Now, it's complicated.

[tigressA]

Last night was a bit of a revelation for me. I was at my guy's house--for all intents and purposes I'll refer to him as Rebound Guy, or RG for short--and he cooked dinner. I find out from RG that his ex had e-mailed him Monday night, apologizing for her new boyfriend who had been harassing RG. She explained that he still felt threatened by RG and has been acting that way as a result. She told him she hoped he was doing well, asked him what was new, etc. He'd only just come back from seeing me, he explained, and was feeling really up about it, so he filled her in--new job, busy with school, and oh yeah, he met someone. He said he bragged about me a little, saying I'm really pretty and sweet, that I'm an actress (been in a few shows here in college), that I don't smoke anything and hardly drink (he has a past history with drug experimentation), that I'm "good for him". He also told her my name and I guess she'd tracked me down on Facebook, because she responded saying that she's happy for him, she knew he'd meet someone, and that I am indeed quite pretty, etc.

 

I said, "I really appreciate you being completely honest with me (he even offered to let me read the entire exchange, but I declined), but I'm highly uncomfortable with the idea of you discussing me with her. She left you and is supposedly real happy with this new guy. Seems a little harsh, but when two people are broken up, to me, that means that whatever's going on in the other's life is none of their concern. That's what I did when I broke up with my ex. I made it a clean break, full-on no contact, the works. Also, why did you feel the need to respond to her e-mail?"

 

He said, "I guess it's obvious I haven't totally let go of all this. It's hard, you know, when something like this happens, to just let go of it all. And I feel so bad sometimes because it's not fair to you. I want to give you all of me because that's exactly what you deserve and more, and I know I'm not capable of that yet, but at the same time I don't want to lose what we have going right now; I want to build on it and make it into something really special. You said you weren't expecting this to happen with me at all, and I feel the same way. I didn't expect to click with you, or anyone, like this so quickly. The last time I felt like this right off the bat was with...her. And...I am wondering what you are right now--why DID she contact me? Is she trying to mess with me? Is she thinking that if I've bettered myself that she can come running back?"

 

I said, "What I think is that you shouldn't even be contemplating anything like that. You shouldn't be concerned with her motives; you shouldn't be concerned with her, period. Not only because you're broken up, though that's more than enough reason, but also because she betrayed you. Instead of coming to you and talking to you honestly she took up with some other guy and then ended it with you. She's not entitled to anything from you, and by the same token, because you're not together, you're not entitled to anything from her. That's just how I feel about it. And...you have to choose. I'm telling you right here and now, that whatever choice you make, you stick to it. Don't think that if you choose to not move on and end up regretting it that you can come back to me. Know that if that's the choice you make, you lose me and there's no going back from that, period, end of sentence."

 

He said, "I know, and I wouldn't expect any less from you. You're a really strong person; I have a lot of respect for you and I like you, a lot. I want to move on. So I shouldn't be in contact with her anymore. I won't be."

 

I said, "I'm going to be wide open with you right now. I want you." He said, "I want you too." So now...he has to prove it.

 

Additionally, we also figured out that due to one of my housemates telling one of RG's female friends that we're seeing each other (this housemate, after I told her what's been going on with RG, realized who it was and said she felt like she was in the Twilight Zone because not only did she used to work with his ex, she's best friends with one of his cousins and is close with this female friend), this friend has had a huge crush on RG and is now incredibly upset. He got a series of text messages from her that were depressing, angry and mildly creepy all at once, and we found a conversation between her and my housemate on her Facebook wall that was even more depressing, angry and creepy. Not that I have anything to worry about as far as competition--RG isn't attracted to her in that way at all, but it's just yet more crap that I didn't want to deal with. I'm wondering if she isn't going to make things difficult for me, him, or both of us.

Edited November 18, 2009 by tigressA

[DustySaltus]

Again, he is TWO weeks out of a relationship in which he was cheated on. He is obviously still a mess.

