DSM2709 Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Just wanted to get some feedback from other LS members out there as to my certain situation. I have been involved with this person I met over almost a month and a half ago, and things are really going well. We have been very intimate sexually, BUT, have not had intercourse yet. I respect her for that, and maybe she has real morals...not sure. We have done everything but the deed, and was just curious as to her reasoning for not wanting to yet. I would never ask her why, don't want to seem desperate or prude, but I also enjoy the other sexual activities we share together. I care about her very much, we have so much in common, and we really enjoy each other's company and we always have alot of fun when we are together. So it's not always about sex with us, but again, we are pretty close to it, but not yet. I'm puzzled as to what she's waiting for...thanks for the feedback.
Author DSM2709 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 I'm 37 / She's 32. Why does that matter?
Ody Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 She hasn't said anything about why? Just a big ol' "nope" when you reach for the condom or something? Or have you not tried to initiate? Anyway, if you guys have a great time and you really like the girl and the oral's good and forthcoming I wouldn't sweat it too much. I had this situation once, lasted about 5 or 6 weeks, although she was very up front about prefering to wait with sex a little while with guys she really liked so I knew why. She was also very up front about satisfying sexual things in a different manner. The full sex was definitely worth the wait, in fact it wound up being pretty mind blowing. Maybe bring it up if you guys are comfortable talking about sex, not challenging just ask about it. I would def try to figure that out in the next few weeks though. If you find yourself in this same boat a few months down the line and don't understand why then there is a problem of some sort.
Ody Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I'm 37 / She's 32. Why does that matter? Because there are 14 year olds posting here and I at least am not going to give the same advice to one of them about what it means to wait 6 weeks for sex.
jerseyboy Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I'm 37 / She's 32. Why does that matter? Because it sounded like a high school relationship:o Who knows. We dont know her. If I had to guess Id say shes been through a few bad relationships where she got intimate too early, since then has read a book/talked to her gf's, and now is going to stretch it out per that advice. One of the biggest "oh crap" moments I had with a girl is when just beforehand, like second date or soemthing, just before she agreed to, she made me promise not to tell her gf about it afterwards. I wasnt in any state to question it at the time, so "yeah no" and..... She brings it up again just before we meet her friend. Again I wont no worries. By the time she mentioned it the thrid time, I finally asked why are you so worried about your friend knowing. She responds because I swore to her when we set up the first date that I wouldnt have sex with you right away. (your friends finding it necessary to make you swear not to have sex is probably not a good thing.) lol Moral: Sometimes its good to ask why
Author DSM2709 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Thanks Ody, When we first started out, she said to me "Don't people make out anymore?" when I was trying to iniate. I have backed off since then and have not brought up the subject of intercourse. Maybe your right about the being worth the wait, because she is pretty hot and I love doing what we're doing now, I can only imagine what the sex will be like when the moment is right. Thanks again.
Ody Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Thanks Ody, When we first started out, she said to me "Don't people make out anymore?" when I was trying to iniate. I have backed off since then and have not brought up the subject of intercourse. Maybe your right about the being worth the wait, because she is pretty hot and I love doing what we're doing now, I can only imagine what the sex will be like when the moment is right. Thanks again. Oof actually that response of hers is a really bad one. It's the kind of thing thirty two year olds say when they aren't comfortable having open talks about sex, which people should be comfortable doing if they're sticking their naughty bits in each other's mouths. I would ask her again, and not let her deflect, hopefully she was just nervous or something that day, or you just were too light on the foreplay. Adults should be able to have healthy talks on sex. Were you too light on the foreplay that night?
jerseyboy Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 , which people should be comfortable doing if they're sticking their naughty bits in each other's mouths. People really do that? I thought it was a myth
Author DSM2709 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Not really, we were hot n heavy, actually it was the 2nd time we were together (intimately) when she made that comment. Each time I thought she wanted to, and then I said I had protection in her ear, and that's when she said what she said. It's fine with me, I'm willing to wait, it sounds like it would be worth it.
phineas Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 you smooth talker you. whispering "i've got protection" into her ear.
tkgirl Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 you smooth talker you. whispering "i've got protection" into her ear. too funny... but so true at the same time! sounds like she needs to hear a little more than "I've got protection"... like, um... maybe the "L" word? but don't say it until you are ready to... and remember, there's nothing better than making love when you are TRULY in love!
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 See if she has a copy of "Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man" laying around. There is something in there called "the 90 day rule" which if you read it makes sense I guess. Google the "90 day rule" and you'll see what I mean. Even if that is not where she got the inspiration from, it might help you to see how she might be thinking in terms of 'waiting' for it.
Devil Inside Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I don't know...I am still a fan of direct communication. I'd rather have a direct answer for why there is no intercourse.
Ody Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 See if she has a copy of "Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man" laying around. There is something in there called "the 90 day rule" which if you read it makes sense I guess. Google the "90 day rule" and you'll see what I mean. Even if that is not where she got the inspiration from, it might help you to see how she might be thinking in terms of 'waiting' for it. I'm thinking it's something like this too, do you know if this rules suggests that women be up front about their waiting, or are they just supposed to not have the sex quietly and see how the guy reacts? It's her response that's really bothering me. It's hard over an internet board to tell if it was just a kind of clever charming keep things moving past an awkward moment bit or a flippant "I have another agenda but you are not privy to it" piece of misdirection. I think the latter is not appropriate if you're doing everything else but sex, the communication lines should be better if this is going towards an LTR.
Devil Inside Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I'm thinking it's something like this too, do you know if this rules suggests that women be up front about their waiting, or are they just supposed to not have the sex quietly and see how the guy reacts? It's her response that's really bothering me. It's hard over an internet board to tell if it was just a kind of clever charming keep things moving past an awkward moment bit or a flippant "I have another agenda but you are not privy to it" piece of misdirection. I think the latter is not appropriate if you're doing everything else but sex, the communication lines should be better if this is going towards an LTR. I agree with you here. Open communication is very important in a LTR...especially about sex.
someotherguy Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 If this is the way you feel, then be totally open and honest with her about it. She needs to know if you think that there is potential to the relationship. Don't just go and say you love her if you don't mean it, that's horrible. But...she also needs to know that sex is important to you. Whispering sweet nothings about the condoms and anal lube you have in your nightstand isn't the way to do it. Just send her some flowers at work, take her to dinner, then bring her home and have a nice romantic conversation about your physical needs and desires. You're both adults, after all.
Author DSM2709 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 See if she has a copy of "Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man" laying around. There is something in there called "the 90 day rule" which if you read it makes sense I guess. Google the "90 day rule" and you'll see what I mean. Even if that is not where she got the inspiration from, it might help you to see how she might be thinking in terms of 'waiting' for it. I'm gonna go with this idea. Maybe she is implying the 90 day rule. Thanks guys and gals. Appreciate the feedback. It's worth the wait.
Lucky_One Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I'm glad that you say it is worth the wait. I haven't slept with a great number of men. My mind/body isn't synchronized to have sex quickly and easily, unless I feel that there is a great potential to the relationship and unless we have discussed exclusivity and until I know more about him and his view towards children and the world in general. Even the best birth control can fail and sex is the number cause of children, and I wouldn't want to be possibly linked for life to a man that I find post-sex is into, for example, bestiality and living in a van by a river. She sounds great, you sound great, and I am glad that you have having a wonderful time so far in this new relationship!
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