Butterflying Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 So I've been dating this guy for a while. Over the past few months it's been impossible to even talk to each other because he has been "having a ruff time" as he calls it. A while back (I don't even remember. That's how long it's been) we discussed getting together for dinner and movie one evening. He told me when he was free. All I had to do was decide the movie and restaurant and call him back the next day. Well I called him the next day and left a message with the info. He didn't call me back. A week later I sent a text message asking if everything was okay. Still no response. Now, after months have passed, he finally called me to apologize and give me the "ruff time" speech. He assured me that things are much better for him now and he has more time for us to do things together like we used to when we first met. He had a great idea for us to get tickets to a live show that is only in town until the end of the week. However, tomorrow is his only day free due to work. Tomorrow is bad for me because of my work. But my schedule is more flexible. I told him I would make some changes and let him know for sure by today. He said that was perfectly fine. I changed my schedule and called him today to tell him the good news. Surprisingly he apogized and said he was no longer able to get together because tomorrow is the nicest weather we've had in a couple of weeks. He needs to get some work done around his house (yard work..ect.). He and I will have to do something another time. He'll keep me posted! Of course I feel like I've been "tricked" again. I don't even know how to feel about this because he sounded so sincere, concerned, and interested in me when we made these NEW plans. I recall it was also the same way he sounded months ago too. I'm trying to be understanding. That is the reason I've accepted his explanations and not made a huge a deal out it with him. Before I do that, I'd like to get a few opinions. Does it sound like he's playing games with me? Should I just wait until the next time he is available?
Left in a Lurch Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 100% Games. Move on and don't look back.
DustySaltus Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 So I've been dating this guy for a while. Over the past few months it's been impossible to even talk to each other because he has been "having a ruff time" as he calls it. Translation: The girl I was pursuing (whether an ex or someone new) is not interested anymore, let's see who buys my BS. A while back (I don't even remember. That's how long it's been) we discussed getting together for dinner and movie one evening. He told me when he was free. All I had to do was decide the movie and restaurant and call him back the next day. I don't want to put any effort into this. I mean why should I?....I'm having a "ruff" time. Well I called him the next day and left a message with the info. He didn't call me back. A week later I sent a text message asking if everything was okay. Still no response. Someone got back to him....... Now, after months have passed, he finally called me to apologize and give me the "ruff time" speech. He assured me that things are much better for him now and he has more time for us to do things together like we used to when we first met. Things fell apart again...let's see if I really have this one hooked. He had a great idea for us to get tickets to a live show that is only in town until the end of the week. However, tomorrow is his only day free due to work. Tomorrow is bad for me because of my work. But my schedule is more flexible. I told him I would make some changes and let him know for sure by today. He said that was perfectly fine. Let me suggest something, it will look like i'm coming around even though I really have no idea what I want. He never expected you to change your schedule for him at a moment's notice. I changed my schedule and called him today to tell him the good news. Surprisingly he apogized and said he was no longer able to get together because tomorrow is the nicest weather we've had in a couple of weeks. He needs to get some work done around his house (yard work..ect.). He and I will have to do something another time. He'll keep me posted! You called him on his BS and accomodated him. He came up with one of the weakest, slap in the face excuses. At this point, why would you ever call him again? I got a good idea, offer to help him with his stuff. Tell him you're a great gardener (just for kicks) see what he comes up with now...he'll come up with something.... Of course I feel like I've been "tricked" again. I don't even know how to feel about this because he sounded so sincere, concerned, and interested in me when we made these NEW plans. I recall it was also the same way he sounded months ago too. Yeah, he's the same schmuck...ditching you for a LAWNMOWER! Come on! I'm trying to be understanding. That is the reason I've accepted his explanations and not made a huge a deal out it with him. Before I do that, I'd like to get a few opinions. Does it sound like he's playing games with me? Should I just wait until the next time he is available? Don't ever call him again. Really, what's so great about this guy? Why would you ever want to deal with this? When people like you, they do the OPPOSITE of everything he's done here!
onebigfatcat Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 What I've learned is that the vast majority of relationships end (or don't really get off the ground), not because the two people aren't compatible, but due to timing. Maybe he is just busy, or maybe he's playing games (not very well, I might add). I just hope you aren't putting all your eggs in this basket and placing your love life on hold while you wait for him to get it together.