 

But instead of just leaving him be for now you hit him with an ultimatum telling him that he needs to move on or he is going to lose you? How do you think he could RATIONALLY respond to that at this point.

 

Again, you guys are moving WAYYYYYYY too fast and I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment down the line.

 

If my Ex cheated on me, I NEVER talk with her again. But here he is giving you a 10 minute monologue on what she wrote. Whether it's out of guilt or love or whatever...it's too early to have these types of things going on.

[CLC2008]

Sweetie, it was complicated to begin with, don't you think?

 

This is what will happen when two people are 1-2 weeks fresh out of a relationship...

 

Throw in infidelity on both sides (you on your ex), new guy's ex cheated on him = complicated.

 

Let's keep it real...

[jerseyboy]

LOL

 

He sounds likea really good guy.

 

And while I dont necessarily disagree with your not wanting him to be in contact with his ex, youre being way too harsh about it wiht him. Especially after the good faith he showed.

[tigressA]

Sweetie, it was complicated to begin with, don't you think?

 

This is what will happen when two people are 1-2 weeks fresh out of a relationship...

 

Throw in infidelity on both sides (you on your ex), new guy's ex cheated on him = complicated.

 

Let's keep it real...

 

That was nowhere near recent. That was well over a year ago. Just to make things clear...

[CLC2008]

That was nowhere near recent. That was well over a year ago. Just to make things clear...

 

OK I will retract my first statement...

 

Sweetie, it was complicated to begin with, don't you think?

 

This is what will happen when two people are 1-2 weeks fresh out of a relationship...

 

Throw in infidelity on both sides (you on your ex over a year ago), new guy's ex cheated on him recently = complicated.

 

Let's keep it real...

[tigressA]

LOL

 

He sounds likea really good guy.

 

And while I dont necessarily disagree with your not wanting him to be in contact with his ex, youre being way too harsh about it wiht him. Especially after the good faith he showed.

 

I guess you're right. I mean, he did even offer to show me all of it. I just said what I was feeling at the time and it may well have come off rather harshly, but he didn't seem to have a problem with what I said or how I said it--note his responses. We're being honest with each other. And yes, he is a really good guy.

Edited November 18, 2009 by tigressA

[jerseyboy]

I guess you're right. I mean, he did even offer to show me all of it. I just said what I was feeling at the time and it may well have come off rather harshly, but he didn't seem to have a problem with what I said or how I said it--note his responses. We're being honest with each other. And yes, he is a really good guy.

 

 

Sorry if it sounded a little harsh. I suppose Im somewhat empathetic with his situation.

 

No offense , girls are what they are. I dont mean that in a mean or hostile way, and in no way bitter either. You have to appreciate different genders for the whole package, good and the bad.

 

Life experience, and a low tolerance for bs, has led me to develop certain habits that I bring into a relationship. Perhaps its capitulation, or just obnoxious frustration, but to give you an example.

 

If Im in a relationship with someone, once that commitment to her is made, I leave her alone in my place intentionally foir extended periods of time. Let her snoop to her hearts content. Its easier than dealing with the rest.

 

These are my email addresses, this are my passwords, I keep my phone receipts here etc etc etc. Its all out in the open, you have everything, so please spare me endless drama conversations. You want to know where I am, this is where I am. You want to come along, youre welcome to come along.

 

But there is only so much you can do.Its not my fault if some girl tried disrespecting you by hitting on me while youre there. The fact she did so does not mean I secretly want her. If some ex tries tracking me down, its no my fault. If your gf likes me its not my fault, and btw I told you not to talk to her about our sex life, next time listen,, or bringing her around drunk and stupid.

 

LOL

 

I suppose what Im trying to say is dont blame him for things everyone else does and keep it from allowing you to enjoy what the two fo you have going on between you

[melodymatters]

Sorry if it sounded a little harsh. I suppose Im somewhat empathetic with his situation.

 

No offense , girls are what they are. I dont mean that in a mean or hostile way, and in no way bitter either. You have to appreciate different genders for the whole package, good and the bad.

