sedgwick Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Had a blast. We have a lot in common and pretty much laughed the whole time. Played drums in his room -- he said, "Normally I feel uncomfortable doing that but I don't this time." No kissing, but lots of hugging, like three or four times, and once he pressed his face against mine. Kept touching me while talking to me (not, like, grabbing my boobs, just finding reasons to touch my arm and stuff.) Holding my hands and showing me how to hit the drum. I showed him how undulations worked (I'm a bellydancer, he's a Middle Eastern drummer, which is how we know each other) and he put his hands on my belly and then pulled them away laughing and said, "Holy sh*t, that's freaky." Lots of eye contact. Lots of smiling. Said he didn't want money for drum lessons, but asked if I'd knit him a pair of gloves instead -- I said of course! He invited me to a dance/drum party at his house Saturday night, and mentioned other stuff we should do (mostly telling me about shows and that I should come to them, which I guess is the way of the musician.) Said, "I love your energy." While we were having lunch, his leg was touching mine the whole time and he didn't pull away. Sooo...this is flirting, yes? I'm so stupid about this kind of stuff. I mean, I'm not reading this wrong and he just wants to be friends? If he IS flirting, I dig the taking-it-slow thing. I will never ever again dive headlong into a relationship like I did with my ex. I don't think I could; I don't think I'll ever trust that easily again. But maybe that's a good thing. Anyway...flirting? Damn, he's really hot!!
Ariadne Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 lots of hugging, like three or four times pressed his face against mine Kept touching me I'm a bellydancer, he's a Middle Eastern drummer his leg was touching mine the whole time Sooo...this is flirting, yes? Anyway...flirting? Damn, he's really hot!! Ok, here is my take... He was not interested and told you about paying for the lessons. Then you pretty much offered yourself to him and he is giving it a go. Middle eastern from where? Muslim? Then you are pretty much out of luck, he may have sex with you maybe. So far he is being fresh with you like for sex.
Author sedgwick Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 Ariadne, you are officially the biggest downer ever! Sometimes I wonder why I post stuff here, it seems like there are so many on LS who want to shoot down others' happiness. No, he's not Middle Eastern. He's a white Catholic boy from Long Island. He plays Middle Eastern music.
Ariadne Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Ariadne, you are officially the biggest downer ever! Well, at least you got a good deal with knitting for the lessons. And if he is hot you may have a hot fling also. Not sure about true love with these guys, don't trust them too much. Good luck though.
Author sedgwick Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 True love with WHAT guys? The kind who walk upright? Breathe oxygen? Honestly, how do you know what kind of guy he is? And in what way did I "offer [my]self up to him?!"
Ariadne Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 True love with WHAT guys? The kind who walk upright? Breathe oxygen? Honestly, how do you know what kind of guy he is? And in what way did I "offer [my]self up to him?!" Well, You said that he is a hot guy. Hot guys have the pick of any girl they want, so unless you are a 10, if the guy didn't seem interested before and now is all over you, don't think it's because he likes you so much. It may be, but when guys can have the pick of girls, it's unlikely that you are it. Second, you said he is middle eastern. If he is Muslim, they don't take any girl seriously that is not Muslim. And he was not flirting, he was openly making passes at you. But then, maybe this will lead to a relationship, true love, etc. I have been wrong before.
melodymatters Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Ari : We all know and love you here, but SHUT UP !!!!! Sedge is FINALLY at least testing the waters of NOT beating herself up over freaky banjo dude, and you are writing fictional scenario's ! Yes, Sedge, it sounds like a lovely getting to know you period. He DEF sounds interested, and flirting can be SO much fun, enjoy it ! Remember what you learned in your last R, and be strong, be happy, be free, and enjoy being YOU this time around ! I am so glad to hear from you again, I was wondering for a bit there !
gopher Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 True love with WHAT guys? The kind who walk upright? Breathe oxygen? Honestly, how do you know what kind of guy he is? And in what way did I "offer [my]self up to him?!" LOL!! This cracked me up.... He's totally flirting with you....keep up the "flirting dance" and you'll have a romance to post soon. Have fun!
