Is this behaviour OK to you?

[jerseyboy]

If he tells her in a calm and level-headed way, I don't think she will call him a jerk. And if she does, who cares? Screw her. If my man had a problem with something I was doing, I would expect him to communicate what and why. And I'd expect him to uphold whatever boundary he laid down. I would do the same. Anyone with self-respect and basic relationship skills would.

 

 

Yeah, a woman who would flirt shamelessly like that in the first place is probably not worth a guy's time.

 

 

She did tell him

 

With girls like this (and others who likely wouldnt be as disrespectful) there is always a conversation.

 

Usually starts soimewhere along the lines of " My ex was so controlling (possibly add jealous), I wasnt allowed to talk to anyone or do anything,, I couldnt talk and hang out with my ex/ male friends, who I never would do anything with, and we have no interest in each other ewww, and they have a gf who they love, and im happy for them.......How do you view those things"

 

Responds every other shmuck" I think its perfectly fine for a girl to have all these interactions, I completely trust them (know she knows Im confident and secure yes), and believe trust is an important part of a relationship....(insert self serving dribble intended to demonstrate what an awesome catch he is, especially in comparison to her ex, so she should now be way happier being with me)

 

 

Guys who live longer, happier, and more fulfilled lives

 

"Totally understand that, It would piss me off as well. Its disrespectful to your current partner to drag your old baggage into a new relationship ,the drama and questionable motives, and would make me wonder why someone would feel it so important as well as question how important I am to them"

 

The few that dont back off, and try some mild ultimatum

 

" I completely understand, wouldnt want to change you, sorry it couldnt work out"

 

Think youll find they change their minds quickly

[jerseyboy]

I can see your point. However, I don't think I'd be telling her that in calm way.

 

 

 

 

Interesting, I never had a random guy touch a gf without her objecting to it. There was one guy who wouldn't be deterred by my gf's objections though (and he had already drunk a bit too much). The night didn't end very well for him.

 

LOL we would do it all the time. But yeah you dont want to be playing that game if youre a small guy lol.

 

I had a guy friend he wasnt interested in any girl that wasnt with someone, and the other guy had to be present.

 

 

You start it like anything else. First talking, and frankly if hes letting you chat up your girl as a stranger in front of him, hes going to let you do just about anything. You dont start groping her chest, but mild contqact at first, see how she responds, usually as far as maybe your hand on her thigh, around her middle etc

[Ody]

LOL we would do it all the time. But yeah you dont want to be playing that game if youre a small guy lol.

 

I had a guy friend he wasnt interested in any girl that wasnt with someone, and the other guy had to be present.

 

 

You start it like anything else. First talking, and frankly if hes letting you chat up your girl as a stranger in front of him, hes going to let you do just about anything. You dont start groping her chest, but mild contqact at first, see how she responds, usually as far as maybe your hand on her thigh, around her middle etc

 

He ever wind up in a crazy threesome?

[jerseyboy]

He ever wind up in a crazy threesome?

 

 

Not that I know of lol. But he was a nut

 

The attention was definitely not welcome from the other guy.

 

I recall one guy storming out of a bar on Bleeker, sticking us with the bill. We were ok with it though, since the girls stayed, figured wed let them work it off.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Guy is 25 (the boyfriend), girl is 24 and the friend is 29.

 

The thing is, I am pretty close with this girl and I know that she does love her bf and has no interest in the friend.

 

So I am puzzled that every time we go out this behavior goes on. It seems to be escalating too, and last time I really thought WTF is she just going to shove her tongue down his throat. I mean does she have to take his (friend's) hand in hers EVERY time she sits next to him?

 

Not to mention that the girl and this friend are in constant contact and spend quite a bit of one-on-one time too.

 

The friend doesn't initiate any of the touching, but doesn't push the girl the away either.

 

Boyfriend just stands there, by himself looking very forlorn.

 

The whole dynamic is bizarre.

[jerseyboy]

Guy is 25 (the boyfriend), girl is 24 and the friend is 29.

 

The thing is, I am pretty close with this girl and I know that she does love her bf and has no interest in the friend.

 

So I am puzzled that every time we go out this behavior goes on. It seems to be escalating too, and last time I really thought WTF is she just going to shove her tongue down his throat. I mean does she have to take his (friend's) hand in hers EVERY time she sits next to him?

 

Not to mention that the girl and this friend are in constant contact and spend quite a bit of one-on-one time too.

 

The friend doesn't initiate any of the touching, but doesn't push the girl the away either.

 

Boyfriend just stands there, by himself looking very forlorn.

 

The whole dynamic is bizarre.

 

 

That is weird.

 

Almsot sounds some cuck fetish dynamic between them

[Ody]

Guy is 25 (the boyfriend), girl is 24 and the friend is 29.

