tigressA Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I'm thinking this thing between RG (rebound guy) and I may be coming to an end tomorrow afternoon. After not seeing/talking to each other all weekend, which he requested since the last week really drained him, I had left him a text on Sunday night saying I wouldn't be in class today because I had things to take care of (I skipped out on all my classes today). Half an hour before the class we have together starts, I got a text from him saying "I'm not doing class today, if you're on campus tom. after 3:15 we can talk, if you want." Thanksgiving break starts tomorrow and I don't have classes on Tuesdays, so I could've left today if I wanted but I planned on leaving tomorrow anyway. So a few hours after he texted me I replied saying, "Of course, I want to see you : )". He'd asked me to be his girlfriend Wednesday, and then Friday he backed off, saying he needed time and that he's "not sure" if he's ready for a relationship again. I'd like to think there's a chance he just wants to go back to how we had it before, that it was just putting a label on what we had that freaked him out, and that would be okay with me since honestly, I was a bit freaked too. I only went along with it since we were basically a couple anyway. But I'm also thinking that it is very likely he does want to break it off completely. My house manager told me today, "Sometimes you have to be a bit of a manipulator and fight for what you want. You want him? Fight for him." I said, "I don't want to have to convince someone to date me." She said, "I'm saying, use what's happened between you so far. You've told me everything that's happened, it seems like there's something real between you two, and he did think enough of it to, at one time, want to put a label on it, right? That doesn't just go away in a matter of days. If he's scared, tell him you are too, but that it doesn't mean you have to stay away from each other." Of course I don't know what's going through his head or what he wants to say to me, but I know that if he just wants to go back to how it was before, without calling us an official couple, then I'm okay with that. I want to take things slowly. But then, if he wants to break it off, should I take my friend's advice?
New Again Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 "Fighting" for a guy who doesn't definitively know he wants to be with me goes against everything I believe. So no, I don't think you should listen to your house manager. Screw him, you already knew he was on the rebound, so wasn't this kind of expected? Don't let him mess with you just because he's rebounding - be smarter than that!!
Author tigressA Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Yeah, I guess in a way it was expected. It's just difficult to find a balance between maintaining the connection it's clear is there, and stepping into something neither of us (especially him) are ready for. Of course, if he seems really sure that he doesn't want to continue to date me then I won't challenge him on that. On the other hand, as I said in the post, he did specifically say he's not sure if he wants to be in a relationship, which is different from just dating and building our connection, which is what was going on with us before. I don't even know what's going through his mind, or what he's going to tell me, anyway...I don't know why I'm speculating.
northstar1 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Ugh, sorry to hear it's become a bit messy. He's probably now at the point he should have been two weeks ago - coping with all the feelings of his breakup and not sure what he wants right now. He was enjoying the intense feelings and attention because his ego took a hit when he was dumped/broke up. I'm sure is interested in you and attracted to you, but it was all too much too soon. If I were you, I'd back off from this a bit until he has time to cope and heal (despite him saying he is over it, that's not likely after a 2 year relationship) and keep your options open. Date others. And when he figures it out, and is ready to date, then he can see where you are at. If you hang around and keep spending this much time with him, even without the 'couple' tag it's going to be a lot of drama and confusion
Author tigressA Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 If I were you, I'd back off from this a bit until he has time to cope and heal (despite him saying he is over it, that's not likely after a 2 year relationship) and keep your options open. Date others. And when he figures it out, and is ready to date, then he can see where you are at. If you hang around and keep spending this much time with him, even without the 'couple' tag it's going to be a lot of drama and confusion Yeah, you're right about that. I'm sure he's interested in and attracted to me too; there were absolutely no mixed signals in any of the time that we've known each other--clear interest communicated on both sides, especially his. So that's why I'm inclined to believe that he is freaked by his premature decision to affix the couple tag to our situation. I have been keeping my options open as well; I actually went out with a guy I've known for awhile over the weekend and had a lot of fun.
New Again Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Yeah, I guess in a way it was expected. It's just difficult to find a balance between maintaining the connection it's clear is there, and stepping into something neither of us (especially him) are ready for. Of course, if he seems really sure that he doesn't want to continue to date me then I won't challenge him on that. On the other hand, as I said in the post, he did specifically say he's not sure if he wants to be in a relationship, which is different from just dating and building our connection, which is what was going on with us before. I don't even know what's going through his mind, or what he's going to tell me, anyway...I don't know why I'm speculating. I think northstar summed it up very nicely. And sorry if I'm being all debbie downer on you, but I'm the least romantic person you will ever meet. In your position, I would very much be thinking exactly what northstar said, and blowing off all the sweet mushy words this guy had been saying...
Author tigressA Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 I think northstar summed it up very nicely. And sorry if I'm being all debbie downer on you, but I'm the least romantic person you will ever meet. Oh, I definitely agree with what northstar said. And no apologies; we have different overall perspectives.
Author tigressA Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) We talked earlier and it went really well. The gist--we're on the same page. While we both have feelings for each other, he's definitely not ready for a relationship, and after giving it some thought, neither am I. Even though I ended things with my ex, there's still stuff there that doesn't just go away in the span of a 45-minute phone call about 3 weeks ago. I honestly am feeling weird since the holidays are right around the corner and I'm so used to my ex being a HUGE part of my life, it's strange knowing that I'm not going to be with him and his family during these times. I do still talk and think about him an inordinate amount, and I had an episode not too long ago when one of my housemates showed me his Facebook and I saw how incredibly depressed he's been since the second split--I felt horribly guilty, even though I know I shouldn't. Anyway, we both said that we would like to keep seeing each other, to see where things go, and that if circumstances allow for it down the road--if we're both free and he's ready and there's still that connection there between us, etc, that we would like to be together. I was honest with him and said that while I do like him, I'm definitely keeping my options open--that I had gone out on Saturday with someone as a matter of fact, and that I had a lot of fun. He understands, he said that he can't expect me to wait for him because it wouldn't be fair to me at all, and he's right about that. We briefly discussed our plans for Thanksgiving break; when he was still there I said that I didn't know where I was going to be, because while I knew I wasn't approved to stay on-campus, I also hadn't been able to get ahold of my aunt who I was going to stay with instead. He said I could call him; I said he could call me...hahaha. But then after he left (we hugged and kissed goodbye--a long kiss, not just a peck) I talked to my house manager. She said she got an e-mail saying that I've been approved to stay on-campus after all. Then my aunt called . So now that I know I'm staying on-campus, I'm going to let him know, and maybe we'll get together. But if not we'll see each other on Monday for sure, with class and all. Edited November 24, 2009 by tigressA
Author tigressA Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Thanks, jerseyboy I'm happy with how things turned out.
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