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Ex flirting with my bf in front of her fiance/husband


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Posted

If anyone feels that more details are necessary/would be helpful, please say so, as I'm skipping a lot of background and personal opinion/observation in order to keep this on the shorter side.

 

Bf is "friends" with an ex-gf, who recently got married. I found out only very recently that last time bf hung out with this girl and her fiance that she was making comments to try to get my bf to flirt with her. This happened in front of the fiance - bf deflected all comments (according to him), and instead of flirting with her commented on how great her fiance treats her.

 

(Side note: I knew that the three of them went out drinking that night; only found out recently that she was flirting with my bf.)

 

Bf doesn't hang out with this girl very often...however, after hearing about this I'm thinking that it's inappropriate for him to hang out with her at all - primarily because I think it's incredibly disrespectful to her now-husband. Am I right?? Frankly, I'm a little surprised that my bf doesn't see it this way - that this hadn't occurred to him and so he stopped hanging out with her.

 

Bf thinks that his ex's husband takes a lot of **** and disrespect from her because he thinks she's really hot and the best he can do (he's super nice guy, a little dorky).

 

Thoughts on this? Guys, how would you feel in a similar situation? Also, should I bring this up to my bf, and if so, how?

Posted

My thought is unless you observed it yourself, your bfi might not be the most reliable source for this information.

 

It might be as simple as his wanting you to see him as more desirable. Or he wants you to be a little jealous.

Posted

If you do have the full story, then not only is she disrespecting her fiance,

but she's also disrespecting you. Totally. If she truly wishes to remain friends with your bf after they've broken up, she wouldn't do or say anything to make waves in his present love-life. Flirting with your bf is completely out of line.

 

She sounds like a head-gamer to me.

  • Author
Posted (edited)
My thought is unless you observed it yourself, your bfi might not be the most reliable source for this information.

 

It might be as simple as his wanting you to see him as more desirable. Or he wants you to be a little jealous.

I didn't observe it myself; however I did meet her and her fiance on one occasion, and am not at all surprised that she would have done this (that's part of the backstory I left out).

 

I wouldn't completely dismiss the bolded part, simply because I do think guys do that somewhat frequently - kind of testing to make sure we like them or something ;) - but I am inclined to believe this did actually happen.

 

If you do have the full story, then not only is she disrespecting her fiance,

but she's also disrespecting you. Totally. If she truly wishes to remain friends with your bf after they've broken up, she wouldn't do or say anything to make waves in his present love-life. Flirting with your bf is completely out of line.

 

She sounds like a head-gamer to me.

No doubt she disrespects me as well as her bf. I had a bad impression of her before I ever even met her, because she would constantly text my bf (and then call when he ignored her or said no) and beg him to go out and drink with her and her fiance. In addition to that, even though she knew he and I were dating, she never invited me. I think a healthy, respectful attitude would have been "Fiance and I are out at X location - you and MissGoLightly should come meet up".

 

She almost entirely cut this out after she met me, and I think the biggest reason for this is because she saw how much bf loves me and that he won't get sucked into her games.

 

I'm just not really sure if I should bring this up with my bf. Maybe I should wait and see how she acts now that she's married? I don't know. Bf seems to be trying to be friends with her husband, and I'm just thinking that's not a good thing.

Edited by MissGoLightly
Posted

My bs meter goes off whenever I hear things of this nature. Like a guy friend claiming three hot girls were throwing themslevs all over him begging for a foursome. Yeah theoretically it could of happened. But 99%+ hes just full of it:)

 

The obvious answer almost always is the answer.

 

Its like a girl with some cause asking for her bf's email password, or asking him to oipen his email account for her and letting her look inside.

 

When he doesnt could it possibly be some noble stickign to his guns on matters of eprsonal space/the trust of true love., blah blah blah. Very very rarely. Its because he ahs something to hide. Because if there was nothing there he would show it to her, shed look foolish, and would not only stop aggravating him about it, but would be more amenable abotu such things in the future. Because when people can prove their innocense in the face of accusations, they will do so unless they cant, even if for nothingn mroe than the feeling of vindication

  • Author
Posted (edited)

You make some good points; however your example relies solely on one person's actions (the bf's), rather than the bf's + a third party.

 

I've seen how my bf's ex-gf needs all kinds of validation and attention from guys. I don't necessarily think that she wants my bf back or anything like that, but she does need attention from LOTS of guys, she is a drama queen (always going around telling guys how terrible her bf is treating her when he's not doing anything but showering her with attention), etc.

 

Edit: When I think about the comments she made that my bf said was trying to flirt with him, I can see how maybe she wasn't really and our perception on this is colored by our opinion of what kind of person she is.

Edited by MissGoLightly
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