pandagirl Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 It means boring. Being called "nice" is like a piece of Wonderbread -- it's plain and tasteless. At least in the context of dating it does. You can be considerate, have morals and ALSO be interesting and dynamic. Most people I know who have success in dating straddle this balance. So all this talk about "bad girl/boy" vs "nice girl/boy" is silly. 99% of people don't want to date someone who is mean, rude or bitchy. We all want to date someone who treats us well. But nice without an interesting personality = dud.
Pyro Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 It means boring. Being called "nice" is like a piece of Wonderbread -- it's plain and tasteless. At least in the context of dating it does. You can be considerate, have morals and ALSO be interesting and dynamic. Most people I know who have success in dating straddle this balance. So all this talk about "bad girl/boy" vs "nice girl/boy" is silly. 99% of people don't want to date someone who is mean, rude or bitchy. We all want to date someone who treats us well. But nice without an interesting personality = dud. Anyone without an interesting personality to me is a dud. People who are not nice can be pretty boring too.
Author pandagirl Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Anyone without an interesting personality to me is a dud. People who are not nice can be pretty boring too. This is true. But I think sometimes in those instances, jerk-ish behavior can be intriguing for many people.
Pyro Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 This is true. But I think sometimes in those instances, jerk-ish behavior can be intriguing for many people. Jerkish meaning to degrade or being mean to another individual? Doesn't intrigue me, but to each their own.
jerseyboy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 "Nice" in dating situations usually is a combination of desperate and boring. An expectation of if I just do enough, give enough, I should be entitled to someone elses affection. I treat her so much better than him but she chooses to be with the other guy" syndrome.
Yamaha Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I'm a "good" guy and if you find me boring then I wouldn't expect you to want to date me. I'm not going to change my personality so people will find me edgy or what other buzz word is in. I treat people the way I want to be treated and if that is boring "so be it".
carhill Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I'm too nice to tell you what I really think
Author pandagirl Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Hey man, I'm not trying to give "good" or "nice" people a bad name, because I am a "good girl," and have definitely been accused of being too nice. At the same time, I am an undercover freak, so their loss!
Author pandagirl Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 I'm a "good" guy and if you find me boring then I wouldn't expect you to want to date me. I'm not going to change my personality so people will find me edgy or what other buzz word is in. I treat people the way I want to be treated and if that is boring "so be it". If you read my original post, I specifically say that we all want someone who is nice to us. But, in the context of dating, specifically, "nice" has the connotation of being boring.
Yamaha Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 But, in the context of dating, specifically, "nice" has the connotation of being boring. Has this been ur experience or are you just jumping on the "nice guys finish last" bandwagon? If you date someone and ur personalities don't match it just means you have no chemistry, not that their to nice and boring.
Author pandagirl Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Has this been ur experience or are you just jumping on the "nice guys finish last" bandwagon? If you date someone and ur personalities don't match it just means you have no chemistry, not that their to nice and boring. No bandwagon to jump on for me. I like nice guys. I don't like jerks (or I haven't for the last 9 years for my life). I don't think you're getting the point of my post. "Nice" in the context of dating has the connotation of not having a backbone, being too agreeable and borderline smothering. What people really want is a nice person with a bit of an edge. On the other hand, I suppose two boring people could get along splendidly!
carhill Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 So how can you tell someone who's genuinely loving and caring from someone who's putting on an act purely to seek recompense? When the loving and caring person enacts a boundary to prevent being taken advantage of, you might assume that they were just acting all along; would you be wrong? Fundamentally, I feel that people who do not appreciate loving and caring people in general should just stay away from them and stick to their own kind, that which is identified by the loud sucking noises they make.
Thornton Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 When you were young and your Mum said to you "Oh, such and such is a nice boy", that usually meant you didn't want to date him He was usually the boy who helped old ladies across the street and bought flowers for his granny, and he usually had a sensible haircut and dressed like his Dad, and didn't drink because he was underage and it was against the law, and he wrote you a nice letter instead of hitting on you. That was my experience of "nice boys" anyway. Ironically, now I'm all grown up that's the sort of guy I actually want to date... nice and considerate, not a party animal or a thrillseeker, someone trustworthy and stable who I can settle down with. If I had a daughter, that's the sort of guy I'd want her to date too, and she probably wouldn't want to date him because he was "too nice"
Yamaha Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Oh, I think I get ur post. Nice, in the dating world, is taken to mean an unattractive and boring guy. There are so many articles written for men to get themselves out of the nice trap so a women will see you in a non-platonic way. Why do you think many nice guys change and become the jerks? Because they think that is the kind of guy women want to date. Being edgy means having a bit of swagger and cockiness about yourself. You can be nice and not boring and I hope that is the thrust of ur post. As I said, it usually is a matter of chemistry between people and has little to do with boring. So, what would be ur conclusion for men who want to date a women but not be considered boring, by her?
