when he stares at me

[Sharon1961]

There's a guy I met a couple of years ago. We clicked and there was an intensity between us. But we were both going through some bad stuff and, well, it was just not a great scene.

 

He's a sweet guy and I think he knows I'm a nice girl. But since the friction we've not been able to really clear things up. We used to run into one another frequently but haven't for a while now.

 

So, life goes on. It's not consumed me or anything but I think about him now and then. And I know I'll run into him again since we know a lot of the same people.

 

The thing is, during the times when we've seen each other he's usually watched me from across the room until I look back, our eyes meet and lock and we smile and just kinda gaze at one another.

 

Dorky, I know. But it always makes me mushy inside.

 

I always wondered what he was thinking when he was looking at me for so long. (Usually I could spot him watching me before I returned his look.)

 

Next time I see him I'd like to reconnect and actually initiate a conversation or make myself available for him to. It's really been a comedy of errors more than anything.

 

So, generally, what is a guy thinking when he watches you for so long? And what should I say or do to kind of reset things with him? I just feel like I'd like a clean slate with him.

[carhill]

Did the 'bad stuff' cause one or both of you to treat the other in ways you now would regret? If yes, is that business finished or unfinished?

 

IME, when there is a 'connection' and both parties are equally aware, issues can be worked through if there is compatibility behind the connection. If the connection is primarily sexual attraction with further compatibility unknown, unclear as to how the dynamic would proceed.

 

I can tell you, from my own experiences with my longtime female friend, we could annoy my stbx and her boyfriend without speaking a word or even getting close to each other. There was just something going on which was evidently visible to others. Probably unhealthy, but a good example of what you're talking about, that intensity.

 

Sometimes, perhaps it's a good thing to have some distance

[Sharon1961]

Yes. I regret. Definite unfinished business. I went kind of buggy. He probably was like, whoa, crazy girl. But he knows people who know me and I'm pretty sure he was told what a bad time I was going through.

 

I've since gotten through the gunk and have just always sorta wondered. There was a definite intensity and frison. A magnetism.

[ADF]

OKay, so lt me get this straight. You two "clicked." There was "an intensity" between you. However, you were "going through some bad stuff." It just "wasn't a great scene."

 

OP, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT????

 

Sorry to keep talking about this, but it happens over and over again on LS. People post messages asking for opinions and/or advice, and though their posts are sometimes long, they are so vaguely worded no one can figure out what the problem is. Please, stop talking around things and start talking about them!

 

What do you mean when you say you "clicked?" What made you describe what happened between you as "intensity?" What was the "bad stuff" you were going through? How did that make the whole scene bad? Throw us a bone here, OP.

[carhill]

Men in general are pretty forgiving if certain boundaries of trust aren't breached. I'm probably less forgiving than most, particularly when I was younger. Still, when you have a natural intimacy with someone, something which doesn't happen often (at least IME), it changes how things are processed.

 

Our timing has always been horrible, but, if you two are both unattached, I could see him pushing through whatever the boundary is at some point. Hard to say for sure, not knowing his psychology. We're all different.

[Sharon1961]

Thanks Carhill. That makes sense. I think he is a basically kind person. So hopefully that also means forgiving.