Ladybug_09 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Met this guy "A" online about a month ago through a dating website. We emailed each other a few times & met in person shortly after, he's not really my type but I thought he could be a good friend, I thought he wanted to be friends too. We then emailed/texted each other every week for 2 - 3 weeks as he's always on biz trips. He asked me to have dinner after work with him twice, each time he brought a guy friend, not what I expected as he didn't tell me ahead of time but thought there's no harm meeting a new friend. The first time I met B. The second time I met C who's B's brother, dinner went well but i had a feeling that A was trying to hook me up with his friends. A left halfway for a phone call but never came back & I was left alone with C, little did I expect we hit it off, talking, laughing & flirting a lot, there was intense attraction between us but we didn't stay for too long as there's work the next day, I felt dizzy due to the alcohol & he walked me home. The next day C emailed me asking me how I was & if I wanted to hang out on sat night the week after with him & his friends. I agreed & we kept our communciation going through email/text, I also asked A to see if he'll be going as a friendly follow-up, he said yes. A acted funny & didn't talk much to me the whole night, whats funny's that, when no one's watching, A tried to touch me a few times, squeeze my waist & put his arm around me etc, I was uncomfortable & confused, I didn't say anything.. then A left halfway again, C held me in his arms & we danced the night away, I melted, I went home with him..... The next day C texted me to say hi. I invited C & his friends to attend a friend's party the following weekend. I asked A too but he never replied. C came with his friends including A, A avoided me as expected though i wanted to ask what's up with him? He couldn't be jealous or else he wouldn't be introducing his friends to me or did I get it wrong? I tried not to think much, A left early again, I was occupied with C and I went to his place. Then C stopped contacting me after that.. I am not a sleep-around, am the cool-headed, independent type most of the time yet I am also someone who follows her heart not the rules, it might be too soon but we both were very attracted to each other at that moment & it just felt right, & at least for me the level of attraction is not purely physical. We are two mature adults in our 30s and were sober the whole time. I wasn't looking for commitment just because we got close, we had a great time but I also know it takes time to build a solid foundation for any relationship if that ever happens & I wanted to get to know him better in other aspects as friends. Both times I didn't linger the morning after, got dressed, kissed him goodbye and left, I didn't want to become attached emotionally so early and also didn't want him to misunderstand, but I am not sure if I sent him the wrong message that I was only in for sex with my "quick exit". Questions: 1) Should I call A to ask him whats going on as as I seem to have ruined the friendship between us? 2) Should I call C and ask him out for lunch/coffee? I don't intend to sleep with him again for now but want to chat as friends, though I don't know if he'll be interested still as I am not if we're on the same page? Or should I let it die between C & I naturally & quietly, as probably it died already? It's been two weeks since our last meeting. 3) Should I call B, C's bro as probably he knows something? Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Sorry hon but none of the above. There isnt a mistake. Although I have idea wtf A was doing when he brought C. Does seem like he was trying to set you up, but who the hell knows what he was thinking. He is certainyl acting liek you cheated on him lol. Although if he was actually trying to get with you, it was lame in the extreme that he brough some guy along. Honestly just let it go. Whatever you may or may not be in terms of your behoavior (meaning how you feel about these things) hes not contacting you because he doesnt want to see you again. What is he supposed to say, sorry I had sex with you, but now that we have Im good, and dont wish to repeat the experience? Bringing the other ones into it will just make it worse for you and more humiliating. Beleive me if he wished to talk to you he would have done so.
Lucky_One Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 None of the above. A isn't really your friend - you don't even know him and just met him online a month ago. C would be calling you if he was into you. B isn't even part of this equation; leave him out of it.
Sith Apprentice Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 A-Sounds like he was never really into you. We men don't bring competition along on dates when we really like someone. C- Sounds like he only wanted a quick fling. I think you slept with him too quickly, but there's no point in worrying about it now. I wouldn't contact him.
Author Ladybug_09 Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Thanks everyone, guess i can only burn all bridges now right? Agreed I met these people only a while ago so probably they are not even friends yet but by getting close to one of them I felt like I (and C) sabotaged what could be a potentially decent new friendship, but I also didn't expect to have been overcome by what could be lust or emotion. I am contradicting myself knowing that men are wired up to chase though at the same time I keep playing the guessing game myself, thinking life is too short to sit and wait for things to happen and that I'd rather take the initiative to find out. Perhaps that explains why I was never too successful in love!
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Honestly it sounds like A wasn't into you and was trying to get one of his friends laid.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 To be truthful Ive rarely ever even second dated anyone Ive slept with on a first date. I used to think maybe it was my processing they were easy, ergo they wouldnt be a good potential mate. But that isnt it. I think its that you dont have a chance to develop any real feelings for them before doing the deed, and thus sex with them in a lot of ways just feels blah by comparison to others youve been with. I associate that feeling with them, and then its pretty much over. Akso an unfulfilled libido is a powerful force (I can only speak from a guys perspective). If youre seeing someone, even those extra few dates make a huge difference. Cause you are in a lot of ways sweating her and anticipating, and those are the feelings you assoiciate with her. Also I think that act of just being able to kiss her for a while feeling somewhat frustrated sexually makes a hige difference, and in turn those good desirous feelings are what you assoicate with her before anything ever happens. But then Im a hypocrite as well because if a girl made me wait more than a few dates id probably be gone then as well, unless I really liked her.
Author Ladybug_09 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Posted November 21, 2009 Update: This guy C texted me to say hi 2 days ago, said he's been busy on biz trips and is now back in town but will be busy this weekend so he asked to meet next weekend. Then he texted me again saying he may be meeting his friends later for a nightout (it was 10pm when he texted me) and asked if I wanted to join them, he also asked me to bring some cute girl friends. None of my girl friends was available or interested as it's a little too last minute so I joked saying if I was allowed to meet his cute guy friends if I was the only one who could go. He replied back saying he needed permission from his friends half-jokingly, was that really a joke???? I didn't go in the end as I felt uncomfortable, guess I don't need permission from anyone. What's the deal here? Pls shed some lights.
jerseyboy Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Update: This guy C texted me to say hi 2 days ago, said he's been busy on biz trips and is now back in town but will be busy this weekend so he asked to meet next weekend. Then he texted me again saying he may be meeting his friends later for a nightout (it was 10pm when he texted me) and asked if I wanted to join them, he also asked me to bring some cute girl friends. None of my girl friends was available or interested as it's a little too last minute so I joked saying if I was allowed to meet his cute guy friends if I was the only one who could go. He replied back saying he needed permission from his friends half-jokingly, was that really a joke???? I didn't go in the end as I felt uncomfortable, guess I don't need permission from anyone. What's the deal here? Pls shed some lights. Possible FWB and Pimp for his other friends lol Sincerely move on
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