b52s Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Lately, instead of just asking a woman to join you for a cup 'o coffee or just more forward of just asking her out. It seems men have adopted alternatives to just ASKING out a woman and finding other ways to TRANSITION into asking a woman out. For example, a guy who likes a woman will tell her about a group event... "Hey, me and some friends are going bowling Sat night, would you care to join us?" See, that way, when she arrives, 10 other guys in your circle of friends will be so busy hitting on her, that you'll never have any time to talk to her, right? LOL Hoewver, this might not always be the case, and you might just be able to "partner up" with her at the bowling alley. Oh wait....she wound up on the other team instead, you know to even out teams. Anyhow, I wonder if this method of asking out a woman really works or just provides more frustration on the man's part and that he should just ask her out one on one. I sometimes wonder that's why I have a hard time getting dates....I'm too forward in asking out a woman the traditional way...and not prolonging it like so many other men do by starting off as "friends" with her and inviting her to their friends Birthday party and getting to know her that way? OR, the guy might go the outdoors route. Invite her to a hiking group, that way it might be easier to get her alone on the trail allowing for longer talk time and face time with her.
boogieboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 If youre asking women out on the first meeting, of course you wont get a date. Is that what youre doing? Youre supposed to get their number and get to know them a lil more before asking them out for coffee. If you find out that youre both interested in WWII sushi houses, then you suggest (after talking to her for a while, getting good vibes from her) that you two possibly go to said sushi house to eat on tables made of tank metal.
jerseyboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 You talking about how to approach women? Or how to proceed after you have made contact and talked some? As in what do you do after you've introduced yourself and before you have to leave?
Yukikazi Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 The quicker you escalate the sexual tension the less chance of being friendzoned. It is possible to kiss close a girl in less then 15 minutes upon first meeting them on the steet.
sedgwick Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I would LOVE it if a guy would just make it clear to me he was interested and ask me out! (Kissing me on the street within 15 minutes of meeting me, not so much.) I'm dealing right now with the "wanna come hang out with me and my friends" thing and it's driving me nuts. I'd give anything if he'd just ask me out one-on-one and end the confusion, but it seems there are very few guys out there anymore who will actually ask a girl out to dinner and proceed to take her on a proper date. Any guy who did that with me -- respectfully, after we'd had a few conversations just getting to know each other -- would score MAJOR points in my book!!
thegreatmoose Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 The quicker you escalate the sexual tension the less chance of being friendzoned. It is possible to kiss close a girl in less then 15 minutes upon first meeting them on the steet. How? It seems cruel to kiss a woman you've only talked to for 15 minutes. I'd think they would go screaming if one tried that. Exchanging phone numbers or possibly asking her out would be more appropriate after 15 minutes.
Yukikazi Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I would LOVE it if a guy would just make it clear to me he was interested and ask me out! (Kissing me on the street within 15 minutes of meeting me, not so much.) I'm dealing right now with the "wanna come hang out with me and my friends" thing and it's driving me nuts. I'd give anything if he'd just ask me out one-on-one and end the confusion, but it seems there are very few guys out there anymore who will actually ask a girl out to dinner and proceed to take her on a proper date. Any guy who did that with me -- respectfully, after we'd had a few conversations just getting to know each other -- would score MAJOR points in my book!! Makes it all the sadder that men need to resort to this since honesty tends to get you weird looks. He is giving you the wanna hang out with the friends/ gonna be here on such and such and such.. come join if you want. Those are his ways of seeing if YOU are interested. Either you haven't given him enough signals or you are being way to subtle. If you wanna escalate.. then do it.. you dopn;'t need to throw yourself at him.. just make it more obvious. If he still dosen't respond.. then write him off. Realize there are 2 warring schools of thought here.. YOU want to be friends first then see what happens.. Guys try to avoid the friendzone like the plague. gonorrhea, the clap, genital warts and herpes combined. So unfortunately you are trying to start him in the absolutely LAST place a guy wants to end up in. Attraction isn't a choice.. he is either attracted in you already or he isn't.. you need to find that out sooner rather then later by pushing the envelope, otherwise you may end up with unrequited love for someone that isn't interested in you.. or was but never realized your too subtle hints.