 

Life experience, and a low tolerance for bs, has led me to develop certain habits that I bring into a relationship. Perhaps its capitulation, or just obnoxious frustration, but to give you an example.

 

If Im in a relationship with someone, once that commitment to her is made, I leave her alone in my place intentionally foir extended periods of time. Let her snoop to her hearts content. Its easier than dealing with the rest.

 

These are my email addresses, this are my passwords, I keep my phone receipts here etc etc etc. Its all out in the open, you have everything, so please spare me endless drama conversations. You want to know where I am, this is where I am. You want to come along, youre welcome to come along.

 

But there is only so much you can do.Its not my fault if some girl tried disrespecting you by hitting on me while youre there. The fact she did so does not mean I secretly want her. If some ex tries tracking me down, its no my fault. If your gf likes me its not my fault, and btw I told you not to talk to her about our sex life, next time listen,, or bringing her around drunk and stupid.

 

LOL

 

I suppose what Im trying to say is dont blame him for things everyone else does and keep it from allowing you to enjoy what the two fo you have going on between you

 

 

I like your style Jersey Boy !!

 

Tigressa, there are ALWAYS complications and ex's. It sounds like he is being as honest and healthy about this as one could expect !

[northstar1]

He sounds like a stand up guy. But.......

 

This worries me a little.

 

Yes, he is being honest with his communication he is having with her, but I get the feeling he is not fully over her yet (how could he be in 2 weeks), and so his 'bragging' about you is a way of trying to elicit a reaction from her or make her jealous.

 

I know you are enjoying this , but again, two weeks out a long term relationship, and you are already pretty much acting like a couple. I just worry that he hasn't even had his time to process, grieve and fully accept all of this yet, so I hope it doesn't happen down the road if you continue.

[tigressA]

Okay, well, I saw him today in class and then after, he took me aside and said he had something to tell me.

 

He said that he had talked to his ex earlier today--they had the talk that they needed to have but never did, a closure. He said that after, he felt a lot better, and that it was what he needed to do to move on. They're not going to talk anymore. He said that what I told him last night meant a lot to him, and that he wants to move forward with me in his life. We're still taking it slow physically, of course, and we're not spending all our spare time together, but we are essentially a couple now. We want to be with each other, and that's the way it is.

 

I apologized to him for how I said things last night. I realized that though I do stand by the gist of what I said, I was unduly harsh and I could've said it better. I said that even though it may not have felt that way to him last night, I really truly did, and still do, appreciate him being so honest and open with me. He said that I don't have anything to apologize for, that he didn't have a problem with what I said or how I said it.

 

As for his "friend" crushing on him--he said he got a text from her this morning saying that she's happy for him, and that she's glad my housemate told her before she got too deep into it and got really, really hurt. So that case is closed.

[The Way I Am]

He seems like a stand-up, reasonable guy and you two have good, open communication. I think you handled it well, but may have been a little overly demanding that he not speak to his ex. Yes, it's good advice, since it's the best way to deal with a cheating ex. But I don't think it should be an ultimatum. You've put him in a difficult position. If he does falter and talk to her, he may feel he either has to lie to you or tell you and risk losing you. What if he runs into her some day and she says hi. He either has to be rude or talk to her. I think it would be best if he knew he didn't have to hide those little kinds of things from you.

 

I think you should clarify that with him. Let him know that you do think it's best for him not to contact her, and as long as it's clear he's trying not to, you'll be there to support him. If he has a legitimate reason for needing to talk to her, you'll understand and you don't want him to feel like he has to hide that. It'll only be a case of him really letting her back into his life or putting her ahead of you that'll make you walk away (like long conversations about new relationships).

 

Think about things with your ex. You didn't really cut off contact right away, did you? Didn't you say before that you had broken up with him previously? That means you've just had longer to get to the point where you can easily cut off contact than he has. Don't be too hard on him if he does do something like responding to an email of hers. Don't take it personally. Try to treat it the same way you would if it was a just a friend who'd been cheated on and dumped.

