Juno123 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I have been dating a guy for 3 months and he told me how I always hide things from him. His claim is based on the fact that I outright refuse to answer questions I don't feel comfortable talking about. For example, when he asked me who my ex boyfriende were and specific details about them, I just told him I don't want feel comfortable about about it. But just to note, he is NOT demanding me to tell him but he just doesn't like it when people are hiding secrets since he is used to being very open with his friends and family. And because I like to know things about him too and he often tell me without hesitation, I thought it is only fair that I open up to him too. After all, people have to open up and trust each other to nurture a relationship. I told him one thing that has been bothering me the most which is that I still have feelings for an ex while I am dating him. His reaction was quite surprising. He said "That's it?" and laughed about it. He doesn't know why I am so hesitant to tell him that. Then, he goes on and tell me how he used to date a slutty girl (who btw, he fell in love with). She would **** other guys and tell him "Yesterday, I was so drunk at a party and a guy ****ed me so hard". I obviously think that is a very disrespectful thing to do but apparantly, he think there is nothing wrong with it. He said "I was fine with it as long as I see her in the morning and at the end of the day" because he knew there is a difference between love and lust and that people shouldn't limit themselves. WTF! To me, that is just so twisted. I mean, open relationship is one thing but telling your boyfriend how hard another guy ****ed you is just so disrespectful. So, what do you make out of this? Is he just telling me this because he wants to pretend he is okay with what I told him? Or is he the type of guy who tolerate anything from a girl to keep her? Or am I just so out of touch with the current trends of relationships and that I am overeacting? But the most important question is: Do you think he is hurt at all about the fact that I still have feelings for my ex?
onebigfatcat Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Wow, just ....Wow. He actually said that, huh? I guess if he is ok with this girlfriend sleeping around, then what you said probably didn't effect him. He sounds like he doesn't really take relationships seriously at all. Are you seriously interested in this guy? If I had heard the same thing from a woman I was dating, I would probably just walk away from this one. Sorry, hun. Some times you win, some times you lose, and some times you get ....just wow!
Author Juno123 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 I am pretty sure he is serious about me though.
onebigfatcat Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Maybe if we knew more. What's a typical date/encounter like? From what you've stated he just seems totally incapable of real emotional attachment. Sorry, just my two cents. I've never dealt with the whole "open" relationship type arrangement, if that's the angle his beliefs stem from...
boogieboy Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 If he will still stay with you after you told him you have feelings for your ex, then dont worry about whether or not he's hurt. If he is, he will work through it, if hes not, whatever. IF he had a problem with it, he shouldnt have asked.
VeveCakes Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 If he's ok with his ex sleeping around, then he's ok with himself sleeping around! Sounds like manipulation. He's gotta respect you not wanting to talk about your past...you've only been dating for 3 months.
Author Juno123 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 He told me that he doesn't sleep around because he knows I don't like it. He thinks there is nothing wrong with open relationships but if I don't like it then he won't pursue that. Btw, before we became official, there was another guy that wanted to date me. Through his action, he didn't want me to date that guy but then after things cooled down, he told me that if I really wanted to date that guy, he would have let me date them both at the same time. Around the same time, he told me if I wanted to hurt him, I would be able to because he is developing feelings for me.
jerseyboy Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 You are overcomplicating it hon He wants you to tell him because he gets off on it. He wants to know the details so he can fantasize to it. From the limited amount you have shared I think he does want you to sleep with other guys. Hes a submissive personality type with ego issues. Sorry if that sounds harsh, and no doubt you wont wish to believe it, but Im a guy and believe me its not that uncommon. Hes just like a lot of guys I know
Author Juno123 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 You are overcomplicating it hon From the limited amount you have shared I think he does want you to sleep with other guys. Hes a submissive personality type with ego issues. So, he wants to fantasize about me sleeping around with other guys? Is that what you're saying? And how is he the submissive personality type with ego issues?
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