boogieboy Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 For men it's so often about competition or landing a prize that they think they "deserve" because society tells them that they do. Some women do the same thing. Societies standard for female beauty in reality is a woman who is a pain in the ass and high emotional baggage. Average guys dont know how to get this kind of woman. They are happy with an average woman who is low maintenance and fun to be with.
threebyfate Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 shadow, spend less time pointing fingers at the rest of the world for their wrongs in not accepting your personality type or looks with open arms and spend more time on deciding what you really want in a man and finding a way to get what you want, within ethical boundaries of behaviour. Overall, I would say this is good, generalized advice for A LOT of the population.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 shadow, spend less time pointing fingers at the rest of the world for their wrongs in not accepting your personality type or looks with open arms and spend more time on deciding what you really want in a man and finding a way to get what you want, within ethical boundaries of behaviour. Overall, I would say this is good, generalized advice for A LOT of the population. I think that's good advice, but I just don't know how to go about getting the kind of guy I want. I worry that it's not in my control because there are inherent thing about me that can't be changed.
threebyfate Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 The first thing to do, is to stop comparing yourself to others and feeling down about the differences or focusing on negative aspects of either party, yourself or others. "What has she got that I don't?" appears to be a substantial component of your personality. Start focusing on the positive aspects of your personality and what you have to offer. You're attractive, intelligent and can be very insightful, when you stop focusing on negatives. Play to your strengths. Then look at what you want. Is what you want reasonable? If so, look for the guy who willingly brings what he has to offer, to the table. Don't settle for the half-arsed man, particularly the emotionally unavailable types. The competitive side that you view other women with, is the other side of the coin, when looking for partners. The impression I get is "I can get him if I try a little harder" or "he's above me or thinks he is", etc. Remember, both you and any potential partner, are auditioning for the part of "partner".
boogieboy Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I think that's good advice, but I just don't know how to go about getting the kind of guy I want. I worry that it's not in my control because there are inherent thing about me that can't be changed. Theres nothing wrong with you physically, you just wont make moves because youre afraid of rejection. Whether you want to deal with it or not, you will have to be more aggressive if you want to get what you want. You will have to risk getting rejected and deal with it. Thats the only way. If youre not ready to do that, then you will have to stay alone until someone comes to you. Based on what youve said, that will take a while.
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I truly believe that guys are mostly influenced by each other and society's standards in what they find attractive. The fact that beauty ideals change so dramatically from culture to culture suggests that an average individual's perception of beauty is mostly culturally defined -- not innate. (Of course the cultural differences are fading somewhat as Western culture becomes more widespread.) For men it's so often about competition or landing a prize that they think they "deserve" because society tells them that they do. I see where you are coming from and of course I am no expert but I have seen a couple of documentaries on attractiveness and it is not culture that influences, it is embedded in our brains. They did studies that show that little babies were more focused/interested in attractive/symmetrical faces. It takes the human mind less than a second to determine if someone else is possibly attractive. So if someone doesn't pass that initial test of attractiveness then most men/women won't be interested even if the personality is great.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 The first thing to do, is to stop comparing yourself to others and feeling down about the differences or focusing on negative aspects of either party, yourself or others. "What has she got that I don't?" appears to be a substantial component of your personality. Start focusing on the positive aspects of your personality and what you have to offer. You're attractive, intelligent and can be very insightful, when you stop focusing on negatives. Play to your strengths. Then look at what you want. Is what you want reasonable? If so, look for the guy who willingly brings what he has to offer, to the table. Don't settle for the half-arsed man, particularly the emotionally unavailable types. The competitive side that you view other women with, is the other side of the coin, when looking for partners. The impression I get is "I can get him if I try a little harder" or "he's above me or thinks he is", etc. Remember, both you and any potential partner, are auditioning for the part of "partner". Thanks for the compliment and advice. I think you're right...
virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I'm not really superficial, I don't mind if a woman is overweight but TRIES to lose weight (e.g. reasonable portions, exercise etc). I'm very attracted to a woman's mind and character, however.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I am actually a little superficial. I like a woman who knows how to dress herself properly to events and to outtings. I like a woman who doesn't always buy lots of cheap clothing, but rather selectively buy good quality clothing. I like a woman who can carry self image and bring it up a level. Other than that, personality is important. -Pizzaman
Ariadne Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I don't mind if a woman is overweight but TRIES to lose weight Haha.. She can be overweight as long as she is on a diet.
virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Haha.. She can be overweight as long as she is on a diet. Not on a diet but not purposely going to mcdonalds and gorging herself on junk food.
