tstone_1989 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 How do I handle my girlfriend getting mad that I don't like her hanging out with guys that like her? Okay. So I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now. And I love her. But she is always hanging out with her ex boyfriend that still likes her as well as one of her "best friends" who also likes her. She told me that her friend has asked if he could kiss her and he told her a while ago that he loved her. And she still hangs out with both of these guys despite how it makes me feel. I love her so much. and i don't want to lose her. but it makes her mad that i don't like her hanging out with them because they have been her friends for a long time i guess. But I just cant stand it. I wish i could for her because i love her to death. but i cant. I feel like it would almost be morally wrong for me to be okay with it. Any way. Its so damn hard. When he told her he loved her, i asked her how she felt about him, and if she just liked him as a friend. and she said that she doesn't know how she feels about him but that she would never break up with me because she knows that she really loves me. But anyway... any advise?
mr.dream merchant Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 (edited) How do I handle my girlfriend getting mad that I don't like her hanging out with guys that like her? Okay. So I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now. And I love her. But she is always hanging out with her ex boyfriend that still likes her as well as one of her "best friends" who also likes her. She told me that her friend has asked if he could kiss her and he told her a while ago that he loved her. And she still hangs out with both of these guys despite how it makes me feel. I love her so much. and i don't want to lose her. but it makes her mad that i don't like her hanging out with them because they have been her friends for a long time i guess. But I just cant stand it. I wish i could for her because i love her to death. but i cant. I feel like it would almost be morally wrong for me to be okay with it. Any way. Its so damn hard. When he told her he loved her, i asked her how she felt about him, and if she just liked him as a friend. and she said that she doesn't know how she feels about him but that she would never break up with me because she knows that she really loves me. But anyway... any advise? I've been in this situation to some extent before and I can tell you right now, it is not even worth it to keep on going with this relationship. If its causing you that much stress it isn't worth it. You shouldn't have to settle for a girl who doesn't even KNOW if she loves you or some other guy who's been playing Mr. Best Buddy just to get in close with her *while she has a BF*. This isn't about you being insecure, because to me you're not. I doubt your GF would be okay with you hanging out with females who are after you. Have you asked her that? You should. And if you can read your GF well you'll see that she'll be lying her face off when she replies "no." To me, it sounds like she's keeping her options open. She has you, the caring and loving BF. Then she has her what-ifs, her ex BF (who she's hanging out with I don't even know why) and Mr. Best Buddy who openly admits to liking her AND she doesn't know how she FEELS ABOUT HIM? That's that bull**** right there. Don't be a sucker man, please. Her lack of maturity on this whole situation says alot about her, and her uncertainties on issues that shouldn't even be an uncertainty, let alone an issue to begin with! She should already know that she doesn't love that guy, and that she should probably stop hanging out with them or reach some sort of compromise if it bothers you, because that's what a loving and understanding GF would do. In my opinion, your best course of action would be to cut your losses. Get rid of the GF with the extra baggage and pick up one with NO baggage. Simple fix to a seemingly complicated but really simple situation. Take it from me, I've been down that road you're on for about 13 months. In the end, I was the one who crashed and burned - not her. Where she is now, who the **** knows. But looking back on it, she was NOT.WORTH.IT. Edited November 25, 2009 by mr.dream merchant
Author tstone_1989 Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 it is more complicated than that. because i love her. like. i really do love her. and so it hurts to think of not being with her
Nodoal Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Well personally for me there would be only three ways about this and its your call if you would act in a similar way. 1. Continue suffering without taking any action and grow more resentment to your gf 2. Accept that she is close with her Ex Bf, trust that even if she cheats on you that is a poor reflection on her rather than on you. This option is about coming to terms with the fact that you can only control yourself and not others. 3. Take some space, ask her to work out her feelings then get back to you, and restate that you are not cool with her hanging with an ex that she could grow to feel something for. As long as you dont do anything like option 1 you'll be alright. But most importantly you should know that your not being paranoid and unreasonable in insisting that the dynamic must change.
JustLooking123 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 This just doesn't sound right. I bet that she gets a big ego boost from having these adoring men all around her. And clearly that validation is more important to her than your feelings and needs. She sounds pretty selfish when it's put that way, huh? Look at the situation objectively, not colored by your "love" for her, and you'll see what her character is really like.
VeveCakes Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I used to be the same way, had loads of guy friends who were in love with me. I thought it was ok because I didn't feel that way about them, but it wasn't. My bf at the time sat me down and explained how innapropriate it was to have friends that LIKEDd me. I never got it at the time, but after we split I realized he was right. If you were number one in her life she would limit contact. It's one thing to be friends, quite another to be hanging out with people who want you. Its totally innapropriate I think you should talk to her, set your boundaries and see what she says. If she isn't willing to compramise then she is putting them before you and that my friend, isn't good.
CLC2008 Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 It's one thing to be friends, quite another to be hanging out with people who want you. Its totally innapropriate Agree 100%. She should know exactly how she feels, if she's not interested romantically....NOT INTERESTED. Friends is one thing OP, but you have every right to not be "ok" with your girlfriend hanging out with men who are pursuing her romantically.
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