 

And try to stay a little detached here. Don't let yourself get too involved or let your feelings go too far yet.

[The Way I Am]

Okay, well, I saw him today in class and then after, he took me aside and said he had something to tell me.

 

He said that he had talked to his ex earlier today--they had the talk that they needed to have but never did, a closure. He said that after, he felt a lot better, and that it was what he needed to do to move on. They're not going to talk anymore. He said that what I told him last night meant a lot to him, and that he wants to move forward with me in his life. We're still taking it slow physically, of course, and we're not spending all our spare time together, but we are essentially a couple now. We want to be with each other, and that's the way it is.

 

I apologized to him for how I said things last night. I realized that though I do stand by the gist of what I said, I was unduly harsh and I could've said it better. I said that even though it may not have felt that way to him last night, I really truly did, and still do, appreciate him being so honest and open with me. He said that I don't have anything to apologize for, that he didn't have a problem with what I said or how I said it.

 

As for his "friend" crushing on him--he said he got a text from her this morning saying that she's happy for him, and that she's glad my housemate told her before she got too deep into it and got really, really hurt. So that case is closed.

 

You posted that one in the middle of what I was writing. (Takes awhile to finish a post writing it between doing other things. )

 

That's good news.

 

The friend thing really was a non issue. Her crush not reciprocating is her problem to deal with.

[tigressA]

He seems like a stand-up, reasonable guy and you two have good, open communication. I think you handled it well, but may have been a little overly demanding that he not speak to his ex. Yes, it's good advice, since it's the best way to deal with a cheating ex. But I don't think it should be an ultimatum. You've put him in a difficult position. If he does falter and talk to her, he may feel he either has to lie to you or tell you and risk losing you. What if he runs into her some day and she says hi. He either has to be rude or talk to her. I think it would be best if he knew he didn't have to hide those little kinds of things from you.

 

I think you should clarify that with him. Let him know that you do think it's best for him not to contact her, and as long as it's clear he's trying not to, you'll be there to support him. If he has a legitimate reason for needing to talk to her, you'll understand and you don't want him to feel like he has to hide that. It'll only be a case of him really letting her back into his life or putting her ahead of you that'll make you walk away (like long conversations about new relationships).

 

Think about things with your ex. You didn't really cut off contact right away, did you? Didn't you say before that you had broken up with him previously? That means you've just had longer to get to the point where you can easily cut off contact than he has. Don't be too hard on him if he does do something like responding to an email of hers. Don't take it personally. Try to treat it the same way you would if it was a just a friend who'd been cheated on and dumped.

 

And try to stay a little detached here. Don't let yourself get too involved or let your feelings go too far yet.

 

Yeah, you're right--I will clarify that with him. I definitely don't want him to be rude to her or just ignore her if they ran into each other; that's just irrational. I never meant it to that extent. But he may not understand, so I will talk to him again about it.

 

And with my ex--both times I split from him, I instigated full-on NC the moment I hung up the phone. The first time, there was no contact between us for about a month and a half, until I contacted him first. The second time, I went even further--full-on NC, plus blocking from Facebook and deleting all our pictures. So yes, I did cut off all contact right away. I thought it was the best for both of us. I'm one of those people who feels that way about that particular issue and sometimes doesn't understand why others feel the need to be in contact with someone they've broken up with. But I do see your perspective. It definitely doesn't seem like he's going to let her back into his life or put her ahead of me at all. He didn't even hint at doing that before. I mean, she's moved on too--she has a boyfriend, she's living and going to school in another state.

Edited November 18, 2009 by tigressA

[The Way I Am]

And with my ex--both times I split from him, I instigated full-on NC the moment I hung up the phone. The first time, there was no contact between us for about a month and a half, until I contacted him first. The second time, I went even further--full-on NC, plus blocking from Facebook and deleting all our pictures. So yes, I did cut off all contact right away.

