shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Anyone? I mean if you have some minimal standards for attractiveness but you'd still date a girl who was just average and had a personality you really liked?
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 shadow, you only need one thread, not three You're right. I got a little carried away there.
Midnight Rider Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I would date an average girl if she had a nice personality, of course. I'm a guy, a primitive animal.. I like beer, hockey, cars. You know?
BobSacamento Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Lets be honest. If a woman found out a guy was dating her for her personality and not because she was good looking, she would be devastated.
Midnight Rider Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Good point Bob. Can you please grab me another beer.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Lets be honest. If a woman found out a guy was dating her for her personality and not because she was good looking, she would be devastated. Are you serious? I would be flattered.
BobSacamento Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Are you serious? I would be flattered. Would you follow it up with - "Do you think I'm good looking?" or just leave it at that. Would you be satisfied?
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Would you follow it up with - "Do you think I'm good looking?" or just leave it at that. Would you be satisfied? I'd probably ask him if he found me attractive. If the answer was yes, I'd be happy. If he told me I wasn't conventionally good looking but he found me attractive, that would be cool with me. I'd rather a guy liked me for my personality, because that lasts.
BobSacamento Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I'd probably ask him if he found me attractive. If the answer was yes, I'd be happy. If he told me I wasn't conventionally good looking but he found me attractive, that would be cool with me. I'd rather a guy liked me for my personality, because that lasts. What if he said - "Looks aren't important to me."
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 What if he said - "Looks aren't important to me." And didn't qualify that with "I am attracted to you" ? THAT would suck.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 What if he said - "Looks aren't important to me." Well, I might be concerned if he evaded my question about whether or not he was attracted to me. I wouldn't want to be with a guy who wasn't attracted to me because it wouldn't last. If he were attracted to me for my personality that would be cool. I would just want to know that he was attracted to me period. If he said something like "Of course I'm attracted to you, but looks aren't important to me," that would be a perfect answer.
BobSacamento Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Well, I might be concerned if he evaded my question about whether or not he was attracted to me. I wouldn't want to be with a guy who wasn't attracted to me because it wouldn't last. If he were attracted to me for my personality that would be cool. I would just want to know that he was attracted to me period. If he said something like "Of course I'm attracted to you, but looks aren't important to me," that would be a perfect answer. Do you think the majority of women feel that way? I'm sort of shocked.
Rudderless Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 you'd still date a girl who was just average and had a personality you really liked? Your question is totally flawed. Seriously, does any guy describe or think of his girlfriend as "average"? Do you listen to "average" music? Love an "average" film? Just because something isn't formulated to someone elses ideal standards doesn't mean you think it's in any way average.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Do you think the majority of women feel that way? I'm sort of shocked. Depends on the woman. I'm sure there are a lot of girls out there like me who are fed up with superficial men. More vain, superficial women may feel differently.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Your question is totally flawed. Seriously, does any guy describe or think of his girlfriend as "average"? Do you listen to "average" music? Love an "average" film? Just because something isn't formulated to someone elses ideal standards doesn't mean you think it's in any way average. Well, aren't there guys who initially think a girl is average looking, fall in love with her and then warm up to her appearance? I don't know...that's why I ask. Maybe a better question would be how often do guys fall for girls who most other men might consider average looking? When you say an average song/film that's different because you're typically judging it on its substance and nothing else. A better question might be would I like a film that had an average cover, posters and marketing (surface stuff)? The answer is yes.
Els Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Can I raise my hand on behalf of the bf? Your question is totally flawed. Seriously, does any guy describe or think of his girlfriend as "average"? Do you listen to "average" music? Love an "average" film? Just because something isn't formulated to someone elses ideal standards doesn't mean you think it's in any way average. It is possible to be at least somewhat objective about how your partner looks by society's general standards. I'd certainly say my guy isn't the hottest in town - decent-looking, but really, his greatest strengths lie elsewhere. And that's just how I like it.
