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missed calls


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Posted

I ended things with my bf a few days ago. Now whether or not I should call him a bf, I have no idea, there seems to be many rules on that sort of thing. There was no "exclusive" talk and as far as I knew he wasn't dating anyone else. Now, I really, really liked him and was doing my best to open up more and be less reserved but kept hitting a wall with him. I am ready to open my heart to the right man but I do know that he had many trust issues from past relationships and was afraid of getting hurt again. It felt as though I wasn't getting anywhere.

 

He had called last night, late, 4 times, I was in bed sleeping. I do not have a message service so have no idea what he wanted to talk about. Should I wait for him to try calling again or should I take the initiative, call him and ask what he wanted?

Posted

I hate to say this, but it sounds like a booty call to me.

 

I could be wrong, but anytime I've gotten late night calls like that it was for one thing and one thing only.

 

I suppose it's possible that he has unresolved issues he wants to talk to you about. If that's the case, he will need to call back at a respectable hour.

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Posted

But, I had ended it with him a few days ago, would guys really call for a booty call even after they were dumped? I'm hoping its unresolved issues. Darn curious and very tempted to call him right now! But, if it was about a booty call, that's just plain wrong, lol.

Posted

It could very well be unresolved issues, too. I just think that if that's the case, he should and will eventually call at a decent hour, since it's really hard to take a late night call like that seriously.

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Posted

Yeah, I have to agree with that. Whenever I have missed calls on my phone though, from whoever, I always have the decency to call them back. But, considering the late hour of those calls, he could have just had a few and maybe had a few nasty things to say to me, who knows. It's the not knowing that bothers me. If I were to call him, I'd have my answer instead of it going round and round in my mind. But, I don't want to look like a fool either. Knowing me though, I'll call him but am here looking for reasons to not call him.

Posted
I hate to say this, but it sounds like a booty call to me.

 

I could be wrong, but anytime I've gotten late night calls like that it was for one thing and one thing only.

 

I suppose it's possible that he has unresolved issues he wants to talk to you about. If that's the case, he will need to call back at a respectable hour.

 

Guys don't call 4 times for a booty call.

Posted
I ended things with my bf a few days ago. Now whether or not I should call him a bf, I have no idea, there seems to be many rules on that sort of thing. There was no "exclusive" talk and as far as I knew he wasn't dating anyone else. Now, I really, really liked him and was doing my best to open up more and be less reserved but kept hitting a wall with him. I am ready to open my heart to the right man but I do know that he had many trust issues from past relationships and was afraid of getting hurt again. It felt as though I wasn't getting anywhere.

 

He had called last night, late, 4 times, I was in bed sleeping. I do not have a message service so have no idea what he wanted to talk about. Should I wait for him to try calling again or should I take the initiative, call him and ask what he wanted?

 

I'm guessing he wouldn't commit when you wanted him to, so you 'ending' whatever it is you had with him is your ultimatum to get exclusive or get lost. You are obviously still curious about him, which means you still like him wether you'd admit it or not. Thing is, ultimatums don't work. And instead of being sensitive to the fact that he's been hurt in the past, and respecting that he wants to move slower than you - you assume he's just using you for sex and gave him an ultimatum to see if he really likes you or not. That about right?

 

Do this guy a favor and drop him so he can find someone else more patient and mature.

  • Author
Posted (edited)

I was very patient with him. As for not admitting that I like him, I did admit to it at the beginning of my post. Yes, I do still like him. We could have had something special but he was a closed book in certain areas, which in turn, made it feel as though feelings weren't being reciprocated. As for dropping him to do him the favour I look at it more as doing me the favour. I have read on here many, many times that a man would do anything for the woman he wants to be with and to not settle for anything less. I am emotionally ready, he is not, and if he wasn't going to get his thumb out and do something about us, how long does one wait?

Edited by hopesndreams
Posted (edited)
I was very patient with him. As for not admitting that I like him, I did admit to it at the beginning of my post. Yes, I do still like him. We could have had something special but he was a closed book in certain areas, which in turn, made it feel as though feelings weren't being reciprocated. As for dropping him to do him the favour I look at it more as doing me the favour. I have read on here many, many times that a man would do anything for the woman he loves and to not settle for anything less. I am emotionally ready, he is not, and if he wasn't going to get his thumb out and do something about us, how long does one wait?

 

Are you on the prowl for a husband or something, what's the rush? Have you been waiting years on him? This is not about him. This is about you. As for this being a favor to you, ok, whatever, how ever you need to spin it...

 

It seems like you want to paint this picture to look like it's his loss for not commiting to you. Based on YOUR logic that a guy doesn't hesitate with a girl he loves; sure, that means whatever he needs, you don't have it to offer, and that's why he hasn't commited to you.

 

You want him to have the same emotional attachment you do, before he's ready to have it.

 

No matter how you spin it, you have the same end result. He needs a girl who's willing to give it time. You need a guy who gets emotionally attached easily. Meaning: seperation.

Edited by TheLoneSock
typo
  • Author
Posted
Are you on the prowl for a husband or something, what's the rush? Have you been waiting years on him? This is not about him. This is about you. As for this being a favor to you, ok, whatever, how ever you need to spin it...

 

It seems like you want to paint this picture to look like it's his loss for not commiting to you. Based on YOUR logic that a guy doesn't hesitate with a girl he loves; sure, that means whatever he needs, you don't have it to offer, and that's why he hasn't commited to you.

 

That's what I was looking for. Thanks.

Posted
TheLoneSock: It seems like you want to paint this picture to look like it's his loss for not commiting to you. Based on YOUR logic that a guy doesn't hesitate with a girl he loves; sure, that means whatever he needs, you don't have it to offer, and that's why he hasn't commited to you.

 

That's what I was looking for. Thanks.

 

This is based on YOUR logic, it's not my opinion - I just told you what you wanted to hear. Did you just sift through with selective hearing, looking for something you could take and run with (what you bolded out)? This is what you were thinking all along anyway, you had already made your own conclusion.

  • Author
Posted
This is based on YOUR logic, it's not my opinion - I just told you what you wanted to hear. Did you just sift through with selective hearing, looking for something you could take and run with (what you bolded out)? This is what you were thinking all along anyway, you had already made your own conclusion.

 

Yikes, I read what you had to say all wrong! You are dead on though. That is my way of thinking. I should call him, find out why he had called last nite, be a grown up about this.

Posted
Yikes, I read what you had to say all wrong! You are dead on though. That is my way of thinking. I should call him, find out why he had called last nite, be a grown up about this.

 

Right on, good luck.

  • Author
Posted

Got his answering machine and started shaking listening to his voice, so chickened out and didn't leave a message.

Posted
Got his answering machine and started shaking listening to his voice, so chickened out and didn't leave a message.

 

That's ok, don't sweat over it. He'll know you called, he can see it. All that will matter to him is that you are acknowledging him in some way. A message would have been more concrete about your intentions, but if it wasn't in you, it wasn't in you.

 

This will give you time to relax and rethink what it is you want to say. Just don't get caught up in the phone tag and who's going to be the one to call who games - that will only cloud the issue.

 

Take it easy from here out.

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