SadandConfusedWA Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 So a good girl friend of mine has now been in a serious relationship with a guy for 1 year (they live together). She also has this male friend that has been in love with for years, way before her boyfriend came along and she has rejected this friend and has always maintained she has no interest in romance with him. Now she and this friend are still quite close, and her boyfriend has questioned her once or twice about the nature of their friendship. When we all go out together, she would often spend the night ignoring her boyfriend and chatting to this friend. She would also touch him a lot, on the arm while speaking, hold his hand, give him hugs a lot, play with his hands, give him a mini massage etc. This is all in front of her boyfriend. I find she is being quite disrespectful to the boyfriend. While it's fine to keep male friend as a friend, no need to go overboard with touching and what I consider to be flirting in front of the bf. I just wonder if men would be OK with this..
jerseyboy Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 You're "friend" is a puss. She knows it and treats him as such.
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 OFcourse it's not OK. How would she like it if her boyfriend ignored her, and payed more attention to his female friend that he was 'inlove' with. Touched her, massaged her, etc etc.. Your friend is totally disrespecting her live in boyfriend. He has every right to question her, and wonder about her boundries!
jerseyboy Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 OFcourse it's not OK. How would she like it if her boyfriend ignored her, and payed more attention to his female friend that he was 'inlove' with. Touched her, massaged her, etc etc.. Your friend is totally disrespecting her live in boyfriend. He has every right to question her, and wonder about her boundries! She has every right to question his manhood when he allows her to behave that way. A lot of girls, especially young girls, are going to test you that way. I think the behavior is somewhat instinctive.
Devil Inside Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 She has every right to question his manhood when he allows her to behave that way. A lot of girls, especially young girls, are going to test you that way. I think the behavior is somewhat instinctive. It does seem as if it is a game to her. To make her BF jealous, or just to get attention from her puppydog of a friend.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 She has every right to question his manhood when he allows her to behave that way. A lot of girls, especially young girls, are going to test you that way. I think the behavior is somewhat instinctive. Exactly. Women want to be with men, not pushover babies. I can't believe the guy actually stands for this. Shows he has no self-respect and backbone.
jerseyboy Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 It does seem as if it is a game to her. To make her BF jealous, or just to get attention from her puppydog of a friend. Shes definitely not oblivious to it. People always seem to reach the conclusion that the other person is somehow retarded and doesnt know what they are doing. Like these guys who want to rationalize about a woman somehow being blissfully ignorant of another guys desire for them She might be so stupid she cant spell her own name, but I guarantee you she knows when some guy wants to f##k her. Women will always test you, even subconsciously , in their own way. If a man accepts disrespect its his own problem. If you dont stop it, she justifiably loses respect for you. I set up a friend one time lol, and it was the end of the night, the bar was about to close. but we had all just ordered driks. Bartender was trying to clean up, so he went to grab everyones drinks. Even the two girls grabbed their drinks (ie Im not finished yet, some words exha ged between us and the worker). The only one who didnt was my friend, and he let the guy take it from him even though it was nearly full. She told me afterwards that she was really liking him up to that point. But when he let the guy take his drink, she kind of lost respect for him as a man. She doesnt want to be mroe butch than they guy she is with
Devil Inside Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Jersey and Ruby you speak the truth. Women want a man that will stand up for themselves. If they can't stand up for themselves or to their women, what makes them think they will stand up for their women. It's funny because feminism has resulted in some great stuff, but it has really screwed up the messages for guys as to what women are attracted to.
jerseyboy Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Jersey and Ruby you speak the truth. Women want a man that will stand up for themselves. If they can't stand up for themselves or to their women, what makes them think they will stand up for their women. It's funny because feminism has resulted in some great stuff, but it has really screwed up the messages for guys as to what women are attracted to. I watch these young guys in amazment. They act more like girls than girls.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 It's funny because feminism has resulted in some great stuff, but it has really screwed up the messages for guys as to what women are attracted to. Don't blame feminism! What about the devolution of the family unit (absent fathers, no real-life male role models)? Or is that feminism's fault, too?
jerseyboy Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Don't blame feminism! What about the devolution of the family unit (absent fathers, no real-life male role models)? Or is that feminism's fault, too? I might have been persuaded but its really only in thw white community. Its not an issue with blacks and hispanics for example, where absentee fathers are more common. They are taught that everything masculine is bad evil and oppressive. A white male instinct to subjugate women and miniorities. That all conflict resolution and even basic interaction must be done according to some idealized feminine standard, which even girls dont adhere to lol.
dave22 Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Of course this behaviour is not okay! She really doesn't seem to have much respect for her boyfriend.
Devil Inside Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Don't blame feminism! What about the devolution of the family unit (absent fathers, no real-life male role models)? Or is that feminism's fault, too? Feminism alone cannot take the brunt..but it is a contributing factor. I feel like as men these days we are getting mixed messages as to how to behave, and to what is attractive.