Ody Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 What? Who asks some woman they barely know to hang out with their friends? What if she turns out to be completely lame and all night you're basically that guy who brought around the total lamer - ugh. This has happened to me once even with a girl I had hung out with a few times previously, so I certainly wouldn't ever do that as meetup number one where the risk would be higher. Am I taking crazy pills here? This thread makes no sense to me. I can't imagine why you would try some weird group approach or "let's be friends first" approach. Good old "hey do you want to get lunch sometime" seems good to me, you immediately know if she is interested and don't have to worry about any group dynamics.
Yukikazi Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 How? It seems cruel to kiss a woman you've only talked to for 15 minutes. I'd think they would go screaming if one tried that. Exchanging phone numbers or possibly asking her out would be more appropriate after 15 minutes. How is it cruel? If all the signs are there.. go for it.. Its not like I'm saying to say a few words then go for it.. you have to have the right timing and built up the attraction enough to make it possible. If you consider it cruel to kiss a girl.. maybe you're just doing it wrong...
amirpc Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 How is it cruel? If all the signs are there.. go for it.. Its not like I'm saying to say a few words then go for it.. you have to have the right timing and built up the attraction enough to make it possible. If you consider it cruel to kiss a girl.. maybe you're just doing it wrong... This is all PUA bs. Yeah it is possible to fluster a stupid girl into kissing you. Try it with a real woman.
Yukikazi Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 This is all PUA bs. Yeah it is possible to fluster a stupid girl into kissing you. Try it with a real woman. So then you apparently have.. Never met a girl in a club and ended up making out with her... Never had a 1 night stand. Pity...
amirpc Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 So then you apparently have.. Never met a girl in a club and ended up making out with her... Never had a 1 night stand. Pity... Yeah I've made out with girls I have no respect for too, and I felt SUCH a sense of accomplishment from it... The question was about asking WOMEN out right?
Yukikazi Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Yeah I've made out with girls I have no respect for too, and I felt SUCH a sense of accomplishment from it... The question was about asking WOMEN out right? Congratulations... You are correct the question was about asking out women.. So far all you've done is make statements to me rather then attempting to tackle the subject at hand. Do you have no useful info for the OP about women? Is there no information regarding asking women out that you could supply? Please.. don't let my views and opinions stop you from giving the OP all your golden wisdom and helpful experience. He's waiting for useful info.. not lame attacks on ppl trying to help.
Ody Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Yeah I've made out with girls I have no respect for too, and I felt SUCH a sense of accomplishment from it... The question was about asking WOMEN out right? Going to have to disagree with both of you, that 15 minute thing sounds like PUA nonsense and there is a big difference between "15 minutes" and "course of the night". But losing respect for a girl (or making out with someone you have no respect for) just because she kisses you in the bar seems like thinly veiled madonna whore baggage to me. Some women I've moved quickly with were awesome and others not so much but in either case it has little to do with the fact they kissed me in the bar that first night.
amirpc Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Congratulations... You are correct the question was about asking out women.. So far all you've done is make statements to me rather then attempting to tackle the subject at hand. Do you have no useful info for the OP about women? Is there no information regarding asking women out that you could supply? Please.. don't let my views and opinions stop you from giving the OP all your golden wisdom and helpful experience. He's waiting for useful info.. not lame attacks on ppl trying to help. Touche. In my defense, it is hard to ignore regurgitated PUA drivel. However, you are correct and the OP deserves a thought out response. I actually think that one of the reasons the direct approach is good is because every piece of advice out there right now tells men to play it cool and avoid directness, to treat women like bunny rabbits and don't make sudden moves. I think that being direct makes you stand out against the "wait 6 days" crowd, which will do a lot for a particular type of woman. That said, I do think it depends a lot on the girl and where she is, if she's 22 and still kinda just having fun - the direct approach might seem a little high pressure for her. I don't know your situation in particular OP, are these girls you met online? Out randomly? How old? I think all of those will factor in heavily.
amirpc Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 But losing respect for a girl (or making out with someone you have no respect for) just because she kisses you in the bar seems like thinly veiled madonna whore baggage to me. I actually agree with you 100%, I'm strictly speaking to the PUAesque stuff. If I meet a girl and hang out with her all night and then kiss her, that is NOT the same as a 15 minute "kiss close."