 

But you didn't ultimately stick to it the first time.

 

I'm one of those people who feels that way about that particular issue and sometimes doesn't understand why others feel the need to be in contact with someone they've broken up with.

I know a lot of people feel that you have to go total NC no matter how the relationship ended. I'll try to explain my view on it. It might help you here or it might not. For me, my ex was the first person I would go to for advice and opinions. So, it kind of threw me off balance not having that. If two people care about each other, I don't think they necessarily have to suddenly become nothing to each other. (Of course, it's a different story if cheating or betrayal are involved.) My ex has even (selflessly) helped me sort through decisions between himself and new guy. I know that sounds weird and even wrong to a lot of people, but when people care about each other and remain rational, I don't think it has to be. I've had the same situation with other exes, and it all worked out fine.

 

Involuntarily, I still see some things he would enjoy doing and think about how we could go do them before I realize that it wouldn't be good idea if I want things to work with the new guy. That's just the way my mind has gotten used to thinking over the last 2 years. I need to adjust it to match my decision.

 

Not all exes are *ssholes and even the ones who acted like one aren't all bad. There's still something to miss and it's hard at first getting used to not having whatever that is.

Edited November 18, 2009 by The Way I Am

[tigressA]

I know a lot of people feel that you have to go total NC no matter how the relationship ended. I'll try to explain my view on it. It might help you here or it might not. For me, my ex was the first person I would go to for advice and opinions. So, it kind of threw me off balance not having that. If two people care about each other, I don't think they necessarily have to suddenly become nothing to each other. (Of course, it's a different story if cheating or betrayal are involved.) My ex has even (selflessly) helped me sort through decisions between himself and new guy. I know that sounds weird and even wrong to a lot of people, but when people care about each other and remain rational, I don't think it has to be. I've had the same situation with other exes, and it all worked out fine.

 

Involuntarily, I still see some things he would enjoy doing and think about how we could go do them before I realize that it wouldn't be good idea if I want things to work with the new guy. That's just the way my mind has gotten used to thinking over the last 2 years. I need to adjust it to match my decision.

 

Not all exes are *ssholes and even the ones who acted like one aren't all bad. There's still something to miss and it's hard at first getting used to not having whatever that is.

 

I really relate to those parts. Honestly there are still times when I think of my ex in that way. I live in an on-campus house, and two of my ex's friends live there as well. Sometimes when my housemates and I are doing things together I think of my ex and it still feels a little weird that he's not around hanging out with us. The major holidays are coming up and I was so used to having my ex pick me up from school and take me to his family's house, and this is the first time that it isn't happening that way. It does feel strange because it's something I hadn't had to think about in nearly 2 years, but now I do.

[CLC2008]

Okay, well, I saw him today in class and then after, he took me aside and said he had something to tell me.

 

He said that he had talked to his ex earlier today--they had the talk that they needed to have but never did, a closure. He said that after, he felt a lot better, and that it was what he needed to do to move on. They're not going to talk anymore. He said that what I told him last night meant a lot to him, and that he wants to move forward with me in his life. We're still taking it slow physically, of course, and we're not spending all our spare time together, but we are essentially a couple now. We want to be with each other, and that's the way it is.

 

I apologized to him for how I said things last night. I realized that though I do stand by the gist of what I said, I was unduly harsh and I could've said it better. I said that even though it may not have felt that way to him last night, I really truly did, and still do, appreciate him being so honest and open with me. He said that I don't have anything to apologize for, that he didn't have a problem with what I said or how I said it.

 

As for his "friend" crushing on him--he said he got a text from her this morning saying that she's happy for him, and that she's glad my housemate told her before she got too deep into it and got really, really hurt. So that case is closed.

 

He does sound like a stand-up guy and kudos to him for being honest with you. It sounds like the two of you are now going at a comfortable pace.

 

Two weeks out of a relationship is complicated as is, compounded with everything else. I think that's what some of us were just trying to point out.

