Is there really someone out there for everyone?

[Joefromoz]

 

OK - before we get to the answer lets get a bit of background to explain why I am asking

 

I'm 46, Australian - OK looking (reasonable physique, average height but bald). I have been married since I was 25 and after our first child my wife left with the child to take up with an old flame in another country. I chased after to get access to my child and after a year or 2 we were back together. Things weren't great, but they weren't bad. We would be intimate a few times a year - but not much more - and before you ask I am pretty sure (99%) that there is no-one else.

 

This was my first real relationship and I didn't want to give it up - but after a long while I've now concluded that maybe we are both just kidding ourseleves. I want a close loving relationship - with the spark that was there when we first met and I think she does to - unfortunatelly for both of us the other doesn't give the spark.

 

So at 46 I am now thinking is there really someone out there for everyone?

 

That one spark where you do feel that this person is right, and that spark which continues on through the years. I know there will be ups and downs - but that someone right would ensure that there are more ups than downs and that at the end of our days we look back and can say - yes we were right together.

 

So if you've found that someone right for you - let me know, it will re-enforce the hope that there is someone right for me

 

If you've not found someone just right - but been able to rekindle a long lost relationship - let me know, maybe it will make me realise that what I have is worth the effort and I should go for it and get back that spark

 

Or if you've not managed to find that right person and like me your sitting in front of a PC or a TV alone with a glass of wine, whisky, port, beer or some other mind altering drug - let me know, maybe it will make me re-think life and realise what the hell - its just life - enjoy the moment, what you have or who your with because there's not much more.

 

Its a bit of philosophy - but its a serious question. Please be honest - I have been - as your responses will help me work out where to go next.

Edited November 20, 2009 by Joefromoz
change spelling of a word

[deux ex machina]

Oh, there's someone in the world. One, and only one. For everyone.

 

How far will you go for true love?

Edited November 20, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Thornton]

I don't think there is one person for everyone - I think there are a number of people you can be happy with, and you'll be happier with some people than others. There are some people who you'd only last a year with, some people who you'd be able to stick out a decade of marriage with, and some who you'd still be in love with after 50 years of marriage. There's more than one person in each category, but obviously you'd be happier with people of one category than you'd be with people of another category.

 

So to answer your question - I believe there are many people who could be right for each individual, but also many people who could be wrong for them, and it sounds like your wife is one of the wrong ones. While you may never find perfection, I don't doubt that you could have found someone more compatible than the woman you chose.

[Star Gazer]

I don't think there is one person for everyone - I think there are a number of people you can be happy with, and you'll be happier with some people than others.

 

Yeah, that's part of what I meant to say above...

[Devil Inside]

I don't think there is one person for everyone - I think there are a number of people you can be happy with, and you'll be happier with some people than others. There are some people who you'd only last a year with, some people who you'd be able to stick out a decade of marriage with, and some who you'd still be in love with after 50 years of marriage. There's more than one person in each category, but obviously you'd be happier with people of one category than you'd be with people of another category.

 

So to answer your question - I believe there are many people who could be right for each individual, but also many people who could be wrong for them, and it sounds like your wife is one of the wrong ones. While you may never find perfection, I don't doubt that you could have found someone more compatible than the woman you chose.

 

 

Awesome post. This is exactly how I feel...so instead of trying to say the same thing in a different way I will just say I second this.

[AD1980]

I don't think there is one person for everyone - I think there are a number of people you can be happy with, and you'll be happier with some people than others. There are some people who you'd only last a year with, some people who you'd be able to stick out a decade of marriage with, and some who you'd still be in love with after 50 years of marriage. There's more than one person in each category, but obviously you'd be happier with people of one category than you'd be with people of another category.

 

So to answer your question - I believe there are many people who could be right for each individual, but also many people who could be wrong for them, and it sounds like your wife is one of the wrong ones. While you may never find perfection, I don't doubt that you could have found someone more compatible than the woman you chose.

 

Thats why i never belevied in soulmate or that one special person,how do you know theyres not numerous people you could have clicked with on that level and married that you just never met or met at the wrong time

 

I think thats why allot of people cheat nowadays..

 

They think they met theyre soulmate then meet a person at work or somewhere they they click with as much or even more then the person theyre with and are taken back by it and think thats their soulmate now

[Devil Inside]

They think they met theyre soulmate then meet a person at work or somewhere they they click with as much or even more then the person theyre with and are taken back by it and think thats their soulmate now

 

I do think...however...that there are a lot of people out there that are better suited to each other. So even though the OP may not find a soulmate...he may find someone that is a much better match on many different levels.

 

I know I got married too young and for the wrong reasons...before I knew what I wanted. So I know there are better matches for me out there...but as for a one soulmate...nah I'm not buying it.

[Tony]

This is a serious thread. I've deleted the first six or seven responses because they made a joke of it. Let's please keep this serious for at least 10 posts and then go with the jokes. Thanks!

[AD1980]

I do think...however...that there are a lot of people out there that are better suited to each other. So even though the OP may not find a soulmate...he may find someone that is a much better match on many different levels.

 

I know I got married too young and for the wrong reasons...before I knew what I wanted. So I know there are better matches for me out there...but as for a one soulmate...nah I'm not buying it.

 

Maybe as humans were not supposed to be with just one person all our lives??

