Ornithes Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 So I recently got into this relationship that I'm not too stoked about. Essentially I feel completely inferior to him. He and I are in the architecture program at the same university. He is one of the best kids in the program and I am good but not the best. He comes from a wealthy family in China and I come from a lower middle class family in America. While being pretty average looking, in China he has dated models; I am merely pretty. I could go on but I think you get the idea. In the past I've always dated men that were inferior to me in some way so that I felt in control. Now that I am in the opposite position I am incredibly uncomfortable. Should I consider myself lucky for finding a guy who likes me despite my failings or should I be suspicious of his motives?
rina_r Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 May be you need to stop putting down yourself so much...and just enjoy your relationship. Love sees no color...etc...
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 In the past I've always dated men that were inferior to me in some way so that I felt in control. Now that I am in the opposite position I am incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe now is a good time to let go of your insecurities. He must like SOMETHING about you, or he wouldn't be wasting his time. Should I consider myself lucky for finding a guy who likes me despite my failings Um, yes. or should I be suspicious of his motives? Um, no. This makes me chuckle. What motives could he possibly have? Guys in general don't work up some complex way to psychologically **** with women. The ones that do end up doing it, it's usually out of pure stupidity. The percentage of men that are disturbed enough to go to great lengths to mindfck someone is right up there with serial killers. Or perhaps I missed the point of your statement since I don't understand what motives he could have.
USMCHokie Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Love sees no color... But it can certainly be a roadblock in getting to love...but that is neither here nor there...
RobM Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 You would be surprised how sexy and attractive self confidence is, maybe work on yours, he likes you for some reason, stop putting yourself down and realize you have something to offer.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Honestly guys dont think that way in terms of women. I think you are projecting female standards onto him. Lots of girls do. I cant speak to his sincerity, especially considering both of you are young, but I can pretty much guarantee if it doesnt work out it wont be because of your grades or family wealth.
boogieboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Youre a control freak. This is your chance to work on that.
VeveCakes Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 If this guy is into you, enjoy it. Consider yourself lucky...but also take a minute to think about what this guy sees in you and remember next time you feel insecure.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 At minimum dont mention it to him all the time to ease your insecurity OMFG!!!! thats so annoying
Author Ornithes Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 Thank you for the feedback. I agree that I should work on my self confidence because I know I have a lot to offer. Believe it or not I'm actually rather confident when it comes to American men but when it comes to Chinese men I'm completely out of my element. In my town I fit the standard of beauty rather well. I half native america, quarter french and quarter scillian. Altogether it creates this ambiguous looking ethnicity that American men seem to like and I've been told by a Moroccan exchange student that I look Moroccan and I would be the most beautiful girl in Morocco (I'm not that good looking, he was drunk but I do look Moroccan/Lebanese/Brazilian/etc). However in China I hear they like their women stick thin and pale. This could not describe me less. I'm not fat but I'm not skinny and I'm most definitely not pale. I really wouldn't be so damn insecure if he wasn't Chinese because I feel like all the things that make me attractive are considered unattractive in China (curvy figure, olive skin, strong features). In addition the media always seems to portray rich men as playboys who use women until they grow bored with them. I've never dated somebody wealthy so movies are my only standard. Stupid, I know, but I'm inexperienced. Perhaps one of the greatest ironies of my life is that I am extremely well read, witty and eloquent and the Chinese guy can't truly appreciate any of it. So essentially I can't help but wonder why he likes me. Piece of ass.
Author Ornithes Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 At minimum dont mention it to him all the time to ease your insecurity OMFG!!!! thats so annoying I've never mentioned any of this to him. If I did I wouldn't be consulting people from an internet forum.
