onebigfatcat Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 After my ex-fiancé and I decided to part ways, I took about nine months or so just to be alone and work on myself. It’s been quite a while since I’ve dated, and I sometimes feel like I have forgotten how. But, I’ve decided to jump back into the ocean and see what I catch. A little over a month ago, I ran into an acquaintance I went to college with about seven years ago. I hadn’t known her well at all then, but I was/am quite attracted to her. I took her up on an offer to go see a poetry reading (we were both creative writing majors). It was just something very informal with another of her friends. Since then we have talked a couple times each week over the phone. Each time inevitably lasts a couple hours. Definitely not intentional; it’s just one of those things were you look up at the clock and notice that it’s been hours, even though it seems like minutes. We’ve also met for dinner and another time to do a little Christmas shopping. We’re both very busy. I have a pretty intense corporate job at an extremely large company and am working on my MBA and she owns her own small business. We both love our own hobbies and being with our friends and families. During those times that we talk, we’ve never been lacking in things to discuss. There is a great deal of laughter and a bit of flirting. She’s extremely smart. We both have graduate degrees To be honest, I really don’t know how she feels about me. Nothing has progressed further than a friendly hug here and there. She’s hinted at having some fairly lousy relationships in the past, and it seems to me that someone at some point really pulled one over on her, because though she seems to have some self-esteem issues about her looks, (and this isn’t just me seeing her through rose colored glasses) she is stunningly gorgeous and very sexy. In the recent past, I’d say that I was in the same boat, but have gained an amazing amount of confidence since the breakup. I’m a fairly attractive guy, if not a bit skinnier than I’d like to be I suppose I’m at a loss as to if I want to even jeopardize what could be a great friendship by even attempting something more, but at the same point, I’m not sure I can really be the best friend that I can and still wish that there was more (seems rather dishonest, both to her and myself). And, if that was decided, how do I go about seeing if she is interested in the same thing? Do women appreciate the honest approach? Do I just ask her what she thinks of having a more romantic relationship and hope she is thinking the along the same lines? I don’t really have a problem with rejection, but I’m afraid that if I am way off base on this one, the awkwardness that would follow would pretty much destroy any friendship we’ve developed. Rambling over…anyone have any helpful thoughts they would be willing to share? Just can’t read this woman.
Author onebigfatcat Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Not even a tidbit of help from the wise? Seriously?
2sunny Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 why haven't you asked her out? seriously, she's probably thinking - he acts interested in me but doesn't take any action to ask me out... i have been in this situation many times and wondered why a man didn't ask me out when he seemed totally interested in me and my life... what makes a man wait? what are you waiting for? and gals like me definitely like to have the man make the first solid move...
VeveCakes Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Exactly! You have nothing to lose....just ask her out..make the move! Then let us know what happens
DustySaltus Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Ask her out. The longer you wait the closer you are to the dreaded FRIEND ZONE. You have to tell her how you feel about her already before she formulates her OWN opinion of what she thinks YOU think about HER. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Keep us updated.
Author onebigfatcat Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Thanks and I'll keep you updated. I've been thinking about the Friendzone problem also, Dusty. I think herein lies the true difficulty: I have no problem just going up to a woman that I'm attracted to and introducing myself, getting to know her enough to see if she is worth my time, and asking her out. It's when you already know them and the answer actually has meaning to you that scares me.
DustySaltus Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I think you'll be fine. I met a girl 3 weeks after my fiance and I broke up. It was a "zombie" date, I wasn't even there. Then I found out that she wasn't even there either. She had just broken up with her boyfriend too. About 6 weeks later we reconnected and were honest about everything. If she really likes you she will understand because she's been through a bunch of crap as well. All you have to do is ask.
Recommended Posts