Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Dating gets me in uncomfortable places: 1) I don't really like the guy, so why waste our time, right? 2) I kinda like the guy, but I don't want a relationship with him. 3) I like the guy, but I'm not really interesting in loving the guy. OR... 4) I love the guy. Now I've only been in love once. And when I fell in love with him, I wanted to be his wife. As it turned out, the relationship fell apart without having to discuss the end goals. However, being in love as I was, I realized that I wanted to be his wife! I had never concluded that I wanted marriage before, it was something new to me. After serious consideration, I've decided that my own personal decision is that if I am in love with a man, I would expect marriage. That being said, I'm in no hurry to get married. I am 27 years old. I have lots of interests, many goals. I love life, and it keeps me busy. So I'm wondering what I should do. Should I stay single, not date, until I'm about 30 and perhaps more willing to settle down? Should I date for fun, and just mention that I'm not looking for anything serious? (Only, I know where that would get me. I'm no FWB and not interested with NSA relationships.) At the same time, maybe I should get out there more since I'm in my twenties. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't worry about it and just see what comes along. I'm only afraid of being alone with ten cats is all. Thoughts?? Should I just not date, even though I'm young and fairly attractive? It would be the logical thing to do. lol.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Should I date for fun, and just mention that I'm not looking for anything serious? (Only, I know where that would get me. I'm no FWB and not interested with NSA relationships.) . sigh...................
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Also... I LOVE kids, but I don't want kids. So is it possible that a man who wants marriage would not want kids? It seems the only men who want marriage is because they want kids.
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 sigh................... Hmmm... Are you implying that maybe I should take sex a little lighter? lol I'm so full of questions.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 As I see it, you are in the perfect situation. You are self-sufficient and happy with your life. You don't need a man to take care of you. I think this is the perfect position from which to make new friends, expand the horizons of your life, and meet men and a potential serious long-term partner. So I'm wondering what I should do. Should I stay single, not date, until I'm about 30 and perhaps more willing to settle down? Should I date for fun, and just mention that I'm not looking for anything serious? (Only, I know where that would get me. I'm no FWB and not interested with NSA relationships.) Why not date for fun, be honest about your feelings and intentions, and enjoy? If you don't want to be a FWB or have NSA relationships, don't. If you find that you want light sexual relationships, protect yourself and enjoy. I think I'm pretty much in the same place as you right now, though I'm in my early 30s. I would like to meet my long-term partner, but I'm not in a rush, and I'm not going to meld lives with someone I'm not truly compatible with. So, I will live my life, enjoy the company of men I meet and have fun with them, and see what unfolds. The real joy in life lies simply in experiencing it.
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) As I see it, you are in the perfect situation. You are self-sufficient and happy with your life. You don't need a man to take care of you.I think this is the perfect position from which to make new friends, expand the horizons of your life, and meet men and a potential serious long-term partner. I think I have a fear of dating, then. lol. Because with girlfriends, when we get together, it is going out and flirting with the guys. So I've stayed away from that recently. I so don't know what I should be doing in the dating world. Afraid of giving away my heart again maybe. Afraid of what I've done in the past.... treated sex like play. (until real feelings got involved... and values!) I'm just trying to get a mature grasp on what I want. But definitely a time to expand horizons and make new friends. Why not date for fun, be honest about your feelings and intentions, and enjoy? If you don't want to be a FWB or have NSA relationships, don't. If you find that you want light sexual relationships, protect yourself and enjoy. I have a hesitancy over light sexual relationships now. It's hard for me to separate the sex from the relationship. I guess it got that way after I put so much "love" into it all. It doesn't have to be that way, I know. Ugh... I'm so.... serious sometimes! lol I think I'm pretty much in the same place as you right now, though I'm in my early 30s. I would like to meet my long-term partner, but I'm not in a rush, and I'm not going to meld lives with someone I'm not truly compatible with. You are in the perfect situation then. I don't know that I'd like to meet my long-term partner just yet........ I mean, then I'd have to get serious right? So, I will live my life, enjoy the company of men I meet and have fun with them, and see what unfolds. To enjoy the company of men I meet? That involves sex, right? lol. I guess I could only concentrate on being friends, or having male friends right now. Hmmm.... now that is an idea. It's all been fun and games, until I fell in love. The real joy in life lies simply in experiencing it. Absolutely. Thank you for your input.... as you can see, I'm clearly baffled. Trying to work at it though. Edited November 19, 2009 by Ms. Joolie
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Hmmm... Are you implying that maybe I should take sex a little lighter? lol I'm so full of questions. No Just have all these unused travel tickets to Texas. Now I still have no reason to use them:eek:
Ody Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) Hmmm... Are you implying that maybe I should take sex a little lighter? lol I'm so full of questions. He's implying there's something very contradictory about saying "I'm not looking for anything serious" in one phrase and " I'm no FWB and not interested with NSA relationships" in the next. Hardly uncommon, but pretty ridiculus. I think your suggestion to yourself about lightening up is a good one. Try looking at the guy as the FwB instead of you. You're using him. Yeah that's the ticket. If you absolutely have to see it as someone getting used or being shallow, and that makes you feel better about it, I'm sure your little play on words won't matter to Mr. FwB. Anyway your feelings are not uncommon, I get them all the time, thinking why do I bother with these bad dates. Then I get optimistic/curious/horny/lonely/bored/whatever, or have a good date, and start the cycle all over again. At this point "shouldn't worry about it and just see what comes along" is my conclusion as well. EDIT - heh or maybe he was just sighing because you got his hopes up with the first phrase, and dashed them with the second... Edited November 19, 2009 by Ody
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 He's implying there's something very contradictory about saying "I'm not looking for anything serious" in one phrase and " I'm no FWB and not interested with NSA relationships" in the next. Hardly uncommon, but pretty ridiculus. There is a contradiction in my head, I guess, from how I've been and how I want to be. It's like I have to choose... all or nothing. ugh. Don't like thinking that way. Trying to find a balance...