Yukikazi Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 In this day and age with our current technology.. anyone who can't return a phone call or text in less then 3 days obviously doesn't give a ****. It takes 20 seconds to text someone.. less for you fast texters.. there is no excuse. If they can't spare 20 seconds of their time while on the crapper or waiting for the shower to heat up or standing in line... they just are not that into you.
New Again Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 So I've been dating this guy for a while. Over the past few months it's been impossible to even talk to each other because he has been "having a ruff time" as he calls it. If you haven't even been talking for months, you most definitely are not "dating" each other. A while back (I don't even remember. That's how long it's been) we discussed getting together for dinner and movie one evening. He told me when he was free. All I had to do was decide the movie and restaurant and call him back the next day. Well I called him the next day and left a message with the info. He didn't call me back. A week later I sent a text message asking if everything was okay. Still no response. Something better came along. He has a very low level of interest in you. It would've taken him two seconds to reply to you, either to cancel or to reschedule. Not only is he rude, he's a coward and lazy. Now, after months have passed, he finally called me to apologize and give me the "ruff time" speech. He assured me that things are much better for him now and he has more time for us to do things together like we used to when we first met. That's really all I have to say about that. He had a great idea for us to get tickets to a live show that is only in town until the end of the week. However, tomorrow is his only day free due to work. Tomorrow is bad for me because of my work. But my schedule is more flexible. I told him I would make some changes and let him know for sure by today. He said that was perfectly fine. Mistake on your part. Why are you not only making yourself available, but going out of your way to rearrange your schedule for a guy who can't even give you the courtesy to call or reply to a text to cancel? I changed my schedule and called him today to tell him the good news. Surprisingly he apogized and said he was no longer able to get together because tomorrow is the nicest weather we've had in a couple of weeks. He needs to get some work done around his house (yard work..ect.). He and I will have to do something another time. He'll keep me posted! Why are you surprised? I wasn't the least bit surprised when I read that he blew you off again. It's textbook. Of course I feel like I've been "tricked" again. I don't even know how to feel about this because he sounded so sincere, concerned, and interested in me when we made these NEW plans. I recall it was also the same way he sounded months ago too. I'm trying to be understanding. That is the reason I've accepted his explanations and not made a huge a deal out it with him. Before I do that, I'd like to get a few opinions. Does it sound like he's playing games with me? Should I just wait until the next time he is available? Well there's your problem. Stop being so "understanding."
Author Butterflying Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) What I've learned is that the vast majority of relationships end (or don't really get off the ground), not because the two people aren't compatible, but due to timing. Maybe he is just busy, or maybe he's playing games (not very well, I might add). I just hope you aren't putting all your eggs in this basket and placing your love life on hold while you wait for him to get it together. This is true. I definately have been dating other people. That is another reason this isn't a huge issue for emotionally. Of course, I'm INTERESTED in all the men I date, including this one. So I do whatever I can to give a relationship a chance until I realize he's not a good guy for me. Things were so amazing between me and this guy in the begining. Then all of a sudden, he got busier and busier. Before I know it, months go by with no contact. I forget about him. And then he resurfaces. Edited November 16, 2009 by Butterflying
Double Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Men don't call when they're getting what they want from someone else.
phineas Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Offer to come over & help him with his yard work. LOL!
V.Vixen Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 It's become such a cliche, but it really is a "he's just not that into you" situation. When a man is into you, you don't have to guess, you'll know! Walk away, and eventually a guy who can't get enough of you will come around.
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Even if I was interested, I would run from this guy. He is showing you who he IS, believe him and move on.