northstar1 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Had a blast. We have a lot in common and pretty much laughed the whole time. Played drums in his room -- he said, "Normally I feel uncomfortable doing that but I don't this time." No kissing, but lots of hugging, like three or four times, and once he pressed his face against mine. Kept touching me while talking to me (not, like, grabbing my boobs, just finding reasons to touch my arm and stuff.) Holding my hands and showing me how to hit the drum. I showed him how undulations worked (I'm a bellydancer, he's a Middle Eastern drummer, which is how we know each other) and he put his hands on my belly and then pulled them away laughing and said, "Holy sh*t, that's freaky." Lots of eye contact. Lots of smiling. Said he didn't want money for drum lessons, but asked if I'd knit him a pair of gloves instead -- I said of course! He invited me to a dance/drum party at his house Saturday night, and mentioned other stuff we should do (mostly telling me about shows and that I should come to them, which I guess is the way of the musician.) Said, "I love your energy." While we were having lunch, his leg was touching mine the whole time and he didn't pull away. Sooo...this is flirting, yes? I'm so stupid about this kind of stuff. I mean, I'm not reading this wrong and he just wants to be friends? If he IS flirting, I dig the taking-it-slow thing. I will never ever again dive headlong into a relationship like I did with my ex. I don't think I could; I don't think I'll ever trust that easily again. But maybe that's a good thing. Anyway...flirting? Damn, he's really hot!! Yes. Enjoy it and don't think about it too much, just go with it. Take it slow, at the very least, you have made a friend but it sounds like he is interested.
Lishy Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 He is sooooo flirting with you!! Woooooo I am excited for you Sedge!!! Ignore A, she is sweet but her advice is .. well, debatable to say the least lol! I am just made up for you that you are even out testing the waters .. LONG TIME BLEEDIN COMING is what I say! lol Oooo you will be a little drummer girl soon and he will have warm hands ... and not from the gloves
Author sedgwick Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 (edited) THANK YOU LISHY!! It's so nice to have a crush again after feeling like I'd never get over bassf*cker. Two and a half years of abject misery is enough!! This guy is sweet and cute and laid-back, and when I hugged him he smelled good. Showering = major bonus! Plus, he has hair, unlike Joe. Not that I have anything against balding guys, and obviously I found Joe plenty sexy, so no bald guys here should get all insecure, but I gotta say I was fantasizing about what it would be like to run my fingers through his hair! And once again, he's not Middle Eastern, he's a white Catholic boy from Long Island. He just plays a mean dumbek! Speaking of which, I'm trying to figure out what sexy bellydancer-wear I should pull out for his party this weekend...I want something hot but not over-the-top! I'm thinking these: http://www.melodiadesigns.com/category/ORIG_PANTS.html -- I have the ones in the middle in black. They make anybody's bum look good!! Edited November 17, 2009 by sedgwick
boogieboy Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Im not blowing smoke up Sedgewicks ass. Im bringing reality to this thread even though she wont like it. I dont believe he's flirting with you. If he was alone with you (again) and you were flirting with him, practically throwing yourself at him and he didnt make a move (as a grown man should) he isnt interested and you shouldnt get your hopes up. He's just being extra friendly. Im sure youre really fun to hang with. He's a drummer, he knows how to seduce women, and hes not really seducing you. You would have to intimidate him - for him to be taking things this slow, (like he would a supermodel) he'd have to see you as someone REALLY special to take things this slow. That could be the case, but i think he just likes the attention from you. You know how much luck youve had with men this past year. You can go ahead and stay the course with him, but for your emotional well being, you shouldnt keep building up your hopes, you will crash hard if you try to make a move and he tells you he doesnt see you like that. BTW if he doesnt make a move on you in another week.....well, you'll be back here.
Star Gazer Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 He is sooooo flirting with you!! Woooooo I am excited for you Sedge!!! Ignore A, she is sweet but her advice is .. well, debatable to say the least lol! I am just made up for you that you are even out testing the waters .. LONG TIME BLEEDIN COMING is what I say! lol Oooo you will be a little drummer girl soon and he will have warm hands ... and not from the gloves I second this! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad you're finally out of your rut and having a good time! Yeehaw!!!
Ruby Slippers Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 No offense to any naysayers, but I think sedgwick needs to just have some fun with a boy... without worrying about where it's GOING, what he WANTS, blah blah blah. I trust her to protect herself and use good judgment. She's a smart cookie. I know because I need to do the exact same thing right now. And it's HARD for us to do that sometimes. But sometimes we have to or we'll just give up all hope. FUN! It's underrated.
boldjack Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Fun it is!! Hey, Rube, you wanna go to Paris? I'm thinkin we could have a HELL of a lot of fun!!
