dreamergrl Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Dreamergrl. I'm from an Asian background and we value family a lot... I am starting to think why there's such a high divorce rate here. I sure hope later on in marriage that if YOUR parents were sick and needs caring that your husband would be kind enough to let you take care of your parents or have them live in your house to be taken care of. I hope your husband would not divorce you because he wants "privacy" -Pizzaman OP is not married. Op hasn't ever lived without his parents (at 38). OP doesn't want to do anything to better himself. So how does this pertain to the topic? Btw... OP never claimed he was taking care of his parents. He said he lives with them so he's not alone. Betamanlet is the one who said it. Get it straight if you want to try to make a slam at someone. Dude you gotta stop dating Dreamergrl He wouldn't have a chance with me. And it's not because of his height
betamanlet Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Well, considering that his SECOND wife married him in 1995 AFTER his tracheotomy and that HE was the one who filed for divorce from her in 2005, it would appear that she wasn't put off by his physical frailties. Nice attempt, though, to run the rabbit off the path. Why don't you let the OP post on his own threads, rather than attempt to be his voice synthesizer? His first wife divorced him becaues he was too much work for hi m. His second wife was his nurse, who left her husband fo rhim, and her husband was the guy who made the speech software for Hawking. It was reported that she was emotionally and physically abusive to Hawking. Maybe that's the reason why he divorced her? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1531891/Hawking-and-second-wife-agree-to-divorce.html
Lucky_One Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Can you sign the OP back in? I would rather talk about HIS thread with HIM.
betamanlet Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Can you sign the OP back in? I would rather talk about HIS thread with HIM. Anything else you'd like to accuse me of? I must be everyone!
Author virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 OP is not married. Op hasn't ever lived without his parents (at 38). OP doesn't want to do anything to better himself. So how does this pertain to the topic? Btw... OP never claimed he was taking care of his parents. He said he lives with them so he's not alone. Betamanlet is the one who said it. Get it straight if you want to try to make a slam at someone. He wouldn't have a chance with me. And it's not because of his height Let me set the record straight: 1) I'm not betamanlet. You can check IP addreses and find out we live 100s of miles apart. I know him for years from other forums that I frequent. I post on about 150 different forums ranging from Fords to Italian cooking, so I have a bunch of online ghosts that I talk to. 2) I was brought up to live with your parents until you meet a nice girl an marry her. It was ingrained that moving away is the worst thing you can do, so is travel or leaving home. Many old world cultures believe this way. I never drank alcohol until a few months ago, so you see I'm not typical. Maybe I drank my parents' cool aid, but that is my lifestyle now. They accept gay lifestyles, so a woman with an open mind should accept mine. 3) My parents aren't disabled, they are just f*$ed in the head. I don't want to get into details, but my mom did have a say at one time in my dating life. 4) I don't really have to work, because I made money in business at one time. Maybe I had more confidence then, but any vestige of that is now gone. I always say if I had it to do over I would have concentrated on socializing back then, but somehow I couldn't do it then or now. 5) If I WANTED to live on my own, I probably could. Do you think its a good idea for someone like me though? Hell, I know guys who aren't single more than a few weeks. They have girls necking them and f$%$ing them all the time. They have friends, parties and a social life. If I lived alone I would probably end up an depressed alcoholic. 6) I don't think its right to have sex before marriage, and I did meet girls that understood that. So where I live isn't an issue with that either. Also, I can always go to "her" place, no?
