mortensorchid Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I have a question for others out there. I would consider myself to be a "Nice Girl". I don't bother people, I don't insist on being the center of attention or cause problems among my friends. For the most part, I stay in the background and mind my own business, but I'm not a wallflower. I'm a very social person, I chat with people quite a bit when appropriate, and for the most part am friendly towards others. There has always been a debate over "Why do men love b****es?" If there are guys out there who like these so called Mean Girls, I would like to know. I think of gals who are demanding unlike anything, always insist on being the center of attention and making it all about them. I find that there are a lot more guys out there who allow these women to push them around. They seem to want to be told what to do and when to do it, not given choices about things. Then when they have made whatever choice it is, no matter how trivial, they seem unhappy that you gave them that opportunity. If anything, I would think that guys would be scared of Mean Girls once they see how demanding they are. What do others think?
Johnny M Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 There has always been a debate over "Why do men love b****es?" If there are guys out there who like these so called Mean Girls, I would like to know. I think of gals who are demanding unlike anything, always insist on being the center of attention and making it all about them. I find that there are a lot more guys out there who allow these women to push them around. They seem to want to be told what to do and when to do it, not given choices about things. Then when they have made whatever choice it is, no matter how trivial, they seem unhappy that you gave them that opportunity. If anything, I would think that guys would be scared of Mean Girls once they see how demanding they are. Men don't like bitches. That's a common misconception. However, 'bitches' are usually assertive and outgoing, while nice girls are shy. A 'nice girl' would usually be too inhibited to flirt with men or otherwise make it known that she's interested, while bitches don't have any such hangups. That's why nice girls finish last, just like nice guys.
carhill Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Well, I've been on the lookout for a 'nice girl' for the better part of 30 years but just seem to keep running into biotches. Guess that says more about me than the women. IME, and I can say this with certainty, every 'nice girl' I've met has either been married, involved, not attracted to me or a lesbian. I've had a couple wonderful 'nice girls' as friends (no mutual attraction) so I know what you mean. They complained about the same things with guys. As soon as I'm divorced, if I meet a single 'nice' lady, I'll ask her out.
Rhythmic Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 There is no nice girl vs mean girl. Just different levels of attractive. Nobody will pay attention to an ugly mean girl unless they are really desperate.
looking4 green grass Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 As a fellow "nice girl" I agree. I don't come with drama, evil mean demands, or spiteful comments. Where are those nice guys again?
carhill Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Being reformed by the biotches. You can pick us up in baggage claim later
looking4 green grass Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Being reformed by the biotches. You can pick us up in baggage claim later hahahaha I think all the crappy guys should be doomed to a life with mean girls, and leave the NORMAL people alone to find each other!
carhill Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Utopia is a noble desire My firm belief is that we are each in control of our choices, no matter what life throws at us, so, if you choose to find a good man, I know you can do it
TheLoneSock Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I have a question for others out there. I would consider myself to be a "Nice Girl". I don't bother people, I don't insist on being the center of attention or cause problems among my friends. For the most part, I stay in the background and mind my own business, but I'm not a wallflower. I'm a very social person, I chat with people quite a bit when appropriate, and for the most part am friendly towards others. There has always been a debate over "Why do men love b****es?" If there are guys out there who like these so called Mean Girls, I would like to know. I think of gals who are demanding unlike anything, always insist on being the center of attention and making it all about them. I find that there are a lot more guys out there who allow these women to push them around. They seem to want to be told what to do and when to do it, not given choices about things. Then when they have made whatever choice it is, no matter how trivial, they seem unhappy that you gave them that opportunity. If anything, I would think that guys would be scared of Mean Girls once they see how demanding they are. What do others think? Guys love bitches? That's news to me. My bitch radar is pretty high tech... If a girl is good looking and has a cool attitude, I'll probably be attracted to her. A 'bitch' would not have that cool attitude I'm looking for lol.
looking4 green grass Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Utopia is a noble desire My firm belief is that we are each in control of our choices, no matter what life throws at us, so, if you choose to find a good man, I know you can do it I'm glad you have faith, I seem to attract weirdo's like flies to fly paper.
carhill Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Here in the country it's maggots to a drop calf carcass My problem is emotionless women. They're attracted by my emotional availability and then proceed to suck the life out of me. I got smart and got a *male* cat
justforfun Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 As a fellow "nice girl" I agree. I don't come with drama, evil mean demands, or spiteful comments. Nobody thinks that they do.
justforfun Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 This thread just made me wonder. Was it a slow day yesterday?
miss_sapphire Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I'd call myself a nice girl. I think my 'problem' is that I don't flirt enough. It's not in my nature. Plus it takes ages for me to warm up to people. So... I think I'm doomed!!!
Skump Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 There has always been a debate over "Why do men love b****es?" The quoted part (not your question) is bull****, and I mean that sincerely. Guys may tolerate a sh*thead if she's an otherwise easy, quality lay, but 90%+ of the time those relationships aren't envisioned as LT (though momentum may lead to marriage!*). Most men really do want a loving woman for a spouse, and if they could have their druthers, they'd pick a loving hot girl over a bitchy hot girl every time. With that said, I do value strength in a woman. I have no desire to pick a mate who won't fight to defend her family's interests. Sometimes behavior in the service of that greater good could be construed as "bitchy" if it weren't taken in context (but I don't think that's what you mean anyway). Additionally, you do have some beta males who will allow themselves to get cowed and roped-in by assertive jerk girls. Realize that these guys are just looking for another Mommy and move on. *N.B. Which is why I don't believe in dating people "just for sex" who aren't at least hypothetically partner material.