[tigressA]

He does sound like a stand-up guy and kudos to him for being honest with you. It sounds like the two of you are now going at a comfortable pace.

 

Two weeks out of a relationship is complicated as is, compounded with everything else. I think that's what some of us were just trying to point out.

 

Yeah, I realize what you were trying to tell me and I'm grateful for it. It helped me to keep my feet on the ground. Cute as he is, he wants it on Facebook now... I told him I'd rather hold off on that for at least a couple more weeks because I want to savor how it feels with him before broadcasting it to everyone and their mother on that site. If he absolutely must have something up there, I may strike a compromise by having us both put "In a relationship" but leaving out our names for awhile, or both of us not having our status listed at all. I already removed my status, which was "Single".

 

He really is a great guy, such a sweetie. And all my friends think he's hot--I made the mistake of saying he has two biological brothers and one stepbrother and now they're bugging me about fixing them up.

[DustySaltus]

Yeah, I realize what you were trying to tell me and I'm grateful for it. It helped me to keep my feet on the ground. Cute as he is, he wants it on Facebook now... I told him I'd rather hold off on that for at least a couple more weeks because I want to savor how it feels with him before broadcasting it to everyone and their mother on that site. If he absolutely must have something up there, I may strike a compromise by having us both put "In a relationship" but leaving out our names for awhile, or both of us not having our status listed at all. I already removed my status, which was "Single".

 

He really is a great guy, such a sweetie. And all my friends think he's hot--I made the mistake of saying he has two biological brothers and one stepbrother and now they're bugging me about fixing them up.

 

Be careful, i'm telling you his motivation for putting you two together on facebook has to do with making his EX jealous. Think about it, he shows that he's "serious" about you and makes a point to her as well. Again, I think things are premature at this point and I just don't want to see you get hurt.

[tigressA]

Be careful, i'm telling you his motivation for putting you two together on facebook has to do with making his EX jealous. Think about it, he shows that he's "serious" about you and makes a point to her as well. Again, I think things are premature at this point and I just don't want to see you get hurt.

 

I really don't think so, mostly because they've been blocked from each other's Facebooks basically since they split. She isn't able to see his profile, period, and the same goes for him with her. I do agree that putting it up there is a bit premature right now, but not for the reason you've given since it's not even relevant.

[northstar1]

Tigress, I don't think anyone is trying to rain your on your parade, everyone would like to see you happy. And we aren't in your shoes, so we can only comment from outside.

 

Obectively, looking from outside the situation, is why people are just offering you caution.

 

You've only been speaking to this guy less than 2 weeks, and within that time you are suddenly a 'couple' and he wants to put in on facebook etc. I'm not saying he is doing this to show his ex at all, but it does seem like he is compensating a lot for something.

 

I guess I'm too old to properly remember dating in college, and how fast things can move, and how people change relationships fairly fast, but I am just curious how he can possibly have had his time to digest and heal from his relationship before jumping into a new one?

 

It sounds like by all accounts you guys click well, and that is nice to read, but I guess it just has my spidey sense tingling, ya dig?

[Ariadne]

Last night was a bit of a revelation for me. I was at my guy's house--for all intents and purposes I'll refer to him as Rebound Guy, or RG for short--and he cooked dinner. I find out from RG that his ex had e-mailed him Monday night, apologizing for her new boyfriend who had been harassing RG. She explained that he still felt threatened by RG and has been acting that way as a result. She told him she hoped he was doing well, asked him what was new, etc. He'd only just come back from seeing me, he explained, and was feeling really up about it, so he filled her in--new job, busy with school, and oh yeah, he met someone. He said he bragged about me a little, saying I'm really pretty and sweet, that I'm an actress (been in a few shows here in college), that I don't smoke anything and hardly drink (he has a past history with drug experimentation), that I'm "good for him". He also told her my name and I guess she'd tracked me down on Facebook, because she responded saying that she's happy for him, she knew he'd meet someone, and that I am indeed quite pretty, etc.

