She told a mutual friend she was "practicing flirting with me." Weird dynamic.

[theumlaut]

What's going on with this?

 

Met a woman thru a friend a few months ago when I started going to AA meetings with him. I'm sober 21 years. For her 15 years.

 

They're very close, but she's a much younger--daughter type to him.

 

She's about 10 years younger than I--my 45 to her 35.

 

He said early on that she was interested in being my friend, but that I'd never have a fling or relationship with her. Felt like a put down, figured it came from her saying she wasn't attracted to me that way. I don't feel like it was a put down from him. He greatly likes, respects, and admires me; thinks I'm a "real "catch" for any woman.

 

Things seem awkward between she and I. Stilted conversations, she seems to approach and retreat. Can't figure her out. I need a friend very much, but I'm very interested her for many substantive reasons--and physical attraction--for more than that.

 

She told him a few weeks ago she's "practicing flirting with you." What's up with that?

 

We have only had one long (20-25 minutes) 1-1 in conversation, once, at her place.

 

The awkwardness is puzzling, but she's just divorced, and there's the early comment from him about my lack of oppty for more than friendship.

 

She's called a few times, increasingly, the last few weeks to come over and help with things at her house--along with others--and to 2 very small gatherings she's had. Last Sat. at her place--house projects again--when I asked what she'd done the night before she said she was crying out of loneliness and unhappiness. She called the next day to thank me for helping, left a mesage. I returned her call and said we, referring to just us or with others, should do something fun this weekend. It's been meetings and the few things above.

 

Last night at a meeting she was beaming. I asked why she's so happy and she said "I have a date." I had no response, felt very awkward. No further talk about it from either of us. I don't want to hear about it due to my feelings. Today he called about helping her at her house on Sat. I will, but it felt weird that she didn't call me. She and I have exchanged a number of calls in the last week and half--just a few days ago--mostly at her initiation. Her not calling in lieu of him is very off-putting; retreat by her. Weird.

 

I'm in a phase where a relationship isn't a good idea--with anyone--and as just divorced--last month--it seems so for her, too. I don't handle platonic relationships with women I'm interested in well at all. I'm confused and probably coming of as awkward, too. I want a friend, and her as friend, but more, too, if not now.

 

Comments about this dynamic from women? My interpretation is that she's interested, but awkward, in general socially--he confirms this, not only with me but with me persoanlly--and is somewhat interested, but maybe not for now or whatever, hnce the up-down nature of our contact.

[carhill]

Not a woman, but, if you're not ready to date, don't date and, if you find her attractive and this makes you uncomfortable, remain at a distance, which means actively eliminating the thoughts which prompted the OP. Engage your male friend about other subjects and put her on the back burner.

 

If/when you are ready to date, ask her out

[Edward10]

Sounds like she is interested.