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 True love with WHAT guys? The kind who walk upright? Breathe oxygen? Honestly, how do you know what kind of guy he is? And in what way did I "offer [my]self up to him?!" :lmao: *cough* LMFAO It sounded like sweet flirting to me, Sedgwick.
Author sedgwick Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 It sounded like sweet flirting to me, Sedgwick. Thanks! I'm inclined to think so too. I want things to move slowly, want to just get to know each other first, and I hope he does too. To all the guys reading this who may be thinking the only way to show a girl you're interested is to overtly put the moves on her from the outset, PLEASE don't think that! If he'd already tried something I wouldn't trust him, and I wouldn't be interested. It would skeeve me out, actually. In retrospect, I'm glad I took two and a half years completely off from dating. I needed to get over Joe, and I needed to find myself. I was in no position to get involved with anyone, even just for sex, and I'm SURE I was giving off a don't-approach-me vibe. Instead, I traveled alone, wrote a book alone, and kept dancing through the broken heart and tears. Sometimes I'd be in the studio rehearsing and I'd want to crumple to the floor, but I'd keep dancing while I cried. In the process I proved to myself I was a lot stronger than I ever thought, and I'll have that confidence for the rest of my life. I'm much better girlfriend material than I was before. And hey, guys? I know this may come as a shock, but just as there are shy dorky bellydancers, there are shy dorky musicians. Not everyone with a drum is a rockstar. He's kind of gangly and goofy, which I think is hot as hell but which isn't exactly a mainstream turn-on. A friend of mine described him as "the quirky sidekick -- like Ducky in Pretty in Pink or Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Totally accurate.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Fun it is!! Hey, Rube, you wanna go to Paris? I'm thinkin we could have a HELL of a lot of fun!! Hell yeah, cowboy.
boldjack Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Maybe Sedgewick, this is just what you are looking for, BECAUSE of your last relationship, a "side-kick". Very non-threatening, more like a buddy. One thing though, be sure that you mention this to "drummer dude", he may have other ideas.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 To all the guys reading this who may be thinking the only way to show a girl you're interested is to overtly put the moves on her from the outset, PLEASE don't think that! No kidding. The guy with the best chemistry I ever dated - we hardly even touched at all on our first date. It was not overtly romantic, we are both introverts. Most touching was when I laughed at something he said and shoved his shoulder lightly and then a half-hug at the end of the date. It was a 6-hour date, we talked a TON. Got together the very next day, so I think it's safe to say he was interested. Sounds like he's playing it safe, but he DOES sound interested in you. Using drum lessons as a cover. Heehee. I hope things work out - he sounds good for you.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 In retrospect, I'm glad I took two and a half years completely off from dating. I needed to get over Joe, and I needed to find myself. I was in no position to get involved with anyone, even just for sex, and I'm SURE I was giving off a don't-approach-me vibe. Instead, I traveled alone, wrote a book alone, and kept dancing through the broken heart and tears. Sometimes I'd be in the studio rehearsing and I'd want to crumple to the floor, but I'd keep dancing while I cried. In the process I proved to myself I was a lot stronger than I ever thought, and I'll have that confidence for the rest of my life. I'm much better girlfriend material than I was before. I am RIGHT there with ya, honey. I only took a year off, but I really needed it. And I did similarly therapeutic things with my music. It's so important to KNOW that you can be OK alone, and to have had that experience. And hey, guys? I know this may come as a shock, but just as there are shy dorky bellydancers, there are shy dorky musicians. Not everyone with a drum is a rockstar. He's kind of gangly and goofy, which I think is hot as hell but which isn't exactly a mainstream turn-on. A friend of mine described him as "the quirky sidekick -- like Ducky in Pretty in Pink or Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Totally accurate. I was tooootally thinking this could be the case. THOSE GUYS ARE THE BEST! This is going to be soooo fun!
Author sedgwick Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Maybe Sedgewick, this is just what you are looking for, BECAUSE of your last relationship, a "side-kick". Very non-threatening, more like a buddy. One thing though, be sure that you mention this to "drummer dude", he may have other ideas. Oh, I'd definitely like him to be more than a buddy! But I'm QUITE happy to spend time just hanging out getting to know each other before complicating it with sexytime. And Ruby, YES we need to relax and have fun!! It feels great to just chill with someone and laugh a lot.
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