LB85 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 So I only just recently watched The Secret. It explained a lot about how the one thing i feared (being rejected by the guy I'm absolutely crazy about) actually came to existence. I was always doubting and fearing. In the end I found out he had a girlfriend all the while, I never knew and he was always the one who would contact me and try to stay in touch. I don't judge his behaviour, he maybe had a hard time with his girlfriend and I offered something she couldn't (nothing ever happened between me and him!!!). He was probably doubting how much he liked me and her. I have no right to judge his actions if I don't know whats in his head. He once suggested going for dinner and due to certain course of events, it didn't happen. I was angry at him for not keeping his word. But then I thought, if he has a girlfriend then maybe he said it in the spur of the moment and got scared after that. I'm not saying he handled it well but I do think he realised that things had gone wrong. I eventually deleted some messages I sent to him and he never came back online after that. After that, we saw each other once and he was kinder than I was but we barely talked. Now he added me on facebook. I took it differently. At first I thought it was good that he did and I didn't intend on actually messaging him or anything (since I felt like he had disrespected me). But then I realised that he only disrespected me if I feel disrespected, plans dont work out with friends all the time. I'm sure he didn't feel awkward or anything and thats why he didn't hesitate to add me. Now, after a week. some people convinced me to send him a normal casual message, since he did add me. At first I was being stubborn and everything but then I thought, to let go of the anger and to just forgive I could just send it. I didn't think "What's the worst that could happen". I thought, at least I am being kind (having nothing on my conscience or feeling upset about the whole thing). So i sent it, this time without expectation and any hope. Just to verify to myself that I did the right thing. However, some doubt has set in, he could have messaged me too (to patch up things). He could have tried to make things better etc. But then I also think, its just a message and I keep a clear distance when we actually see each other. I think it maintains a cordial behaviour on my side and makes me the bigger person. However, I do wonder, does it make me seem like I have no selfrespect or is it ok (I think it shows that I didn't take it as much to heart as he might have thought and that it doesn't seem like a biggie). I also realise why I did it, I don't want things to be strange since our families are close. I somehow believe that me sending a normal message shows that he did not affect me. How do you see it?
jerseyboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 You can be forgiving without being oblivious. If a friend steals money out of my wallet I can forgive them. Doesn't mean I would leave my wallet alone with him in the future. Or even continue the friendship.
boogieboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) If he added you, you sent the message by adding him, you do not need to send a message. You can forgive him all you want, but do you need to let his bread crumbs work on you, which makes your lack of self respect apparent? I see you want to keep the line open just in case he "decides" to like you? So youre using all the excuses in the world to keep any kind of connection with a guy that never will give you what you want, will you ever give another guy a chance when youre still pining for this guy? Is life not fullfilling enough that youre still starting threads about this guy? At what point are you going to tell yourself to forget about him and stop holding out hope? Edited November 23, 2009 by boogieboy
silic0ntoad Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Forgive. Never Forget. Ever. Mistakes happen once. Foolishness happens twice.
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