 

..People change and arent the same as when you first met them maybe marriage is just an outdated idea since theyres tons of people at different times in our lives maybe wed be betetr off with?

 

With the amount of people men and women i see cheating nowadays i tend to side with this

[deux ex machina]

I want to let you know I understand how you feel. Truly do.

 

OP, how I really feel about that is (re: soulmates): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2393915&postcount=2

 

Your post is very thought-provoking, I think a lot of people have these thoughts.

Edited November 20, 2009 by deux ex machina

[threebyfate]

So if you've found that someone right for you - let me know, it will re-enforce the hope that there is someone right for me.

Joe, if you're with someone who's not right for you, get out of the relationship before looking for Ms. Right.

 

I think a few members have already expressed something similar but there are levels of compatibility. People settle too low.

 

As someone who's found the most compatible person I've ever met, it was worth being patient. We meet emotionally, intellectually and physically. We came from similar backgrounds with similar values. This is by and large the easiest and most fulfilling relationship, now marriage, I've ever had.

 

Don't give up. There's someone out there for you. As long as you're reasonable in your expectations and bring what you expect from your partner, to the table or at minimum, most of it, with some complementary traits, it can happen for you too!

[clv0116]

Is there really someone out there for everyone?

 

No, of course not.

[GorillaTheater]

No, of course not.

 

C'mon. Even Hitler snagged a chick, and he was a short guy with one ball who was responsible for the deaths of around 50 million people.

[clv0116]

C'mon. Even Hitler snagged a chick, and he was a short guy with one ball who was responsible for the deaths of around 50 million people.

 

Humorous, but seriously, he was also a charismatic world leader. There are people out there who will never find someone they can tolerate, who will also tolerate them.

 

For most of us, there are a ton of people out there. For me, probably 100s of thousands if not millions. I'm not super picky and I'm not a bad catch. I think most people are in this boat.

[Devil Inside]

Maybe as humans were not supposed to be with just one person all our lives??

 

..People change and arent the same as when you first met them maybe marriage is just an outdated idea since theyres tons of people at different times in our lives maybe wed be betetr off with?

 

With the amount of people men and women i see cheating nowadays i tend to side with this

 

 

As much as it amazes me...I tend to agree with this as well. When I was younger I felt that people could be with one person forever...and I know it does happen...but I don't know if that is how it should be.

[DenvyH22]

There is someone out there for averyone we all love one another.

[jerseyboy]

Ok I just did some research on the net.

 

Apparently there is someone for everyone, moreover records are kept to keep track.

 

Unfortunately mine turned out to be a lesbian, and the forms involved to have your someone changed are fairly extensive

[Joefromoz]

There's a lot in here - and I am serious. Finding the right person is important to me - however being alone is a big risk. I'd like to meet someone and if they turn out to be one of the right ones for me then I'll end my current relationship.

 

I'll heed the advice and end the current relationship should someone come along - however the risk of being alone is too great to do it before I find someone new. And before you say thats not fair - remember I'm 46 - have really only had 1 serious relationship and have never had much luck with the ladies. So my experience says its a huge risk to leave and try and find that someone right.

[threebyfate]

There are plenty of women out there who have little self-respect or are desperate enough that they're willing to date previously committed men, such as yourself.

[carhill]

So my experience says its a huge risk to leave and try and find that someone right.

 

Yeah, older then you, now living alone with divorce papers filed. Sometimes in life one must take risks to feel alive. Be who you want to attract

[Butterflying]

And before you say thats not fair - remember I'm 46 - have really only had 1 serious relationship and have never had much luck with the ladies. So my experience says its a huge risk to leave and try and find that someone right.

First I'd like to comment on your quote here. You are insecure, in which case the relationship you're in right now is not healthy regardless of how long you manage to hold on to it. Before you have a good relationship (the healthy kind that I think you want) you will have to be secure within yourself. That means, not being afraid of being alone.

 

To answer your original question, I believe there is more than one person well suited for everyone. I believe it is possible to have multiple soul mates. It really all boils down to what YOU believe.

 

If you decide to live the rest of your life believing that your XGF was the only one for you, then you will spend your life chasing her, and very likely being disappointed. But who knows! You may eventually win her back.

 

If you open up the possibility of there being another ONE out there for you, then your chances of having that person are greater. But you have to choose someone else. Hopefully, that person will choose you too. If not, then that's not the right person.

 

My perspective on this issue can go on and on because you have to explore the reasons that you make certain choices ect, ect. And I also haven't figured it all out for myself. I've only had two REAL loves in my short lifetime. Both men were THE ONE during the seperate relationships.

 

Now I'm searching for another ONE. I refuse to be stuck in the past. I refuse to give up the future. And I refuse to miss oportunities in the present.

[dark1san]

it's how me and my fiance look at it, we don't believe there are soul mates, we love one another to death, when we first met we knew we both liked the other but weren't sure what the other thought of us,. I will say I'm happier with her then I was with anyone else I've ever dated, I won't lie about that, but I don't believe in soul mates.

 

If it helps any my grandparents were married til death did them part, 6 months till their 50 wedding anniversary and my grandfather passed away right after valentines day. He never cheated, never strayed, he loved my grandmother with everything he had.

[aerogurl87]

There really are some ones (yes plural) out there for everyone. If "the one" did exist then we wouldn't be capable of having LTRs with multiple people.