Lucky_One Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Let me set the record straight: 1) I'm not betamanlet. You can check IP addreses and find out we live 100s of miles apart. I know him for years from other forums that I frequent. I post on about 150 different forums ranging from Fords to Italian cooking, so I have a bunch of online ghosts that I talk to. I can't check IP addresses on posts, and having that many online forums is a troubling thing, IMO. 2) I was brought up to live with your parents until you meet a nice girl an marry her. It was ingrained that moving away is the worst thing you can do, so is travel or leaving home. Many old world cultures believe this way. I never drank alcohol until a few months ago, so you see I'm not typical. Maybe I drank my parents' cool aid, but that is my lifestyle now. They accept gay lifestyles, so a woman with an open mind should accept mine. Since you have suddenly changed your mind on alcohol, then you can suddenly change your mind on moving out. You can always wait until you marry a nice girl to move out, but you are not going to meet a nice girl with the things you do now. 3) My parents aren't disabled, they are just f*$ed in the head. I don't want to get into details, but my mom did have a say at one time in my dating life. An even better reason to move out. They are capable of caring for themselves. You, as well, are capable of taking care of yourself. 4) I don't really have to work, because I made money in business at one time. Maybe I had more confidence then, but any vestige of that is now gone. I always say if I had it to do over I would have concentrated on socializing back then, but somehow I couldn't do it then or now. So you are independently wealthy, or do they pay for your living expenses? Are you capable of paying your own bills as it stands now? 5) If I WANTED to live on my own, I probably could. Do you think its a good idea for someone like me though? Hell, I know guys who aren't single more than a few weeks. They have girls necking them and f$%$ing them all the time. They have friends, parties and a social life. If I lived alone I would probably end up an depressed alcoholic. Yes, I think it's a good idea to live on your own. If you know guys who have social lives, then why don't you go out with them, instead of sitting at home or being online? 6) I don't think its right to have sex before marriage, and I did meet girls that understood that. So where I live isn't an issue with that either. Also, I can always go to "her" place, no? Yes, you could always go to a girl's place. Yes, you don't have to have sex before marriage. But it IS helpful to date prior to marriage Welcome back to your own thread.
Author virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Welcome back to your own thread. I have to check my other boards at eat too
Author virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 I can pay my own bills, that is not the point. I'm pretty independent. I can fix washing machines, cars, install anything, etc. However, I don't like living alone. Give me a nice girl and I'll go. Except for all the dating protocol which is impossible for me to deal with I may be ok.
Lucky_One Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 You've never lived alone - how do you know if you like it or not?
Ms. Joolie Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Maybe I drank my parents' cool aid, but that is my lifestyle now. They accept gay lifestyles, so a woman with an open mind should accept mine. wait... you are attracted to both men and women then? Serious question. In regard to the topic, if you live at home, more power to you. You will weed out the superficial women, and only those really interested in YOU won't mind. The right woman will understand you, and will understand that you see no reason to move out right now, will understand that you will do so once you are really committed to a relationship. Although I do think that if you are ready to consider a real relationship, it would do you good to keep your own house.... be master of your own house for a while, you know? Show that you CAN manage yourself. That is, if you've never had your own place before. If you have already had your own place before, and you just moved back as an adult because that is what you wanted right now, then that is different.
dreamergrl Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 One should definitely have lived alone and be able to handle being with just yourself before entering into a relationship.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 One should definitely have lived alone and be able to handle being with just yourself before entering into a relationship. That is definetely NOT a criteria. Please explain how living ALONE prepares you for a relationship where you have another person in your life then you end up LIVING TOGETHER? Please tell me. This man is financially independent, can fix stuff, is intelligent, probably a nice guy. Would you want a person with those attributes? How does not living ALONE show that you will be good with another person? Is he relying on his parents?! NO. He should be more worried about other women relying on him, in which case he is WELL prepared. -Pizzaman
Pizzaman81 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 And to the OP, I read your other post about being a virgin. It really has nothing to do with your parents living with you. You seem to have other confidence issues that needs to be resolved. So don't let your living situation bog you down. -Pizzaman
jw90063 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I honestly think if a 38 year old man has never lived alone or at least with someone else besides parents, that is really questionable. I would think at least sometime between 18 years old and 35 you might have lived somewhere else besides at home.