EarthGirl Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I like when people call me nice. greatest compliment I could ever get.
EarthGirl Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Jerkish meaning to degrade or being mean to another individual? Doesn't intrigue me, but to each their own. doesn't intrigue me either..infact that is the most boring thing of all...after you pick yourself up off the floor that is... it's the guys (AND girls) who use the idea that people are intrigued by such things as an excuse to hurt people..but it's not really in an attempt to win a mate, or even go on a first date.it's really all simply about them getting off on other peoples' pain.
EarthGirl Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 No bandwagon to jump on for me. I like nice guys. I don't like jerks (or I haven't for the last 9 years for my life). I don't think you're getting the point of my post. "Nice" in the context of dating has the connotation of not having a backbone, being too agreeable and borderline smothering. What people really want is a nice person with a bit of an edge. On the other hand, I suppose two boring people could get along splendidly! connotations like that mean nothing...they change over time just like the meanings of words change over different centuries, cultures etc.
deux ex machina Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 People should be themselves. If anyone thinks you are "too nice", and you are being yourself - then they are more likely than not, bored (which means they are boring ).
Author pandagirl Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Oh, I think I get ur post. Nice, in the dating world, is taken to mean an unattractive and boring guy. There are so many articles written for men to get themselves out of the nice trap so a women will see you in a non-platonic way. Why do you think many nice guys change and become the jerks? Because they think that is the kind of guy women want to date. Being edgy means having a bit of swagger and cockiness about yourself. You can be nice and not boring and I hope that is the thrust of ur post. As I said, it usually is a matter of chemistry between people and has little to do with boring. So, what would be ur conclusion for men who want to date a women but not be considered boring, by her? Yes, that was the point of my post, that you can be nice and not "boring" in the context of dating. I am also a pleaser. I want people to be happy, but I have too many times been that "nice girl." In fact once a guy told me I seemed "dark and mysterious" in the beginning, but realized quickly I was easy going and nice. haha. And that's a BAD thing? I don't know what the "solution" is, or if there is one, but I think the best thing to do is worry about yourself first and the person you're dating second. That's not to say to behave like a selfish person, but make sure YOUR needs are being met and try not to make the other person your number one priority. The reason why having a certain "swagger" works for both men and women is because they act like they are the PRIZE that you have to win.
carhill Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 So, what would be ur conclusion for men who want to date a women but not be considered boring, by her? It's actually pretty simple. I'll boil it down, like that chicken carcass I did today. Right at the moment you die, you become in her eyes the gentleman you've been your entire life. She succeeded in taming the beast. The challenge is over. Now she can collect the life insurance
Yamaha Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 The reason why having a certain "swagger" works for both men and women is because they act like they are the PRIZE that you have to win. Is this the way you truly feel or have you been reading 2 many articles on being a challehge and not showing your hand to soon? I get the feeling this has less to do with men being to nice and more to do with you thinking you need to be less nice and then you will get the edgy dude that is exciting and not boring.
Author pandagirl Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Is this the way you truly feel or have you been reading 2 many articles on being a challehge and not showing your hand to soon? I get the feeling this has less to do with men being to nice and more to do with you thinking you need to be less nice and then you will get the edgy dude that is exciting and not boring. I didn't read those articles you wrote, so I don't know what you're talking about. No, this doesn't have to do with me. The original intent of this post was to bring up when people say they want "nice," they often mean something different. As my psychologist friend says: "Most people are nice -- not many people are out right mean."
Thornton Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I think I was once dumped for being nice The guy in question thought I was desirable and confident and sexy and mysterious, and he really liked me. But as soon as I said I really liked him too and I wasn't dating anyone else, and replied to his messages straight away, and was available whenever he wanted me, and forgave him straight away for little mistakes, then he immediately lost interest. If I'd been more of a mysterious unavailable bitch then maybe he'd have been keener to continue dating me
Author pandagirl Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 I think I was once dumped for being nice The guy in question thought I was desirable and confident and sexy and mysterious, and he really liked me. But as soon as I said I really liked him too and I wasn't dating anyone else, and replied to his messages straight away, and was available whenever he wanted me, and forgave him straight away for little mistakes, then he immediately lost interest. If I'd been more of a mysterious unavailable bitch then maybe he'd have been keener to continue dating me Yup. That's happened to me, too. But you know what? You don't need that kind of push-and-pull in a relationship. That's his issue, not yours.
Ody Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I think I was once dumped for being nice The guy in question thought I was desirable and confident and sexy and mysterious, and he really liked me. But as soon as I said I really liked him too and I wasn't dating anyone else, and replied to his messages straight away, and was available whenever he wanted me, and forgave him straight away for little mistakes, then he immediately lost interest. If I'd been more of a mysterious unavailable bitch then maybe he'd have been keener to continue dating me He probably just didn't want to be monogamous and didn't feel like having "the talk" so just kind of slunk away.
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