Woggle Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Don't blame feminism! What about the devolution of the family unit (absent fathers, no real-life male role models)? Or is that feminism's fault, too? Feminism or rather the modern day version of it that we have today are huge contributing factors. The original goals of feminism were noble but it has become a haven for women with an axe to grind against men. Men seem think that is we neuter ourselves enough that these misandrists will see us as one of the good ones but in reality it just makes us easy doormats for women who like to play with men's hearts. Men are taught to put up with anything and that it is always their fault when problems arise in a relationship. If I were that guy I would have left right there and told her friend she is his problem now.
jerseyboy Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Feminism or rather the modern day version of it that we have today are huge contributing factors. The original goals of feminism were noble but it has become a haven for women with an axe to grind against men. Men seem think that is we neuter ourselves enough that these misandrists will see us as one of the good ones but in reality it just makes us easy doormats for women who like to play with men's hearts. Men are taught to put up with anything and that it is always their fault when problems arise in a relationship. If I were that guy I would have left right there and told her friend she is his problem now. Its remarkable to me, especialy during this transition, while the reengineering is still going on. My sister drops off my nephews last weekend so I could take them to the batting cages. teach them how to hit some balls. They both come wearing plastic bracelets up and down one arm. WTF
Stockalone Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Exactly. Women want to be with men, not pushover babies. I can't believe the guy actually stands for this. Shows he has no self-respect and backbone. Sure, women want a man to behave like a man as long as it suits their agenda. If that guy tells his gf that she is disrespecting him and she has to choose between him or her friend, she will call him a controlling and jealous jerk. I'm with Woggle on this one. The bf should have already dumped her by now. Women like this aren't worth the effort.
jerseyboy Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 I think its the peanuts in school syndrome. One kid cant have peanuts, so the rest cant have peanuts. Boys cant be boys because the weaker boys will be traumatized. So you being a boy is outlawed, unless you are a girl, then its just healthy gender crossing
Woggle Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Sure, women want a man to behave like a man as long as it suits their agenda. If that guy tells his gf that she is disrespecting him and she has to choose between him or her friend, she will call him a controlling and jealous jerk. I'm with Woggle on this one. The bf should have already dumped her by now. Women like this aren't worth the effort. Yes she will call him that but in the long run she will respect him. A man who does not give in and crack when women like her throw their little tantrums end up winning in the long run.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Sure, women want a man to behave like a man as long as it suits their agenda. If that guy tells his gf that she is disrespecting him and she has to choose between him or her friend, she will call him a controlling and jealous jerk. If he tells her in a calm and level-headed way, I don't think she will call him a jerk. And if she does, who cares? Screw her. If my man had a problem with something I was doing, I would expect him to communicate what and why. And I'd expect him to uphold whatever boundary he laid down. I would do the same. Anyone with self-respect and basic relationship skills would. I'm with Woggle on this one. The bf should have already dumped her by now. Women like this aren't worth the effort. Yeah, a woman who would flirt shamelessly like that in the first place is probably not worth a guy's time.
jerseyboy Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Guys play this game as well, especially when youre younger. Hitting and touching on some other guys girl in front of him. If you havent done it youd be shocked how many men dont say anything to stop you, and how rarely the woman will either. Shes measuring her guy at that point.
Stockalone Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Yes she will call him that but in the long run she will respect him. A man who does not give in and crack when women like her throw their little tantrums end up winning in the long run. Well, a woman who constantly pushes the envelope to see how much crap I am going to take is not exactly someone I would consider a prize I'd want to win and end up with in the long run. Granted, it might be okay to tell her once, to stop what she is doing. But do you honestly believe it stops there? She'll do the same thing again and again. Probably not in regards to inappropriate behaviour with another guy, but I am sure she'd repeat the pattern in other areas.
Woggle Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Well, a woman who constantly pushes the envelope to see how much crap I am going to take is not exactly someone I would consider a prize I'd want to win and end up with in the long run. Granted, it might be okay to tell her once, to stop what she is doing. But do you honestly believe it stops there? She'll do the same thing again and again. Probably not in regards to inappropriate behaviour with another guy, but I am sure she'd repeat the pattern in other areas. I very much agree. A woman who pulls this crap ends up in the ex category. I want to know why men are so afraid of a woman's disapproval that they are afraid to stand up to this.
jerseyboy Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 Well, a woman who constantly pushes the envelope to see how much crap I am going to take is not exactly someone I would consider a prize I'd want to win and end up with in the long run. Granted, it might be okay to tell her once, to stop what she is doing. But do you honestly believe it stops there? She'll do the same thing again and again. Probably not in regards to inappropriate behaviour with another guy, but I am sure she'd repeat the pattern in other areas. This wasnt an aberration. Shes been pushing his boundaries for a while, this is just the latest and (maybe who knows) and perhaps most emasculating example. For all I know this is lame comapred to what she usually does to him
Ody Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 How old is this guy? Your good girl friend might be the girl who teaches him a few lessons the hard way. If he's teenaged or early twenties, it will be good for him in the long run. Everybody's bemoaning modern society but I think even the cave-boys had to learn a few lessons the hard way. There's a difference between a total sap and a young guy with a backbone who happens to let his first love walk over him a bit. If this guy's in his late twenties or thirties then yeah he didn't date enough in his twenties and probably wasn't hit by enough pitches in the batting cage as a kid either. EDIT - eh, just reread the "mini massages" bit, he better man up soon or he'll be playing catcher in the batting cage forever.
Stockalone Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 If he tells her in a calm and level-headed way, I don't think she will call him a jerk. And if she does, who cares? Screw her. If my man had a problem with something I was doing, I would expect him to communicate what and why. And I'd expect him to uphold whatever boundary he laid down. I would do the same. Anyone with self-respect and basic relationship skills would. I can see your point. However, I don't think I'd be telling her that in calm way. Guys play this game as well, especially when youre younger. Hitting and touching on some other guys girl in front of him. If you havent done it youd be shocked how many men dont say anything to stop you, and how rarely the woman will either. Shes measuring her guy at that point. Interesting, I never had a random guy touch a gf without her objecting to it. There was one guy who wouldn't be deterred by my gf's objections though (and he had already drunk a bit too much). The night didn't end very well for him.
Recommended Posts