Ross PK Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 (edited) I would need to be physically attracted to her. Not that I'd need to think she looks amazing or anything, but there'd need to be some physical attraction, otherwise no matter how good her personality is, I just can't imagine being able to enjoy kissing her or having sex with her, things just wouldn't work. Does that make me superficial? I wouldn't think so, I'm sure the way I feel is pretty normal and it's how most guys feel. Edited November 15, 2009 by Ross PK
deux ex machina Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I can relate. From what I understand of American notions of beauty, they seem to be strongly influenced by porn rather than an underlying appreciation of beauty for its own sake. There should be a fairly pair of silicon breasts, and an overall glossy, plastic sheen about the body. The face must be pretty in either a slightly bitchy or a child-like way - but not interesting, striking or soulful enough to distract the viewer's attention away from the body, or provoke an emotional response. That concept of "beauty" cheapens the word, but I think there is a strong tendency, in the US, to either disparage other cultures' notions of beauty - or recreate them in a blander "improved" form. Looking only at the technicalities of "what do I consider makes that beautiful, and how can I mimic it - and use my technical knowledge to even improve upon it?" A kind of karaoke singer's approach towards beauty. Calls to mind a conversation I had years ago with a friend. She was lovely, in appearance and in spirit. Yet the prevailing "look" here in the United States hadn't included the characteristics she had under the label "beauty." Her stance was she wanted her culture to be represented in the media, however she was concerned that those very attributes that she had that made her unique would become bland, as you say. Homogenized. Here it is years later, and I'd say she was justified in her POV.
Vertex Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 (edited) Honestly, if a girl's personality is great, then I'd say the physical aspect need only be average at worst. That is to say, most girls are pretty as long as they take care of themselves and make an effort. Girls who are vastly overweight don't appeal to me not only because it isn't visually appealing, but it's usually indicative of an unhealthy lifestyle, which I wouldn't click with well. So to this extent I am "superficial," but I don't think having a physical standard automatically makes someone superficial. I think you cross the line if you're placing way too much importance on physical aspects while passing up girls who would be a better fit for you in terms of personality. Edited November 15, 2009 by Vertex
Ariadne Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Not on a diet but not purposely going to mcdonalds and gorging herself on junk food. Ah, I see what you mean. More of a healthy lifestyle.
Taramere Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 You hit the nail on the head with the bolded part. But I would qualify it by saying this is how a lot of American men perceive beauty. Women seem to appreciate a wider range of facial types. If you look at fashion models (who are largely selected by gay men and women) they tend to be more striking and interesting looking than porn stars. I agree. Comparing two women - Christy Turlington in her prime, and Megan Fox as she is now. They both have very photogenic features, but they project very different qualities in their photographs. Christy Turlington is a natural looking beauty who projects a combination of elegance and sensitivity. Megan Fox, on the other hand, projects little more than an "available to the highest bidder" cynicism in her photos. I think that, combined with very evidently surgically assisted photogenic features, is a down and dirty, commercially minded approach that a lot of men would find sexually attractive as well as easy to relate to.
threebyfate Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I agree. Comparing two women - Christy Turlington in her prime, and Megan Fox as she is now. They both have very photogenic features, but they project very different qualities in their photographs. Christy Turlington is a natural looking beauty who projects a combination of elegance and sensitivity. Megan Fox, on the other hand, projects little more than an "available to the highest bidder" cynicism in her photos. I think that, combined with very evidently surgically assisted photogenic features, is a down and dirty, commercially minded approach that a lot of men would find sexually attractive as well as easy to relate to.This is the nature of current society, to value sexuality, above everything else.
deux ex machina Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Kind of like..."luxury fever", except this is regarding our bodies. I do think that when you love someone, you kind of have love goggles, and the person then becomes attractive. It just depends on the sensibilities an individual has...timing...any number of things can make someone desirable in our eyes.
Johnny M Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 That said, this could be a cultural thing. I've noticed just by reading this dating board that North Americans have a tendency to objectify and rationalise everything - I think this is part of the perfection driven plastic surgery driven society. Whereas I find Europe to be much more natural and less plastic - this is why we in the UK come out with amazing music I wouldn't put the UK in the same category as the rest of Europe. From my experience, the Brits are culturally more similar to Americans than Europeans (makes sense, since America is an ex-colony of Britain).
clv0116 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Anyone? I mean if you have some minimal standards for attractiveness but you'd still date a girl who was just average and had a personality you really liked? I have some reasonable appearance requirements and a lot of it after that is attitude and how good she is in the sack. I guess that's probably worse than just wanting looks but there it is.
johan Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I'm only responding to this thread because I know you're hot, shadow. And while I've never really given it much thought, I think your personality might actually be good. If it isn't, it certainly isn't bad enough to outweigh your hotness.
Author shadowplay Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 I'm only responding to this thread because I know you're hot, shadow. And while I've never really given it much thought, I think your personality might actually be good. But it certainly isn't bad enough to outweigh your hotness. LOL, thanks...I think?
johan Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Megan Fox blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Megan Fox, Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... . Oh, yeah. I agree. She's great isn't she. Wow.
Citizen Erased Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Oh, yeah. I agree. She's great isn't she. Wow. You can be such a clown sometimes.
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