Cora Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I have to agree. I would much rather a guy like me for my personality rather than my looks. I will admit that I would ba a little hurt if he flat out told me "I'm sorry, but you have nothing going for you looks wise and the reason I'm attracted to you has nothing to do with your physical appearance." However, I'm pretty darn unattractive physically, so I have to expect that. I just have to hope that if a guy ends up with me that I would be beautiful at least in his eyes.
always_searching Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Do you think the majority of women feel that way? I'm sort of shocked. I feel that way. I mean, I would prefer him to just stop at "I find you attractive." LOL, but if he continued with "and looks aren't that important to me," then I would be fine and, yes, still flattered. I would be glad for the honesty. I suppose I prefer less superficial men, because I am not superficial myself. Most people I fall for are not conventionally attractive, but after I fall for them: they're hot as hell as far as I'm concerned. I want a guy to feel the same way about me.
Rudderless Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Well, aren't there guys who initially think a girl is average looking, fall in love with her and then warm up to her appearance? I don't know...that's why I ask. Maybe a better question would be how often do guys fall for girls who most other men might consider average looking? When you say an average song/film that's different because you're typically judging it on its substance and nothing else. A better question might be would I like a film that had an average cover, posters and marketing (surface stuff)? The answer is yes. I don't agree with you. One person can look at someone and think they are attractive, someone else can look at someone and think they're totally not! I don't think human beings, by nature, judge the things that have an affect on them objectively. They only judge things on what pushes their buttons. What you're describing is warming up to someone who doesn't push your buttons initially, which is nothing to do with whether they're average looking or not. That said, this could be a cultural thing. I've noticed just by reading this dating board that North Americans have a tendency to objectify and rationalise everything - I think this is part of the perfection driven plastic surgery driven society. Whereas I find Europe to be much more natural and less plastic - this is why we in the UK come out with amazing music
BobSacamento Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I feel that way. I mean, I would prefer him to just stop at "I find you attractive." LOL, but if he continued with "and looks aren't that important to me," then I would be fine and, yes, still flattered. I would be glad for the honesty. I suppose I prefer less superficial men, because I am not superficial myself. Most people I fall for are not conventionally attractive, but after I fall for them: they're hot as hell as far as I'm concerned. I want a guy to feel the same way about me. I would be offended.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 I don't agree with you. One person can look at someone and think they are attractive, someone else can look at someone and think they're totally not! I don't think human beings, by nature, judge the things that have an affect on them objectively. They only judge things on what pushes their buttons. What you're describing is warming up to someone who doesn't push your buttons initially, which is nothing to do with whether they're average looking or not. That said, this could be a cultural thing. I've noticed just by reading this dating board that North Americans have a tendency to objectify and rationalise everything - I think this is part of the perfection driven plastic surgery driven society. Whereas I find Europe to be much more natural and less plastic - this is why we in the UK come out with amazing music If you consider how much what men find attractive is influenced by the culture that they belong to...you realize that a society's standards play a huge role in what individual guys find attractive. I don't think it's ingrained at birth, but most men do pay attention to what guys around them like and go for the same thing if they can get it.
Sakakawea Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I can't really answer, but I'm not a man. But two of my male friends, who are young adults, who both value personality a lot more than looks. I was also talking to a guy I know, he's 15. You know boys at that age, he used to talk about girls he wanted to sleep with because he found them hot and such. But, today I was talking to him, and he said he realized something important. And he said that all women were beautiful, and not many guys realize it at that age. And he said if he realized this earlier, he wouldn't have wasted his time chasing women just cause they were hot. He also told me this say. When a man says you're hot, he's looking at your body. When a man says you're pretty, he's looking at your face. When a man says you're beautiful, he's looking at your soul.
Rudderless Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 If you consider how much what men find attractive is influenced by the culture that they belong to...you realize that a society's standards play a huge role in what individual guys find attractive. I don't think it's ingrained at birth, but most men do pay attention to what guys around them like and go for the same thing if they can get it. Perhaps so, but guys also have to choose who to be around and who to listen to. Would your friend judge your girlfriend as being "average", unless you're a fish out of water with the people you choose to socialise with I don't think so. Like tends to feel more comfortable with like, not with putting themselves on a sliding scale with everyone else in it's entirety and seeing how high they can get. That's why I disagree when you talk about "society's standards". I don't really pay much attention to it, and I'm pretty sure my guy friends don't either.
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