priteeone Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I've been dating my guy for a year and a half and we argue quite a bit more than I'd ever have expected to in any of my relationships. I love him, but just today he blew up on me. Things are stressful at this point in our life. We just moved to another state together. Getting everything situated has taken a toll on our relationship. For the last couple months, he's been searching the 'local singles' sites on the computer, (no I've actually NOT been snooping, I did at one point and we had a talk and I agreed to give him his privacy... I feel like I fell for his making me feel guilty about doing so.) now i'm completely worried after today that he's actually REALLY looking for someone else, or even someone to just cheat on me with. He says he loves me. But today, that is NOT one of the things he said... Among other things, ( I honestly can't remember WHAT started out argument, because it always turns into a spew fest for him,) He has expressed that he doesn't "SEE" that I love him. He doesn't feel I care about his feelings. He IS the kind of person who needs A LOT of attention, that I THOUGHT I was giving to him, but again, he does not "see" it. He says he doesn't feel that I love him. He feels as if I consistently never believe him about anything he says, and that I always try to "prove him wrong,"... How can HE feel that way, when he makes ME feel that very same way???? I don't understand how we can both feel the same on such a subject. I do my best to speak to him just as I speak to anyone, with a little more detail about caring for his feelings. ummm, hello, he's my BF, of course my mind is going to tell me to care more for his feelings than anyone else's. I've been crying a lot lately, and I freeze up and start to cry when the time comes for me to be an adult and actually try to resolve the problem. I'm exhausted. Everything I say is wrong, everything I DO is wrong, my feelings are 'stupid and childish' and even tho i dedicate myself to him and his feelings enough to disregard my own feelings, he doesn't feel like I care about him or Love him. Any suggestions??? Any insights??? Please help. I'm so lost and depressed. I love him and don't want to lose him. But what if he wants to lose me? what have I done, honestly?? I don't want to play the victim, because I know there are TWO people in a relationship and I'm to blame for some things as well, most of the time I figure it out and adjust. but today, I am lost. He seems to consistently think that I never do enough. or love him enough. And throughout all this.. you might ask, 'well what about you?? are you getting the attention you need?' the answer would have to be no. I do not. I do not get support, that i give him. I do not get acceptance, that I give him. I do not get comfort, like he gets from me. I I feel like it's a one sided relationship, where I'm doing all the work. But he'll be enraged if I were to ever implicate it. HELP...please
jerseyboy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 You arent going to change him You arent going to change the way he interacvts with you Once you accept that reality , you need to seriously think about whether this is what you really want for the rest of your life. Because it doesnt get bettter
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 He sounds rather immature. I got exhausted just reading the discourse - I couldn't imagine having a relationship with him. Honestly - when it gets to the point of bicker-bicker-bicker....nothing's getting solved. Nobody wants to solve anything. It's just a straight-up bitchfest, waste of time. I'd move on and let my heart heal. He's doing a real number on you.
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