Lucky_One Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 This man is financially independent, can fix stuff, is intelligent, probably a nice guy. To be honest, I don't know how much he is supporting himself. He says he "can" pay his own bills, not that he DOES. He says that he doesn't really have to work, that he made money in business at one time. To be 38 and to have made enough to invest and live reasonably would be a sizeable business windfall. On the most basic computing terms, $1,000,000 invested at 5% rate of return (no taxes imputed, no inflation inputed) would yield $50,000 a year - enough for a modest lifestyle (which OP does appear to have). That also takes into considerate a no-loss in the past two years (which isn't really feasible, considering the severity of the market downturn across the board). Anyway, whether he is loaded or not, he lacks any sort of desire to change his lifestyle, sp this is all a purely rhetorical discussion.
jw90063 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 If you are nearly 40 years old and still in such a predicament, I would say you are not trying hard enough and do not want it bad enough. Also, indicates many other issues. I think the OP has a SERIOUS problem and needs major professional help asap. Good luck
Author virgin Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 To be honest, I don't know how much he is supporting himself. He says he "can" pay his own bills, not that he DOES. He says that he doesn't really have to work, that he made money in business at one time. To be 38 and to have made enough to invest and live reasonably would be a sizeable business windfall. On the most basic computing terms, $1,000,000 invested at 5% rate of return (no taxes imputed, no inflation inputed) would yield $50,000 a year - enough for a modest lifestyle (which OP does appear to have). That also takes into considerate a no-loss in the past two years (which isn't really feasible, considering the severity of the market downturn across the board). Anyway, whether he is loaded or not, he lacks any sort of desire to change his lifestyle, sp this is all a purely rhetorical discussion. I'm far from loaded, I'm just very industrious with things. I don't drive new cars, so I can buy something very inexpensive and keep it going for years with cheap parts. I don't pay professionals for anything, everything is DIY. I do believe in coupon clipping/sales etc. I don't eat out much, I usually do my own cooking. Yes, I'm frugal. I don't really travel or own fancy things. Also, I'm sharing utilities here, so my monthly expenses are relatively low. Honestly, why do I need more? I have no one to impress. If I wasn't so depressed over my situation I could probably get a job and make money, but I was out of work quite a while.
tami-chan Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Dreamergrl. I'm from an Asian background and we value family a lot... I am starting to think why there's such a high divorce rate here. I sure hope later on in marriage that if YOUR parents were sick and needs caring that your husband would be kind enough to let you take care of your parents or have them live in your house to be taken care of. I hope your husband would not divorce you because he wants "privacy" -Pizzaman I am from a Japanese background...the man that I will be with will have to understand that if my parents need taking care of, I will take care of them in my house...of course I am the youngest and the oldest sibling has that responsibility but all of us children have assured my parents that they can live with whomever they feel comfortable living with when the time comes- even though they can afford to be in a nursing home, that is just unheard of for us. So I agree with Pizzaman, if OP has no reason why he is living with his parents...then he needs to leave...but if it is to help them, why not?
dreamergrl Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 That is definetely NOT a criteria. Please explain how living ALONE prepares you for a relationship where you have another person in your life then you end up LIVING TOGETHER? Please tell me. This man is financially independent, can fix stuff, is intelligent, probably a nice guy. Would you want a person with those attributes? How does not living ALONE show that you will be good with another person? Is he relying on his parents?! NO. He should be more worried about other women relying on him, in which case he is WELL prepared. -Pizzaman I am from a Japanese background...the man that I will be with will have to understand that if my parents need taking care of, I will take care of them in my house...of course I am the youngest and the oldest sibling has that responsibility but all of us children have assured my parents that they can live with whomever they feel comfortable living with when the time comes- even though they can afford to be in a nursing home, that is just unheard of for us. So I agree with Pizzaman, if OP has no reason why he is living with his parents...then he needs to leave...but if it is to help them, why not? It would be easier to understand why if OP has ever lived on his own. But living with your parents because you feel lonely shows he's not okay with himself enough to live on his own. So if you can't be okay with yourself on your own, how are you going to be able to mentally and emotionally be there for yourself and your partner? Also the statement was pretty much that his parents are 'crazy'. If there is something wrong with them mentally, and OP has some mental issues, where would his parents best be suited? And how will OP ever overcome some of his issues if he doesn't step outside into the world and make some changes?
