Cora Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I'm not sure if anyone remembers the guy I said I was talking to online who wanted to meet me, but then had to cancel for school reasons. (He's in graduate school and was working on his thesis) Well, we have been talking for almost two months now and I just kind of accepted the fact that this would probably be as far as things would go which was fine. There is nothing wrong with a new online friend in my opinion. Well, the other night in his email he asked me what my schedule was like and that if it was alright with me, he would like to meet me for lunch. He still wants to keep this very casual with no expectations and suggested we each just pay separately for our own meals.....which I think is great. I have a really good vibe about this guy.....not that we would hit it off or anything, but just that he is a really good guy. I can sense it and I feel totally comfortable with meeting him. I am very much interested in him and I hope things go well. I'm trying not to have any expectations. I just want to go with it and have fun. If I can at least come out of this with a great new friend then I think that would be awesome! I just think he is an all around nice guy with a great heart! I am totally at ease with meeting him, but I still have these darn jitters which I guess is normal. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not scared because I am. Not that it has anything to do with him, but just because I am kind of shy and have anxieties with meeting new people. I'm tired of living in fear though so I'm just gonna go for it. I mean it's just lunch so what can it hurt right? Any tips or words of encouragement? We are now deciding what restaurant to meet at. I'm excited to finally meet him.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Cora - I have social anxiety issues. Doesn't ever seem to go away completely. But the more you do it, the easier it DOES get. Go for it. I'm sure you guys will have fun.
DustySaltus Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 1. No expectations 2. No expectations 3. No expectations Hopefully, you arepleasantly surprised. He seems like a level headed guy and sometimes schedules are hectic.
Els Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Oh gosh, I don't know what to tell you! The first time I met an online crush I was 17 and very, very nervous. He even good-naturedly informed me later (although he was too nice to point it out then), that my entire spoon was trembling vigorously. Heh. I agree with SoulSearch, it does get easier each time you take the initiative and meet new people. Just take a deep breath, and try to tell yourself that it's supposed to be something casual and fun, so that's just what you're gonna do - have fun! All the best.
shadowplay Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 1. No expectations 2. No expectations 3. No expectations Hopefully, you arepleasantly surprised. He seems like a level headed guy and sometimes schedules are hectic. +1 Just treat it as meeting a potential new friend. Don't even think about the romantic aspect and you'll be fine. Above all have fun!
Author Cora Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Thanks all! I'm waiting on him now to email me back to discuss an actual day and time. We will go from there and see what happens. I'm just gonna go and have fun like you all suggested and if he does not like me then oh well....there is nothing I can do about that and it wasn't meant to be anyway. I'll let you all know how it goes. I'm excited to be able to finally meet him after many conversations.
Author Cora Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Oh by the way I have a quick question. We are on a first name basis and have really never discussed last names. I'm curious though to know what his last name is. It's not that I don't feel comfortable with him, but you know how you just get curious? Anyway, what is a good way to bring this up? I mean do I just come right out and say so....what's your last name? Or should I just wait and let him tell me when he is ready? I know this seems silly, but I've never had to ask anyone I met online before. It just kinda came up somehow. I'm sure he isn't trying to hide anything and would gladly tell me if I asked.....but I don't want to sound like I'm trying to get all of this info on him.
Bejita463 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 It just kinda came up somehow. That is how it usually works in my experience. Outright asking is unnecessary.
Angel1111 Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 He lost me with the 'pay separately' thing. This is such a chickensh*t way to ask someone out. Personally, I don't think much of the guy because he's too cautious, which usually translates into controlling and/or weak. I wish women would learn to respect themselves and stop agreeing to these pathetic relationships. Just my opinion - and I'm sure you'll still go. And then in 2 mos, you'll be telling us what an idiot he is. Believe me when I tell you that a person's actions tell you everything about them. So far, with him, I'm totally unimpressed.
Els Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 He lost me with the 'pay separately' thing. This is such a chickensh*t way to ask someone out. Personally, I don't think much of the guy because he's too cautious, which usually translates into controlling and/or weak. I wish women would learn to respect themselves and stop agreeing to these pathetic relationships. Just my opinion - and I'm sure you'll still go. And then in 2 mos, you'll be telling us what an idiot he is. Believe me when I tell you that a person's actions tell you everything about them. So far, with him, I'm totally unimpressed. That's extrapolating a little far, ain't it? I personally think he just wants to be friends for now and doesn't want to lead her on (since they haven't met before), so paying separately is a good hint that it's just a friendly meal.
Author Cora Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Yeah, I would actually feel a bit uncomfortable with him paying for my meal since this is a first meeting. If he payed it would feel too much like a date which would add even more pressure. The whole point of this meeting is no pressure and no expectations. It's just a meeting for lunch to finally be introduced to someone I have been corresponding with for a couple of months. I have no idea if he is a controlling person or not. I guess he very well could be, but from the conversations I have had with him he does not seem to be the type.....anything but. True personalities come out soon enough though and I'm always cautious so we will see. As for now I'm going to meet him for a friendly lunch and have fun. It could totally go south or we could really like each other who knows?
Boundary Problem Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Oh by the way I have a quick question. We are on a first name basis and have really never discussed last names. I'm curious though to know what his last name is. It's not that I don't feel comfortable with him, but you know how you just get curious? Anyway, what is a good way to bring this up? but I don't want to sound like I'm trying to get all of this info on him. They would probably find it wierd if you didn't ask at some point. If they have a business website, see what the name is on there. Most people are pretty relaxed about that sort of stuff, though you could always wait until the lunch to ask. It is just lunch. Remember the golden rule with online dating - you can bail at any time. So, did you get a response to your email? Remember, if he treats you poorly, he doesn't matter. So don't get anxious. No matter how the lunch goes, you will win either way.
Author Cora Posted November 25, 2009 Author Posted November 25, 2009 They would probably find it wierd if you didn't ask at some point. If they have a business website, see what the name is on there. Most people are pretty relaxed about that sort of stuff, though you could always wait until the lunch to ask. It is just lunch. Remember the golden rule with online dating - you can bail at any time. So, did you get a response to your email? Remember, if he treats you poorly, he doesn't matter. So don't get anxious. No matter how the lunch goes, you will win either way. Yeah, I'll wait a bit because usually this subject has always come up on its own before. I was just curious about others thoughts on it. I'm still waiting on his email. Sometimes it takes him a couple of days to respond and I didn't respond to his last email until three days later so he may be just taking his time. Or perhaps he has backed out....who knows? Anyway, I'm just going with the flow and hoping to have a good time at lunch if it happens.
Author Cora Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 Well, we were going to try to do lunch one day this week. We both thought since I am working the eventing shift now that sometime this week before I went in to work would be great. He emailed me suggesting Monday. Well, I just found out yesterday from my supervisor that they are putting me back on the day shift so lunch this week just isn't going to work. It just seems like everytime we try to plan something it doesn't work out or either something comes up. It's just looking more and more like this isn't going to happen and we are just not meant to meet. Maybe this is a sign.
Vertex Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 I met a girl in real life after having met her online when we were both 17, and it turned into a two-year relationship. It was really nerve-wracking at first, but it turned out to be a lot of fun. Like others have said, no pressure! If it doesn't work, you can just bail. As for the last name thing, I'd just ask him in person.
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