moonbeam125 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I don't know why drama keeps following me everywhere, but although I know this situation is entirely my fault, I was wondering if I should do any damage control or if anything really needs to be done... Coles Notes: met a guy through an online dating site, we really hit it off on our first date, a lot of talking and I really enjoyed myself. He asked me out the following week at the end of the date (good sign, of course). Met the guy for date 2 and we talked again, still a decent flow of conversation and he revealed some of his past relationships...I mean they didn't really put him in the best of light necessarily, but it's not my place to judge. I had a good time again and at the end of the evening, he asked me if I wanted to go over to his place, but I declined. Not that I don't like the guy, but it's too early at this stage (for me, anyway). The following day he IM'd me to apologize for last night (he was referring moreso to the conversation about his past experiences). I said it was fine and that he was just expressing his thoughts and feelings and there's nothing wrong with that...and I do mean it. However, I wrote some blog entries about him, about our date and in those entries I came to the conclusion that he only wanted a sexual "relationship" (which may or may not be true)...I actually felt pretty sure after I got home that I likely wasn't going to hear from the guy again because I didn't put out the previous night. Not to mention that I ranted on about how yet again guy has disappointed me again for wanting sex so early and the fact that I am still sexually inexperienced and feel the need to be more careful with who I choose to be with at the end of the night. Today I received an email from him asking me to remove his identity from my blog...he found my blog! (likely through an indirect link from somewhere off my website) I don't even know what is worse, the thought that I might have read him wrong and have "ruined" my chances with him or the fact that I now appear like a total hypocrite. Of course, if he was only looking for casual sex, then I don't know why I'm getting all worked up over it...just wondering what your thoughts are... Definitely a good lesson to everyone for being more careful about what you put online for public reading. Although I live most of my life as an open book, some things are better kept private.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Nothing can be done here. I say let it be. That's to answer the question of the topic. But I'm curious, because I must have missed a major piece of the story...where in the heck did you get the impression he only wanted you for sex? Just from the brief amount of info presented here, it sounds like he poured his heart out about his past relationships and got judged rather harshly for it in a public blog online. I would have had the same reaction he did.
boldjack Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 OP, you are right about one thing, this IS totally your fault. You went on a couple of dates with him, then dissed him , behind his back, on the Web. Good Job!! I would leave the guy alone (if you even have the choice), now he knows the real you. This is a very bad thing to get into the habit of doing. If you want men to treat you right , you need to return the favor.
Author moonbeam125 Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 I may very well have been jumping to conclusions but because on date 2 it was late, we haven't had any physical intimacy aside from hugging...it seemed like a very odd proposition to ask someone over to your place unless you're implicating sex. Also, after I declined, he asked "was that 'no' just for tonight?" I never responded to that question because I didn't want to promise anything... He might not have only wanted sex, but definitely he needed to be sexually validated, I think...something I'm not prepared to do this early... I just feel really weird about everything right now... And boldjack, you're right...I do take full responsibility and feel incredibly horrible. Unfortunately this guy was not only a victim of a public outting, but my perceptions were unfortunately coloured by my past experiences who were unfortunately after only sex because I was stupid enough to go over to their place, or I get harassed on the street, or touched inappropriately...I guess I found it hard to believe that someone could actually be interested in me as a person.
boldjack Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 One thing you CAN do, OP, is to apologize. Admit to him that you were completely in the wrong, and then leave him alone. If he is of a forgiving nature, then he will contact you later, if not, at least you have done the right thing by him. But the apology should be real, and not full of qualifiers.
thegreatmoose Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I don't know why drama keeps following me everywhere, but although I know this situation is entirely my fault, I was wondering if I should do any damage control or if anything really needs to be done... You made a mistake and you admitted it. Good job and don't make the same mistake again. However, I don't think there is anything you can do here, unless he changes his mind. The bigger thing is I see you mention drama follows you around everywhere. I don't think it is a coincidence. Is there some part of you that likes drama? If there is, it is likely to attract guys who want sex earlier and scare off the guys who want long term relationships and marriage. Just a thought.
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