can a couple with a large age difference work out?

[Waitress]

Do people here know of instances where a couple with a 20 year age difference were happy together long term?

[Lucky_One]

I don't; sorry. Issues with children and families always seemed to be a fairly quick aspect to the demise.

[dreamergrl]

depends on the ages

[justforfun]

Of course there are those that may. But generally speaking the age gap is just too great to be bridged. It's fun at the time when you get together with someone so on your wavelength that it just clicks and works. But that is just a snapshot in time, living in the moment.

 

But eventually the age difference becomes tired. And usually doesn't work.

[seboy]

What age gap is too much?

 

I'm contemplating dating a younger woman. I'm 40 she is 25. We seem to get along well. I have 2 kids and in a midst of an adversarial divorce. She is single and is very mature for her age.

[Lucky_One]

One big issue with younger women is children. You are already 40. Let's say that you marry this girl in, say, 3 years. You will be 43. After a year, she says she would like to try for a baby. She gets pregnant, and when you are 45, she has a baby. She doesn't want that baby to be an only child, so you have a second one at age 47. By then, your first two children are probably in college and out of the nest, and you are still dealing with potty training.

[Waitress]

Thanks guys. It's an older woman/younger guy scenario in this case. I never would have thought I'd fall for a much younger man. In fact, I generally prefer someone my age or older.

 

It's just in the thinking about it stage right now as we get closer and attraction, trust and emotional intimacy are building.

 

I do think anything is possible. It doesn't seem out of the question. Some of the best, happiest relationships I've seen have been with older women/younger men.

 

Will just have to see.

 

Thanks again.

[justforfun]

No.

 

Take a snapshot of now and it works. I can almost guarantee it won't work in the future.

 

If the most successful relationships you see are with older/younger I would suggest that you are seeing what you want to see (not meant to sound mean).

 

That absolutely isn't the case. The ones you are seeing are the successful ones. Your not seeing the countless ones that haven't worked.

 

 

Thanks guys. It's an older woman/younger guy scenario in this case. I never would have thought I'd fall for a much younger man. In fact, I generally prefer someone my age or older.

 

It's just in the thinking about it stage right now as we get closer and attraction, trust and emotional intimacy are building.

 

I do think anything is possible. It doesn't seem out of the question. Some of the best, happiest relationships I've seen have been with older women/younger men.

 

Will just have to see.

 

Thanks again.

[Waitress]

I don't think you're being mean at all. Just trying to be realistic. And you might very well be right. Or you might be wrong.

 

It seems that success of any type in relationships is a rarity and a blessing these days.

 

Don't worry though, I do have a good head on my shoulders.

 

 

 

No.

 

Take a snapshot of now and it works. I can almost guarantee it won't work in the future.

 

If the most successful relationships you see are with older/younger I would suggest that you are seeing what you want to see (not meant to sound mean).

 

That absolutely isn't the case. The ones you are seeing are the successful ones. Your not seeing the countless ones that haven't worked.

[GorillaTheater]

I don't think you're being mean at all. Just trying to be realistic. And you might very well be right. Or you might be wrong.

 

It seems that success of any type in relationships is a rarity and a blessing these days.

 

Don't worry though, I do have a good head on my shoulders.

 

There is something to be said for the "enjoying it while it lasts" approach. If that's your outlook, go for it and have fun!

[melodymatters]

Well, My husband was 18 yrs younger than I, and I previously only dated guys my on age or older.

 

We just clicked, and loved in the same way. Now I can't answer for the long term, unfortunately because my husband developed a seizure disorder and died before his 25th b-day

 

He was very mature, grounded, didn't like drama filled, "twitty little girls" as he called them. He hated bars, and LOVED being married. So we were on the same page there.

 

He also did not want children due to his health issues, and being around too many ill conceived, ill behaved neices and nephews, which could have been our only problem. ( I wouldn't have gone father with him, if i felt like I was depriving him of a life long dream or something)

 

Now, like I said, I can't guarantee it would have lasted forvever, but he was a very loyal, family oriented, shy guy, and I was mature enough to appreciate all his good qualities, which I would have overlooked in my 20's.

 

I think if you can be strong in your differences, it can bring you closer together ! You have to really mean it to buck societies judgements,: ie, race, age, gay etc....

[justforfun]

I don't think you're being mean at all. Just trying to be realistic. And you might very well be right. Or you might be wrong.

 

It seems that success of any type in relationships is a rarity and a blessing these days.

Don't worry though, I do have a good head on my shoulders.

 

But even more rare in these cases. Honestly, I wouldn't recommend you get into this. But I think you may feel that you are involved already. If you can back away then do. Run for the hills, or for someone closer to your age.

 

Age is NOT just a number.

[justforfun]

Well, My husband was 18 yrs younger than I, and I previously only dated guys my on age or older.