Author Butterflying Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 It's become such a cliche, but it really is a "he's just not that into you" situation. When a man is into you, you don't have to guess, you'll know! The reason that this is so hard to accept is the timing issue that somone mentioned earlier. I can move on quite easily with someone else. But until I have a happy and exclusive relationship with someone, I am compeled to give this guy a chance because he keeps coming back. Each time I wonder if the timing is better now. If he would just go away and stay away it would be so much easier for me to accept that "he's just not that into me." Instead he keeps returning and telling me how much he cares about me and missed me, ect. ect.
Yukikazi Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 The reason that this is so hard to accept is the timing issue that somone mentioned earlier. I can move on quite easily with someone else. But until I have a happy and exclusive relationship with someone, I am compeled to give this guy a chance because he keeps coming back. Each time I wonder if the timing is better now. If he would just go away and stay away it would be so much easier for me to accept that "he's just not that into me." Instead he keeps returning and telling me how much he cares about me and missed me, ect. ect. Stray dogs and cats keep comming back if you feed them.. dosen't mean they wont give you rabies
V.Vixen Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Stray dogs and cats keep comming back if you feed them.. dosen't mean they wont give you rabies I am sure he is coming around when it's convenient for him,too. Drop the dud!
Author Butterflying Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 I am sure he is coming around when it's convenient for him,too. Drop the dud! I know! I know! And I hate to sound like an idiot for beating a dead horse here. But I just don't know how to drop him. I NEVER call him unless it's in response to a message he sends. One time I did try to ignore him by not returning his calls. But he continued to call and leave messages until I finally gave in. He is very presistant.
Yukikazi Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Grow a spine and stop returning calls... Change your number There are plenty of ways to avoid someone.. if you actually want to.
Calendula Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Sounds to me like he is being a selfish, inconsiderate, a$$, who isn't worth any more of your time. If you really are interested in him and he keeps pretending to be interested in you and then canceling, you might try the following just to see what he does: You mentioned he cancelled on you because of the weather and 'having to get some yard work done'. I agree that you should offer to help him with his yard work, or whatever it is that he comes up with next that he HAS to do instead of spend time with you. If he brushes you off, 'it will be too hard for a woman' etc, or some bull like that, tell him you would be willing to just watch him as moral support so you can spend some time with him. If he brushes you off after that, I would say be direct and ask him flat out if his real reason for his inappropriate actions is because he isn't really all that interested. Make it abundantly clear to him that his actions are speaking volumes louder than his words and see what he has to say for himself. You could also tell him that if he again 'reschedules' with you, that you are done with him and are no longer interested in even trying to work something out. Regardless of how many times he calls you in the future, don't call him back - eventually he'll get it. Put your foot down and quit putting up with his bull. If this is the kind of stuff he pulls when you two aren't even 'dating' (to use the term loosely) what kind of crap would you end up having to deal with for the long term?
The Way I Am Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) Yard work? Really? Yard work? How bad has this man's yard gotten from one day to the next that it's suddenly so pressing he has to cancel a date? Did the grass magically grow 5 inches from the time he asked you to the time you got back to him to confirm? If yard work was so important, he could have checked the whether one day earlier and not wasted your time. Instead he allowed you to rearrange your schedule for him. He's not the least bit appreciative of the effort you put in. His yard is more important? That's at best really inconsiderate. But it sounds like some kind of a game to boost his ego at your expense. What a jerk. Stop wasting your time. Edited November 16, 2009 by The Way I Am
Ruby Slippers Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 But I just don't know how to drop him. I NEVER call him unless it's in response to a message he sends. One time I did try to ignore him by not returning his calls. But he continued to call and leave messages until I finally gave in. He is very presistant. The next time he calls, say, "I do not want to see you anymore. Don't contact me again. Good-bye." *click* Then never respond to another call, text, e-mail, or anything again. He'll figure it out eventually. He'll probably come on really strong at first (chasing). He might call you a dozen times and send you 20 texts. Just ignore him completely.
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