horrorgirl Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. He is a very good and kind person, and has been through a lot of difficulties and hardships during most of our relationship. These hardships are a part of life (death of a loved one, employment issues, bills) and I understand that he needs to focus on them. Our relationship has been put aside in some ways, and I feel that I am often helping him and being supportive, but that we are missing the romance in our relationship. We also have trust issues because of this lack of romance, and because, well, I feel like we love each other, but that we are so different that it is hard to talk about things. I love the news, and he doesn't. I care and love him, and he cares for me and loves me. I just am not sure we are the best match in terms of marriage and babies (and without romance for months, how can we make babies?). I feel bad because he let me know that he sees us together long term, and I told him that I see it as well, but if things improve between us. I feel like I was being mean, but I really don't want to be. Things have been so hard and difficult that it hasn't been a regular relationship for months and I also want him to contribute more before I would consider long term, long term relationship, ya know? I did let him know that I want him to be able to have his own stability because he has been having a hard time with that. Because of all of the hardships, is it right to wait it out and see how things progress and if they get better? I feel like because things have been so hard in his life, that maybe he just hasn't been able to do or give as much in a relationship, which has left me feeling spent a lot of the time. I feel bad because he is a good person and is just going through so much, and I don't want to make things any harder for him than they already are. I am worried about some of his habits, and if we are to go long term, I want things to change a lot. But I know that you cannot make someone change. Edited November 19, 2009 by horrorgirl additional input
Yukikazi Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 If you are not receiving what you need out of the relationship.. its time to move on.
norajane Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Be open and honest with him - and be specific - about what you need in this relationship. I think you're right in that he's been going through a lot and it's hard to be romantic and focus on romance when you're grieving, when you're unemployed, when you're stressed out. Tell him that, and add that you'd like to reinvigorate your relationship by doing x, y, and z. Be specific about what you need. Then give it some time and see what happens.
Recommended Posts