 

We just clicked, and loved in the same way. Now I can't answer for the long term, unfortunately because my husband developed a seizure disorder and died before his 25th b-day

 

I think if you can be strong in your differences, it can bring you closer together ! You have to really mean it to buck societies judgements,: ie, race, age, gay etc....

 

First I have to say that I'm really sorry for your loss.

 

To address some of your post. I don't think the OP is concerned with societies judgment. I may be wrong but it seems that she is concerned as to whether these relationships can work long term.

[Lizzie60]

I know, although not personally, some couples, in Quebec... I'm thinking Ginette Reno (singer).. she's been with a younger man for years now.. Janette Bertrand.. she's been with a guy who is 20 years younger for over 20 years now.. (maybe more). There are other couples (Demi Moore, Melanie Griffith... etc).

 

I think it can work... but the guy is usually very mature.. the woman looks younger for her age. I don't think it would work if it's not like that.

 

My young MM is 31 years younger.. and he adores me. (we've been together for 4-5 years now)... he's 26. I know this is 'extreme'.. but we have so much fun together.. I honestly don't 'feel' the age gap that much. He's awesome.

 

My last ex was 12 1/2 years younger.. we almost got married (lived common-law for 5 years)...

 

It is possible.. of course.. everything is possible..

[Lizzie60]

I should add.. if you're concerned about 'long-term'.. then don,t worry about it.. same-age relationship are not 'long-term' anyway... so just enjoy yourself..

[justforfun]

I know, although not personally, some couples, in Quebec... I'm thinking Ginette Reno (singer).. she's been with a younger man for years now.. Janette Bertrand.. she's been with a guy who is 20 years younger for over 20 years now.. (maybe more). There are other couples (Demi Moore, Melanie Griffith... etc).

 

I don't think you can use celebrity couples as good examples.

 

I think it can work... but the guy is usually very mature.. the woman looks younger for her age. I don't think it would work if it's not like that.

Why????

 

My young MM is 31 years younger.. and he adores me. (we've been together for 4-5 years now)... he's 26. I know this is 'extreme'.. but we have so much fun together.. I honestly don't 'feel' the age gap that much. He's awesome.

An affair is so totally different from a real relationship that again I don't see where the comparison is.

 

My last ex was 12 1/2 years younger.. we almost got married (lived common-law for 5 years)...

 

Again that's very different to 20 years and 5 years isn't very long. Hardly long enough for the age difference to really cause problems.

It is possible.. of course.. everything is possible..

 

Absolutely possible I agree. But the OP asked if anyone knew of any of these relationships that worked out.

[justforfun]

I should add.. if you're concerned about 'long-term'.. then don,t worry about it.. same-age relationship are not 'long-term' anyway... so just enjoy yourself..

 

I'm not sure that is good advice.

[RedDevil66]

I was 35 and met a guy 12 yrs younger. We dated for 2 yrs. The age was ALWAYS the pink elephant in the room.

When I would hang with his friends, their gf's would talk about "like clothes, totally and like totally did you see Samantha with like Tony and like Tony is like totally rad"

So no, it never worked for me, It filled 2 yr of my life out of loneliness.

 

I like men older than me, I'm 43 now

[Waitress]

 

I think it can work... but the guy is usually very mature.. the woman looks younger for her age. I don't think it would work if it's not like that.

 

It is possible.. of course.. everything is possible..

 

 

I should add.. if you're concerned about 'long-term'.. then don,t worry about it.. same-age relationship are not 'long-term' anyway... so just enjoy yourself..

 

Thanks Lizzie and everyone for the responses.

 

What I bolded above - that's the case here.

 

I think it's possible because, well, anything is possible. And I've had so many relationships with people closer to my age that did not work. So, yes, I want to enjoy myself.

 

It's ironic actually. I specifically wanted someone my age or older. But sometimes you don't know what you really want until it's right in front of you. And in this case it took me by surprise.

[Lucky_One]

I don't think that it would work for me, or for the majority of my female friends. We all, as we have started aging, worry about our bodies, our faces, our hair color, our sags, our bags. And it can be pretty hard for a lot of women to face the inevitable aging process that happens to our bodes (yes, yes, we know, Lizzie, to everyone but you, you continually tell us about your fab body), when you look around at some point and see that your lover/BF/H's peer group is 20 years younger than you are with taut bodies and unlined faces. That is a lot of pressure to handle, especially as you get to that menopausal age, with the vaginal thinning, lack of lubrication, and loss of libido that is so common to so many women.

 

The difference between the average 50 year old body and the 30 year old body is amazing; things just move and change, regardless of the exercise you do.

[Waitress]

I don't think that it would work for me, or for the majority of my female friends. We all, as we have started aging, worry about our bodies, our faces, our hair color, our sags, our bags. And it can be pretty hard for a lot of women to face the inevitable aging process that happens to our bodes (yes, yes, we know, Lizzie, to everyone but you, you continually tell us about your fab body), when you look around at some point and see that your lover/BF/H's peer group is 20 years younger than you are with taut bodies and unlined faces. That is a lot of pressure to handle, especially as you get to that menopausal age, with the vaginal thinning, lack of lubrication, and loss of libido that is so common to so many women.