 

The thing is, I am pretty close with this girl and I know that she does love her bf and has no interest in the friend.

 

So I am puzzled that every time we go out this behavior goes on. It seems to be escalating too, and last time I really thought WTF is she just going to shove her tongue down his throat. I mean does she have to take his (friend's) hand in hers EVERY time she sits next to him?

 

Not to mention that the girl and this friend are in constant contact and spend quite a bit of one-on-one time too.

 

The friend doesn't initiate any of the touching, but doesn't push the girl the away either.

 

Boyfriend just stands there, by himself looking very forlorn.

 

The whole dynamic is bizarre.

 

I think you might be assuming too much about your friend having no interest in the other guy. At the very least he's a huge validator for her, and it's a slippery slope from there to partner, for either gender. And she's likely to never ever going to talk about such a thing.

 

Well anyway this is BF's last chance in life to man up. If he doesn't either step up with this chick, or learn from it when they break up, he's going to be a doormat forever. That forlorn look bit suggests it's probably too late.

 

EDIT You sure this other guy isn't the guy your friend keeps around for rebound material between real BFs or something? Ever notice anything unusual during breakup periods?

[SadandConfusedWA]

I think you might be assuming too much about your friend having no interest in the other guy. At the very least he's a huge validator for her, and it's a slippery slope from there to partner, for either gender. And she's likely to never ever going to talk about such a thing.

 

Well anyway this is BF's last chance in life to man up. If he doesn't either step up with this chick, or learn from it when they break up, he's going to be a doormat forever. That forlorn look bit suggests it's probably too late.

 

EDIT You sure this other guy isn't the guy your friend keeps around for rebound material between real BFs or something? Ever notice anything unusual during breakup periods?

 

You may be right. This friend was always "in love" with this girl and she always claimed she was not interested, even before the bf. There was a time that she considered starting something with him but decided not to. They definitely could have crossed the line at some point, at least a make out session and probably more.

 

During break-ups she just spends more time with him than ever.

 

I did question her behavior once and she got angry. She told me:

 

1. Why do you care, do you want him (the friend)? If you do I will set you up, no worries. (for the record NO I don't)

 

2. He has always wanted me and if I felt the same way, I would be with him right now and not with my bf. I could have the friend anytime I want and I choose not to. That should tell you everything.

[Stockalone]

You start it like anything else. First talking, and frankly if hes letting you chat up your girl as a stranger in front of him, hes going to let you do just about anything. You dont start groping her chest, but mild contqact at first, see how she responds, usually as far as maybe your hand on her thigh, around her middle etc

 

Well, it's unavoidable that other guys will talk to your gf. You aren't with her 24/7 and other guys simply can't know that she is taken.

 

Just talking to someone is fine but there certainly shouldn't be any flirting and absolutely no touching.

 

That is why it's the gf's job to tell other guys to f*ck off in a polite way as soon as they make advances. And in case they don't take no for an answer to make it very clear in a not so polite way.

[jerseyboy]

Well, it's unavoidable that other guys will talk to your gf. You aren't with her 24/7 and other guys simply can't know that she is taken.

 

Just talking to someone is fine but there certainly shouldn't be any flirting and absolutely no touching.

 

That is why it's the gf's job to tell other guys to f*ck off in a polite way as soon as they make advances. And in case they don't take no for an answer to make it very clear in a not so polite way.

 

No I meant where the bf was present.

[Stockalone]

No I meant where the bf was present.

 

It's still the gf's job to tell other guys to get lost. I shouldn't have to do that. I merely take care of those guys who won't take no for an answer.

 

And really, if a couple doesn't see eye to eye on that, it's never going to work anyway.

 

A woman who craves male attention like this (flirting and touching) is always going to resent a bf who'd tell her who she can and who she can't talk to.

 

And a guy like me who is highly possessive is never going to sit there and keep his mouth shut about his gf flirting with and being touched by other guys.

[Ruby Slippers]

I might have been persuaded but its really only in thw white community. Its not an issue with blacks and hispanics for example, where absentee fathers are more common.

In black and Hispanic culture, both genders are still fighting against and beginning to recover from racial oppression, so men and women in those cultures are dealing with the same side of the discrimination coin. Among whites, the issue has been women fighting male oppression for a while. The contexts are different.

 

Feminism gives women more freedom to become what they can be, and this widens their power and choice. This means that evolution favors the men who can keep step with women intellectually, physically, and so on, and give them what they really want -- those who fail to do so don't get laid, and don't pass on their genes.

 

I feel like as men these days we are getting mixed messages as to how to behave, and to what is attractive.

And you think women don't get mixed messages as to how to behave and what is attractive? Be independent and strong, but also be feminine and wear girly clothes. Be sexy and desirable, but don't be a slut. Don't expect a man to take care of you, but let him pay so he doesn't feel emasculated.

 

It's no easier on this side, man.