Author b52s Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 Touche. In my defense, it is hard to ignore regurgitated PUA drivel. However, you are correct and the OP deserves a thought out response. I actually think that one of the reasons the direct approach is good is because every piece of advice out there right now tells men to play it cool and avoid directness, to treat women like bunny rabbits and don't make sudden moves. I think that being direct makes you stand out against the "wait 6 days" crowd, which will do a lot for a particular type of woman. That said, I do think it depends a lot on the girl and where she is, if she's 22 and still kinda just having fun - the direct approach might seem a little high pressure for her. I don't know your situation in particular OP, are these girls you met online? Out randomly? How old? I think all of those will factor in heavily. These are women I'm meeting out and about at special gatherings and events be it a bowling event nor a BBQ event, house parties, etc. Typically thorugh these Facebook events that people on my friendslist schedule. I have noticed some men would invite some woman he met on Eharmony TO a said event as well. lol Anyhow, it goes like this, some people ask the person they like "Hey,y ou going tot he bowling event this Fri night?" And they ask, "When is it?" And the person says, "8pm" It goes back and forth like this, and he tries to get her to come (some women do this with guys they like too) "Hey, you going to the Halloween party at Justin's house? I heard it's going to be awesome" People tend togo that route....some hope to be able to "carpool" and use that as an excuse to come pick her up for the event...or perhaps just meet her there. I had a woman I met at church that I asked out, and she says, "Well, are you going to be at the Church singles picnic this Sat? ANd I say, "Yeah, I plan on it" Her, "How about I just see you there?" I was kind of put off by it as to why she wouldn't want to meet one on one, and she told me she doesn't like doing that....at least at first, and prefers to get to know someone in a group setting like a social gathering or party.
amirpc Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 These are women I'm meeting out and about at special gatherings and events be it a bowling event nor a BBQ event, house parties, etc. Typically thorugh these Facebook events that people on my friendslist schedule. Actually that makes sense to me that girls you meet at those kind of events aren't responsive to the direct route, I've had similar experiences with girls I met at parties. They are out to socialize and have fun, if they were to meet someone they'd possibly be open to it but it'd have to be an immediate strong attraction or something slow and organic. That is most likely the mindset they are in, not necessarily the most amicable to a direct approach. Not that it'll never work, I just think the chances are significantly lower. You might have to scale back your directness for this crowd, sadly. Not too long ago I asked a girl I met at a party out, and I did it by telling her that I was going to dinner at my favorite Mediterranean restaurant and asking if she'd like to join me. It was one on one, but I made it clear that I was going either way (funny thing is I really was, I love that place). The atmosphere itself answered the question of whether or not it was a date. I wouldn't use that approach anymore, because I'm exclusively online these days - but it might be worth a shot in this type of situation.
Author b52s Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 Actually that makes sense to me that girls you meet at those kind of events aren't responsive to the direct route, I've had similar experiences with girls I met at parties. They are out to socialize and have fun, if they were to meet someone they'd possibly be open to it but it'd have to be an immediate strong attraction or something slow and organic. That is most likely the mindset they are in, not necessarily the most amicable to a direct approach. Not that it'll never work, I just think the chances are significantly lower. You might have to scale back your directness for this crowd, sadly. Not too long ago I asked a girl I met at a party out, and I did it by telling her that I was going to dinner at my favorite Mediterranean restaurant and asking if she'd like to join me. It was one on one, but I made it clear that I was going either way (funny thing is I really was, I love that place). The atmosphere itself answered the question of whether or not it was a date. I wouldn't use that approach anymore, because I'm exclusively online these days - but it might be worth a shot in this type of situation. I'm not sure if that's entirely accurate, if they're single and available, chances are they'd be open to being asked out if the opportunity presented itself, not sure why they would not.
amirpc Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I'm not sure if that's entirely accurate, if they're single and available, chances are they'd be open to being asked out if the opportunity presented itself, not sure why they would not. Well it's my opinion, obviously you have to take it for what it is. But what I was trying to say wasn't that they wouldn't be open to it at all, rather they'd be less likely to accept an extremely direct invitation than someone who is clearly looking for dates (online, speed dating, etc). Not saying it can't work, just saying that given the situation it makes sense to me why directness would not work as well here.
jerseyboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 They're just girls lol I have never once in my life asked a girl to come out with me and my freinds on a first date. Maybe it works for you guys, I just find it lame as hell. Its like you are afraid to let her know you like her. I never understood that about men. You're a boy, shes a girl, youre allowed to find her attractive:) I don't thinka ny girl Ive ever dated has had any question as to what I was thinking about her.
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