good luck with that. LOL She also says, "It's also hard to find a guy my age (mid-30's) that wants kids" Thinking of my friend that I know somewhat well, and he he's a nice guy who is also a nerd...and he's not bad looking either...works out all the time. But he is short in stature. I asked her, "Well what about <his name>, he wants kids..and he seems pretty cool." Contradiction 2: "Yeah, but I dont' find him exciting enough" Typically, when a woman says, "I'm looking for someone exciting" it means, "I'm looking for a bad boy" Okay, people who want to settle down and have kids, esp. her. Usually cut down on the "exciting" partying bad boy thing. Plus, it's not a proper environment for the children to be in. Ever meet someone with standards in a mate that contradict each other?
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I don't think her standards are contradictory. Just my thoughts to follow. I think guys confuse cause and effect. Guys interpret bad boys differently than women. It really isnt so different than what we want in women. They just want someone who is fun and exciting. They want someone to give them that sexual charge and make them feel attractive. In short theyn want someone who knows how to attract them, how to talk to women, and who is himself desirable. We want the same thing. You want a girl who stokes you, who is attractive, who isnt too shy and demure about her sexuality, but makes you feel it. The problem is most guys like that have no trouble attracting multiple women, and little incentive to stay faithful. Same with those women to maybe a lesser degree. So you look at it as she wants an ******* who isnt going to care for her, and probably use her, instead of the "nice" guy who will presumably treat her better. Shes just hoping she meets that guy who can still treat her well. But we do the same thing. That exciting vivacious woman that you knwo deep down in your hearft is a little too flirty,a nd atract way too much attention. But you still hope she will be what you want her to be.
Yukikazi Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Agree with jersey.. exciting does not equal bad boy. You could have wealth and looks but if you are a total dullard.. the only women you will attract are those going for your money. Personality trumps all.. if you don't have one.. you got work to do. Your friend may be a nice guy but if he dosen't light her fire.. he isn't gonna get anywhere.
dreamergrl Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Why do you automatically assume 'exciting' means bad boy?
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Why do you automatically assume 'exciting' means bad boy? guy thing..........
dreamergrl Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 guy thing.......... I think it sounds more like an insecurity thing. A guy can be exciting without being a 'bad boy'.
Bejita463 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Contradiction 1: She says she wish she could find a "gorgeous" nerd. Yeah, good luck with that. LOL True. I am damned fine hide'n'seek player.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I think it sounds more like an insecurity thing. A guy can be exciting without being a 'bad boy'. Maybe Its just more how the perceive what the guy is doing. I tried to explain it above. But its difficult to communicate. I think most guys know what is meant. They see guys like that as men who can move from girl to girl effortlessly, the kind other girls throw themselves at, and predictively as men who will just use and drop the girl. Also as arrogant and conceited Bad boy isnt too big a pejorative. Most guys usually just tell any girl interested in me how can you be dating that ******* lol Bad boy would be a step up
dreamergrl Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Maybe Its just more how the perceive what the guy is doing. I tried to explain it above. But its difficult to communicate. I think most guys know what is meant. They see guys like that as men who can move from girl to girl effortlessly, the kind other girls throw themselves at, and predictively as men who will just use and drop the girl. Also as arrogant and conceited Bad boy isnt too big a pejorative. Most guys usually just tell any girl interested in me how can you be dating that ******* lol Bad boy would be a step up Like I said, it's an insecurity thing. They see certain guys who have no problems getting a girl, and they automatically call them a 'bad boy'. A man who uses and loses a girl is a player, not a 'bad boy'. What one finds exciting is a standard, not being into 'bad boys'. People find different traits and personalities exciting. It depends on the person.
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Maybe Its just more how the perceive what the guy is doing. I tried to explain it above. But its difficult to communicate. I think most guys know what is meant. They see guys like that as men who can move from girl to girl effortlessly, the kind other girls throw themselves at, and predictively as men who will just use and drop the girl. Also as arrogant and conceited Bad boy isnt too big a pejorative. Most guys usually just tell any girl interested in me how can you be dating that ******* lol Bad boy would be a step up I'm actually with DG on this one, most guys I see who complain about bad boys are "nice guys". And you know what that means. But yes the terms certainly are vague and subject to gender (or otherwise) biased interpretation.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Like I said, it's an insecurity thing. They see certain guys who have no problems getting a girl, and they automatically call them a 'bad boy'. A man who uses and loses a girl is a player, not a 'bad boy'. What one finds exciting is a standard, not being into 'bad boys'. People find different traits and personalities exciting. It depends on the person. Its semantical, and I wont argue slang definitions. I just dont think he was talking about some guy riding a Harley, living on the edge or crossing the line of illegal, who likes to drink and beat people up. Its not a James Dean/rebel without a cause allusion.
Ody Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I just dont think he was talking about some guy riding a Harley, living on the edge... She says she wish she could find a "gorgeous" nerd. [...] "Yeah, but I dont' find him exciting enough" [re: she on b52s's friend] Typically, when a woman says, "I'm looking for someone exciting" it means, "I'm looking for a bad boy" Eh, stretching "exciting" spoken by a self professed nerd lover into "looking for a bad boy" is just a stretch. Best (and most likely) case the OP is just rooting for his guy friend here on the matchmaking angle and wishes his girl friend was into this guy. But possible bad case is as as DG said, a bit of insecurity, doubt whether his friend can deliver the "excitment" required and subsequently kind of pushing the blame onto the girl's expectations. Before that turns into flames, let me make it clear this just looks like b52s looking out for his buddy, which is a good thing. I just see what DG means about insecurity and I similarly suspect usage of the phrase "bad boy" by dudes. Also totally agree on "It really isnt so different than what we want in women."
D-Jam Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I'm going to partially agree with B52s on the "exciting = bad boy" IN THIS CASE OF THIS PARTICULAR WOMAN. I base this on a whole of everything I see about her...although I also think this topic unfortunately comes off as a voice of a guy who got passed up and is bitching why available women won't give him a shot but yet they complain how they can't find any decent males, etc. Now then, I think that woman has set a lot of standards, she probably has her long laundry list and maybe even has some standards that contradict one another. Maybe inside she lusts for a hot guy who loves sci-fi and "geeky" stuff but yet also hits the gym and is "drool worthy" with his fashion sense. Maybe she's also lusting the guy who can get any woman he wants (and sleeps around), but he'll give them all up for her. Maybe she wants the wild party guy, but he'll slow down and marry her and start a family. Frankly, like it or not, she's got standards...and she's allowed to have them. Just as much as I'm allowed to have standards and everyone else here is allowed (including b52s). I say it over and over...standards are only good and realistic IF YOU CAN ATTAIN THEM. She apparently can't attain them, despite how much she thinks she can, so her standards are probably unrealistic. So if she moves to several cities and keeps claiming she can't find the ideal man...then it's her own fault because she probably can't realize and accept the pool of eligible men are not of her desired standards. Maybe the guys she really wants exist, but they might be married off or might come close to what she wants...like he might think sci-fi is childish or he might be divorced but never wants to marry or have kids in his life. It's on her. We can rattle off to death about men and women who walk around chronically single and keep impossible standards, but better to leave them be to their own fate. If a man or woman is going to disregard 99% of the population because of a laundry list, then they are their own obstacle in life. Everyone else should just ignore them, remove them from the pool of possibilities, and not wonder why they keep saying they want to find love (but reject everyone they meet).
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