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 He's implying there's something very contradictory about saying "I'm not looking for anything serious" in one phrase and " I'm no FWB and not interested with NSA relationships" in the next. Hardly uncommon, but pretty ridiculus. No I wasnt. I was implying that no strings attached sex with her was what I wanted. I call it witty sexual flirtation And Im going to keep calling it that regardless of what that Judge, his court ordered psychiatric examinations, or the "restraiuning orders" say.
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 EDIT - heh or maybe he was just sighing because you got his hopes up with the first phrase, and dashed them with the second... haha.... that's how I understood it in the end. He can come to Texas. It's the "friendship state".
Ody Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 No I wasnt. I was implying that no strings attached sex with her was what I wanted. I call it witty sexual flirtation And Im going to keep calling it that regardless of what that Judge, his court ordered psychiatric examinations, or the "restraiuning orders" say. Don't worry, I realized that once I got all my own baggage out of the way! Hey, restraining orders just make it kinkier, right?
Ody Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 haha.... that's how I understood it in the end. He can come to Texas. It's the "friendship state". LOL with or without benefits?
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Don't worry, I realized that once I got all my own baggage out of the way! Hey, restraining orders just make it kinkier, right? Handcuffs and police issued firearms are how I roll, but I dont judge:) Although I will talk about you behind your back just to keep a balance.
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 LOL with or without benefits? ..I'm trying to decide........... Probably without.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 To enjoy the company of men I meet? That involves sex, right? lol. I guess I could only concentrate on being friends, or having male friends right now. Hmmm.... now that is an idea. Sex is not the only way to enjoy the company of a man. Friends sounds great. I have had some of the most wonderful experiences hanging out with male friends of mine (musicians mostly - making music all night, that kind of thing). Not having the pressure of trying to impress a potential partner frees both men and women to just be themselves and enjoy each other's company. If both of you are mature enough to manage any sexual tension that may arise, it can be a great thing. If you really don't want to have sex without love, and you don't want love right now, then it does make sense not to date, yes? And I totally relate to you on feeling like you're "too serious", "all or nothing". But that is who you are. Don't be afraid of or ashamed of who you are. There is beauty to this way of being -- it means that when you do make a commitment, you make it body and soul.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 ..I'm trying to decide........... Probably without. Just so you know, I have no desire to be a pig about it.. So if its a question of how much youre willing to give at this point,a matter of too much all at once with friends and benefits, Im totally willing to do without the friendship part
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Sex is not the only way to enjoy the company of a man. Friends sounds great. Shhhhhh IM working here. Stop C..k blocking me Also I now hate you
Knittress Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I'm with ya, pretty much conclusively... except.... celibacy kinda sucks. :>/
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 celibacy kinda sucks. :>/ It doesnt, thats why its so awful. Not even so much a quick rub occasionally Celibacy is a fat selfish Lazy whore, who stuffs her face with chocolate, and sleeps/watches sopa operas all day long
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Not having the pressure of trying to impress a potential partner frees both men and women to just be themselves and enjoy each other's company. If both of you are mature enough to manage any sexual tension that may arise, it can be a great thing. I've never had a guy friend. I mean, there's always been sexual interest. I've never thought about it as a matter of maturity. Interesting. I know what that means, I've just never applied it to me personally. duh moment. If you really don't want to have sex without love, and you don't want love right now, then it does make sense not to date, yes? On a purely reasonable basis, yes. I guess I just have to be practical about this then. But will I? According to brain science, I am susceptible to a certain pattern of behavior. ...Time for new patterns! lol. And I totally relate to you on feeling like you're "too serious", "all or nothing". But that is who you are. Don't be afraid of or ashamed of who you are. There is beauty to this way of being -- it means that when you do make a commitment, you make it body and soul. I truly believe this. I do value what I have, body and soul, and love..... I just need to be practical with my values, and fun. It'll work out.
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Just so you know, I have no desire to be a pig about it.. So if its a question of how much youre willing to give at this point,a matter of too much all at once with friends and benefits, Im totally willing to do without the friendship part Not friends with benefits? What's that then.... a business relationship? =D
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Not friends with benefits? What's that then.... a business relationship? =D I havent gotten to the point yet where Im paying women for sex. Although Im making contingencies for when I get older LOL jk Ill pay How much?
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 I'm with ya, pretty much conclusively... except.... celibacy kinda sucks. :>/ Yes, it does. It's boring. And I've been celibate for two months. I don't like dating, and I'm bitter now. And sad. And boring! But being good!!
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Okay, it's not so bad. I mean, I keep my mind busy at least. lol. I take lots of classes, working on improvements all around.... not even thinking of dating. And so the thread.
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