Jerry18 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 That's why nice girls finish last, just like nice guys. They how come nice guys don't get nice girls????
callingyouuu Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 They how come nice guys don't get nice girls???? Because it's harder to put nice girls on a pedestal.
phineas Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I'm a nice guy, just not a door mat. I meet nice girls but they arn't interested in me. They only seem to be interested in jerks. Go figure.
jerseyboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I think the premise is flawed. Men dont prefer bitches I do think women are less tolerant of other women, and the same is true of men. I also think relationship dynamics are mostly not 50-50. There is usually a leader and a follower, and a lot of personalities want to be led. Its unfortunate, but I think its also true that people try harder to please with those who dont seem that totally into them. Conversely they take for granted those they feel they can.
jerseyboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 One last thought for now Most self described "nice" people arent are mislabeled. What is closer to the truth is they are self interested people pleasers, and often times come acrosss, justifiably so, as desperate and just doing what they do because they want so badly for the other person to like them.
justforfun Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 They how come nice guys don't get nice girls???? :laugh:
Devil Inside Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I like women that are self-assured, confident, and aggressive. Society often labels these women beatches.
Left in a Lurch Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I think a lot of times when I run across nice girls and think they may be showing signs of interest or flirting, it becomes obvious they act that way towards every guy they talk to and it is really hard to tell if they have any interest. If I have a great 10 minute conversation and she is easy to talk to but later I see she is having a great 10 minute conversation with another guy, I figure she was just being nice, not flirting. Keep in mind the burden is on the guy to figure out if she is sending signals or not, and without a good indication a lot of guys won't take a chance. The assertive women usually make it pretty clear if they are not interested right away and it helps us weed them out and they give more clear signals. Some guys hit on everything and some guys take calculated risks based on negative signals. Nice girls are hard to calculate. I look at it like being in a bar with a good looking waitress. She will flirt for a bigger tip, laugh at jokes, be over-friendly, call you "honey" or "cutie" or "sweetie", but I don't take that as a signal she wants me because she is like that with every other customer she has. It's hard to calculate her interest that way.
Yukikazi Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) I think a lot of times when I run across nice girls and think they may be showing signs of interest or flirting, it becomes obvious they act that way towards every guy they talk to and it is really hard to tell if they have any interest. If I have a great 10 minute conversation and she is easy to talk to but later I see she is having a great 10 minute conversation with another guy, I figure she was just being nice, not flirting. Keep in mind the burden is on the guy to figure out if she is sending signals or not, and without a good indication a lot of guys won't take a chance. The assertive women usually make it pretty clear if they are not interested right away and it helps us weed them out and they give more clear signals. Some guys hit on everything and some guys take calculated risks based on negative signals. Nice girls are hard to calculate. I look at it like being in a bar with a good looking waitress. She will flirt for a bigger tip, laugh at jokes, be over-friendly, call you "honey" or "cutie" or "sweetie", but I don't take that as a signal she wants me because she is like that with every other customer she has. It's hard to calculate her interest that way. Its the guys job to get the girl to give those signals. Most guys just don't realize that alot of times the signals are subtle and seem like mere politness. i.e if you just met a girl and she is asking about your name, job etc.. its because she is measuring you right there for worthyness. The fact that she wants to know about you means she is interested. You don't try to extend the conversation with someone you want to go the frack away. you make it short, curt monosyllibic answers till they get the hint.. you don't ask them for information you could care less about. Being polite is listening to you whine.. asking for more is interest. The waitress is controlling the situation.. thats why you turn it around so you control it.. You wanna control it? Flirt with her.. tease her about her love for you and how she can't stay away from you.. (this plays in with the fact that she has to keep comming back since she is seving you) so ever time she returns.. "Hey guys see.. she just can't stay away" and tease her a bit more but in a playful funny way. You will become more memorible then her other customers that night and will have the "in" to greet her on more familiar terms the next time you go back. Do this maybe 2 times then after the second or third time.. "Hey babe, we've been seeing so much of each other lately.. its really a whirlwind.. why don't we slow it down a bit and just enjoy each others company over a nice cup of coffee.. 3pm tomorrow at starbucks... (DO NOT MAKE IT A QUESTION) its a suggestion or assumption that she will join you. if she says yes.. congrats.. get her # or be sure you can meet her the next day. Its all about who is in control of the conversation.. Edited November 23, 2009 by Yukikazi
learning to deal Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I would agree that this is a perception thing. I like a WOMAN who is outspoken and knows who she is. She's not afraid to speak up when needed and take care of things. I've dated way too many girls who are nice and sweet. They are wonderful girls and women but they tend to be too quiet for me. For instance, I go to the grocery store and at 26 years old I still ride the carts and have fun...no matter where I go. Most of the "nice girls" I've dated hate it and get mad at me. I went to potbelly one day to order some food with an ex and was being really loud and smiley and trying to have fun with the people working there...I got yelled at about it! My current gf....she keeps upping me and will play off of it. I hop on a cart and she pushes me around! That's what I want...someone who isn't shy and the sweet one who won't live a little. The other girls aren't sluts or bitches necessarily...they're more outgoing....but then again some of them really are bitches. It's an individual thing. I hope that makes sense
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