 

The difference between the average 50 year old body and the 30 year old body is amazing; things just move and change, regardless of the exercise you do.

 

Honestly, I think you underestimate the fact that a lot of men want to be with someone they can love and who will love them back. Someone who gets them, accepts them, has similar interests.

 

I guess I'm at an advantage because I never had a taut, hot bod so I don't really feel like I've lost anything.

 

I hear women talk about competing for men but I don't do that.

 

One thing I know for me is that men have been attracted to me for my personality, intelligence, energy, spark and I'm not bad to look at I've been told.

 

Our faces and bodies may change but any man worth his salt is attracted to the whole package, not just firm skin. Most men I've known really don't care about anything but sharing a pleasant relationship with a good woman.

 

I don't know how things will progress with this guy. But I do know that I have a lot to offer any man. And I'd wager you do, too.

 

Stop worrying so much and enjoy your life. THAT will attract a lot of men.

[justforfun]

Our faces and bodies may change but any man worth his salt is attracted to the whole package, not just firm skin. Most men I've known really don't care about anything but sharing a pleasant relationship with a good woman.

 

I disagree. Physical attraction is a huge part of a relationship and cannot be dismissed. And if he's attracted to the whole package then physical attraction is part of that package. What you're saying is that he should be willing to forgo the loose skin and look at the rest of the package. That's not a whole package, that's selling yourself short.

 

Wait until he is waking up next to a woman that looks and is so old compared to him. He'll soon start rethinking the relationship. Wait until he realizes he's lost so many years with this old woman and wants to get out. The breaking point seems to be after 5 years.

 

Not being mean, just being what I see as realistic.

[Lizzie60]

I agree with Waitress. there are lots of young men out there who are tired of the 'drama princesses' .. they want a real woman, who can pull her weight, who is well grounded.. who knows what she wants... who can have a mature, intelligent conversation... (should I go on..)...

 

I can still compete with many younger women.. that I KNOW.. and I am constantly told by my lovers.. I have absolutely no fear on that side.

 

For those who say that 'physical' attraction is 'important' and that if he sees a much attractive woman, he'll drop her.. my response to that is:

 

'what about the not-so-attractive females' out there who are in a relationship.. with lots of attractive females are around.. the risks are the same.' there are tons of overweight women who have relationships.. so.. obviously 'bodies' are not the essential part ALL the time. I think intelligence and confidence is sexier than any 'body'... but if you have both.. WOW.. sky's the limit..

 

Waitress... enjoy yourself..

[Lucky_One]

Honestly, I think you underestimate the fact that a lot of men want to be with someone they can love and who will love them back. Someone who gets them, accepts them, has similar interests.

 

I guess I'm at an advantage because I never had a taut, hot bod so I don't really feel like I've lost anything.

 

I hear women talk about competing for men but I don't do that.

 

One thing I know for me is that men have been attracted to me for my personality, intelligence, energy, spark and I'm not bad to look at I've been told.

 

Our faces and bodies may change but any man worth his salt is attracted to the whole package, not just firm skin. Most men I've known really don't care about anything but sharing a pleasant relationship with a good woman.

 

I don't know how things will progress with this guy. But I do know that I have a lot to offer any man. And I'd wager you do, too.

 

Stop worrying so much and enjoy your life. THAT will attract a lot of men.

 

Thanks for the important message about loving yourself and the vast importance of having a partner who loves you for yourself, but honestly, I do. I have a great BF of almost 2 years, we have a timeline of getting married in 2 years, and I am happy and healthy and very much in love.

 

But it doesn't mean that nearly every woman I know gets caught up in societal messages about the importance of youth and of looking young. Demi Moore may be with a cute young thing, but she doesn't look shabby herself - and don't think that it doesn't take tons of work and time and dedication AND money!

 

The day will come when you are out in public and someone will think that you are his mother - which would be hard hard hard to take, regardless of your self-esteem. And there won't be a whole lot you can do about it - because you ARE old enough to be his mother and you will look it.

 

Like I said, I only know of one "successful" May-December romance (most broke up in the first 2 years), and he is 75, and she is 57; he is my mother's older brother. She looks fantastic, but their social life is pretty much curtailed due to his knee issues. He needs two knee replacements, but is scared to death to get them. So traveling is out, along with a host of other things. She really no longer has a life partner - she has a man she loves devotedly, but she now is a caretaker and does the vast majority of chores alone. No children. As I said, she loves him, but she is also not happy.

[justforfun]

 

I can still compete with many younger women.. that I KNOW.. and I am constantly told by my lovers..

 

That would be the case since they are just sleeping with you. But when they have to actually be in a relationship with you then it's a very different story.