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I've never mentioned any of this to him. If I did I wouldn't be consulting people from an internet forum. LOL I just mean I hear that a lot. Women who dont think they are accomplished enough etc. Mostly they feel like you would prefer someone more socially skilled etc because of work and such. And no matter how much you reassure them it goes on and on and on till you cant take it any more
Author Ornithes Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 LOL I just mean I hear that a lot. Women who dont think they are accomplished enough etc. Mostly they feel like you would prefer someone more socially skilled etc because of work and such. And no matter how much you reassure them it goes on and on and on till you cant take it any more I can relate. I had a boyfriend who annoyed the hell out of me because he was incredibly insecure. I know nothing is less sexy than somebody who is insecure so I am very careful to never express it to anybody. However, on the internet there is a certain level of anonymity that allows me to bare all my little insecurities and now that we've established that I'm not driving him up the wall by demanding constant assurances we can get back to the point of my post.
Johnny M Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 So I recently got into this relationship that I'm not too stoked about. Essentially I feel completely inferior to him. He and I are in the architecture program at the same university. He is one of the best kids in the program and I am good but not the best. He comes from a wealthy family in China and I come from a lower middle class family in America. While being pretty average looking, in China he has dated models; I am merely pretty. So you've got nothing to offer compared to a nerdy, average looking chinaman? If that's true, you've got a big problem...
Sam Spade Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Um, no. This makes me chuckle. What motives could he possibly have? Guys in general don't work up some complex way to psychologically **** with women. The ones that do end up doing it, it's usually out of pure stupidity. The percentage of men that are disturbed enough to go to great lengths to mindfck someone is right up there with serial killers. Not if we're talking about Harvey Keitel pimping young Jodie Foster in "Taxi Driver" - disturbingly elegant .
Author Ornithes Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 (edited) So you've got nothing to offer compared to a nerdy, average looking chinaman? If that's true, you've got a big problem... Ha ha. He's not nerdy. He is tall and tan and he used to be the bassist for a well known local metal band. He is a musical prodigy and kind of a badass. He killed a gang leader in China when he was in middle school because the guy attacked him. He isn't your stereotypical effeminate, nerdy Chinese guy. What do you think about him having killed somebody? He only stabbed him once in the side and the guy was a much older gang leader and gang leader attacked him. Should I still be sketched out? Edited November 25, 2009 by Ornithes typo
Yukikazi Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I'd be taking that with a large grain of MSG... Stabbed and killed a gang leader? LOL.. I say show the proof of that. You need to stop worrying so much.. obviously he see's something attractive in you. Stop questioning yourself and stressing out.
Author Ornithes Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 (edited) I'd be taking that with a large grain of MSG... Stabbed and killed a gang leader? LOL.. I say show the proof of that. You need to stop worrying so much.. obviously he see's something attractive in you. Stop questioning yourself and stressing out. Heh. If it was a tall tale he probably would have made it a bit more epic. The way he tells it it sounds more like a lucky shot than a intense battle but I'd much rather it be a lie. I agree with you about questioning myself and stressing out. I had a bad relationship a couple years ago. The guy is still stalking me and threatening me and he has joined the architecture program at my school to get close to me. I blame myself for not seeing the warning signs. Now I tend to over analyze any relationship that I get into and subconsciously sabotage it. I'll just try to enjoy being with this new guy. Edited November 25, 2009 by Ornithes
Yukikazi Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Could always send your new stab happy BF after your stalker
Johnny M Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Ha ha. He's not nerdy. He is tall and tan and he used to be the bassist for a well known local metal band. He is a musical prodigy and kind of a badass. He killed a gang leader in China when he was in middle school because the guy attacked him. He isn't your stereotypical effeminate, nerdy Chinese guy. LMAO Is this your bf?
Scarlett513 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Be wary of guys who claim they date models. Not that it's impossible, but I don't think a guy should be bragging of his previous conquests to his current lady. Reeks of insecurity, as far as I'm concerned.
Johnny M Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Be wary of guys who claim they date models. Not that it's impossible, but I don't think a guy should be bragging of his previous conquests to his current lady. Reeks of insecurity, as far as I'm concerned. But what about dating guys who have killed gang leaders in China?
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