 

I said, "I really appreciate you being completely honest with me (he even offered to let me read the entire exchange, but I declined), but I'm highly uncomfortable with the idea of you discussing me with her. She left you and is supposedly real happy with this new guy. Seems a little harsh, but when two people are broken up, to me, that means that whatever's going on in the other's life is none of their concern. That's what I did when I broke up with my ex. I made it a clean break, full-on no contact, the works. Also, why did you feel the need to respond to her e-mail?"

 

He said, "I guess it's obvious I haven't totally let go of all this. It's hard, you know, when something like this happens, to just let go of it all. And I feel so bad sometimes because it's not fair to you. I want to give you all of me because that's exactly what you deserve and more, and I know I'm not capable of that yet, but at the same time I don't want to lose what we have going right now; I want to build on it and make it into something really special. You said you weren't expecting this to happen with me at all, and I feel the same way. I didn't expect to click with you, or anyone, like this so quickly. The last time I felt like this right off the bat was with...her. And...I am wondering what you are right now--why DID she contact me? Is she trying to mess with me? Is she thinking that if I've bettered myself that she can come running back?"

 

I said, "What I think is that you shouldn't even be contemplating anything like that. You shouldn't be concerned with her motives; you shouldn't be concerned with her, period. Not only because you're broken up, though that's more than enough reason, but also because she betrayed you. Instead of coming to you and talking to you honestly she took up with some other guy and then ended it with you. She's not entitled to anything from you, and by the same token, because you're not together, you're not entitled to anything from her. That's just how I feel about it. And...you have to choose. I'm telling you right here and now, that whatever choice you make, you stick to it. Don't think that if you choose to not move on and end up regretting it that you can come back to me. Know that if that's the choice you make, you lose me and there's no going back from that, period, end of sentence."

 

He said, "I know, and I wouldn't expect any less from you. You're a really strong person; I have a lot of respect for you and I like you, a lot. I want to move on. So I shouldn't be in contact with her anymore. I won't be."

 

I said, "I'm going to be wide open with you right now. I want you." He said, "I want you too." So now...he has to prove it.

 

Additionally, we also figured out that due to one of my housemates telling one of RG's female friends that we're seeing each other (this housemate, after I told her what's been going on with RG, realized who it was and said she felt like she was in the Twilight Zone because not only did she used to work with his ex, she's best friends with one of his cousins and is close with this female friend), this friend has had a huge crush on RG and is now incredibly upset. He got a series of text messages from her that were depressing, angry and mildly creepy all at once, and we found a conversation between her and my housemate on her Facebook wall that was even more depressing, angry and creepy. Not that I have anything to worry about as far as competition--RG isn't attracted to her in that way at all, but it's just yet more crap that I didn't want to deal with. I'm wondering if she isn't going to make things difficult for me, him, or both of us.

 

I think that as soon as you can, you must cut both women completely out of his life, forbid him to talk to them, and only love you.

 

Those women obviously have nothing to talk to him, and neither does he have anything to talk to them.

 

---

 

Well, you have lost at least 50% of the points with him that you had.

 

If you keep it going, he will lose the attraction to you altogether.

[tigressA]

I understand, I really do. Actually, sometimes I wonder too; I have these thoughts like "Is this really happening? This just seems too good". I'm working at letting go of these doubts and yet not become naive. I feel like the voice of reason so far, which is nice--it's new and different. Usually I'm the one all raring to go with little things like Facebook and whatnot...haha. One of the things I know about him is that he's got a very romantic view toward relationships, while I have more of a pragmatic one. He's a bit of a sap, to be honest, but I think it's really quite endearing. I think all of this is just his way of reveling in the newness of it.

[tigressA]

Boy is it annoying when people don't read through the entire thread before posting...:laugh:

[DustySaltus]

She isn't able to see his profile, period, and the same goes for him with her.QUOTE]

 

What about their mutual friends? You don't think they are reporting back to both parties unless they both told their friends specifically not to mention the EX to them?