RedDevil66 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 this topic always gets much attention. I'm 43 and have lived on my own a long time, and I would not for one second consider dating a man who lived with his parents. If I were not independent and needy, then maybe, but since I am seriously independent, this would be a total turn off. It's not shallow by ANY means to not want to date a man who's never lived alone. I would not want to be anyone's mother and if a guy at 38 is still living with his parents, he has NO concept AT ALL of adult life
bob1212 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 He needs to learn how to cook, clean, iron, etc. A man who lives with his parents probably has that done by his mother. You think a woman wants to waste her time discovering whether he's a mamas boy or not or if he can even take care of himself? Not necessarily true at all. It depends on the guy, whether he's ever lived away from home, and his reason for living with his parents. It can be as simple as the choice between working 60+ hours a week, and having your job be your life, or working part time and saving money by staying with the "rents". And, with free time, one is much more likely to cook and clean, than when one is at work all day and night. 2 cents.
SweetyBear Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I can't figure out whether the OP is for real or not, but I'll weigh in with my two cents on the topic anyway. My son was just a week old when I had to leave my ex-husband due to him doing drugs and became totally dependent on my parents until I could start working again. I also have a daughter who is only about fifteen months older than my son. I lived with my parents for years. We split expenses and it gave me a chance to grow professionally into a job where I was able to support my children on my own. We have been on our own for a while now, but it would be kind of hypocritical of me to not understand a man in a similar situation. My boyfriend now is a police officer and his hours can be crazy and unpredictable. He is a single dad and he moved in with his son to his parents' home about three years ago. It was not only to save money, but also to help him with his son. When he first told me about living with his parents, I could tell it embarrassed him even with him knowing that I had lived with my parents for a significant amount of time. I do believe it's a double standard. Now, the OP seems to maybe have a lot of issues other than living with his parents which may be the major turnoff, but it's not fair to assume that every man who has an arrangement like this is a loser or needs to be doing better in order to be in a relationship with him. My boyfriend is a very hard worker, a good father, an honest and loyal person and just has a good character all around. He has all the qualities I want in a man. He and I were broken up for a while which had nothing to do with this issue. There were some guys on this board who set me straight. It is about appreciating and loving who you're with and then dealing with the temporary situations that come your way together. Living where you do is a temporary situation in most cases, not having all the time in the world together is a temporary situation. I have been very guilty in the past of taking a temporary situation, projecting it into the future and asking if I could live this way FOREVER. Not really fair, is it?
SweetyBear Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I read back over my reply... Before anyone jumps all over it, I am not saying that I wouldn't be willing to permanently deal with a situation either. I'm just saying most situations (or at least living arrangements) are temporary. If my boyfriend ended up hurt on the job or anything else that would be life-altering and permanent, I would not bail on him. I just didn't want anyone to think that's what I meant since none of you know me and can only read what I write. Can you tell I've been misunderstood before?
dreamergrl Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 You can't compare moving back in with parents to have been living with your parents for 38 years. OP has never experienced having to deal with life on his own. You can't go through your whole life having someone to hold your hand. Even if there's this or that you do for yourself, it's not like living on your own. When you are by yourself, you are the only one who is responsible for your life.
Midnight Rider Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 You can't compare moving back in with parents to have been living with your parents for 38 years. OP has never experienced having to deal with life on his own. You can't go through your whole life having someone to hold your hand. Even if there's this or that you do for yourself, it's not like living on your own. When you are by yourself, you are the only one who is responsible for your life. That's a good point.
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