tigressA Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 (edited) This guy I met a week ago is so sweet. We went on a date last night; we went to an open-mic night at a coffeehouse and then got dinner. At the restaurant we were sitting on the same side of the booth--his suggestion--and we were really close together the whole time, holding hands, lots of eye contact. We watched a movie at my house; he kissed me, he slept over--clothes were still on though, and nothing happened beyond kissing. Earlier today he IMed me via Facebook and said that my new default picture was really cute and he wanted to say he had a great time with me last night. He got out of a pretty serious relationship little more than 2 weeks ago in which his ex had cheated. I got out of a reconciliation attempt with my ex that went nowhere, earlier this week--Tuesday. Being completely honest with myself, yeah this guy had something to do with the breakup. Monday after class when we hung out I was finding myself intensely attracted to him, and I had already been having gravely serious doubts about the reconciliation. We admitted to having noticed each other weeks before either of us said a single word of acknowledgment. The whole thing was fate. If I had bothered to say a single word to him before the day I did and we had become friends, I would've been friendzoned into oblivion because of his ex, and not in the position I am now. Last night at dinner he said that both his exes' names begin with "A"--mine does too. In fact if I were next in line--and it seems like it's going that way--it would even be in alphabetical order, hah! This all seems too cute, too coincidental, the timing, the intense attraction. This has never happened to me before and I'm having a lot of fun so far, but I feel like something's going to happen to throw it all off course. I'm trying to play it cool but it's hard. He's so unlike any of the guys I've dated and usually go for, and in the best ways. We have so much in common--not only the important things, but also not-so-important, fun things--so naturally, I'm really into him. I would really like him to be my boyfriend. I just have to shake this slight pessimism I've got going on now. Just because things are going so well now doesn't mean that they're going to crash and burn. But it doesn't mean I can just put the pedal to the metal, either. Edited November 15, 2009 by tigressA
crazy_grl Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I'm so happy your date went well. You two sound like a cute couple! I am a little worried though, only because the things you're describing sound a lot like what I just went through around 2 months ago. I ended a relationship and started dating a guy who I think is amazing. When I met him, it felt like I'd already known him forever. I usually have a hard time talking to people I just meet, but I didn't at all with him. We ended up moving too fast, but not deliberately. We just didn't check ourselves. He lives next to me, so it was easy to see each other almost every day. Things did kind of crash and burn. I think a large part of it was that I still missed my ex. Even though I realized we weren't going to work out, things would still remind me of him. I ended up spending so much time with the new guy that I didn't have any time to myself get over the break-up. I started to feel pressured, and I started doing some things unintentionally that pushed him away and made him think I didn't like him. We're in a starting over mode now where we're going to go much slower and see each other less often. I'm not sure if it'll work out, but I hope so. Not that I want to discourage you or worry you more. Just make sure you're both giving yourselves enough space to get over your previous relationships. As you two hang out more, don't be afraid to talk about it. (I know I told you not to talk to him about it yet, but that was because you still hadn't had your first real date Not really first date talk.) Things can work out great.
Rudderless Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 That is cute. Enjoy it, see where it goes. I've been in this situation before - it didn't work out but retrospectively there was a good reason for that and it helped me heal from the previous relationship. You're both just out of recent relationships so maybe this is something you both need right now.
Scarlett513 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I'm glad you've met a nice guy, but I do have to add, beware of the charismatic, too good-to-be-true type of guy. I'm not saying he IS a jerk, just reminding you to take things slow and REALLY get to know him before losing your head. I don't mean to get you down, I just speak from experience - what you've described sounds an awful lot like a relationship I had... only mind ended badly and it turned out I didn't really know the first thing about him after 6 months. Fingers crossed this goes better for you! =)
tincanman99 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 He only got out of a relationship 2 weeks ago and is already behaving like this? Way to much too soon. This guy was hurt as were you. Just be careful and dont be surprised if he does an about face one day.
Author tigressA Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 He only got out of a relationship 2 weeks ago and is already behaving like this? Way to much too soon. This guy was hurt as were you. Just be careful and dont be surprised if he does an about face one day. Well, I wasn't hurt at all--I was the one who ended things with my ex, both times. There wasn't really anything there at all between us for awhile. So I've been fine...I am a bit worried about his situation though. We haven't seen each other since our date but we did talk yesterday. He hasn't had contact with his ex since she came to pick up her stuff last weekend; he got rid of all the pics he had of them on Facebook/untagged himself from others he was in that weren't his, etc, they're not friends on there anymore. Except for our conversations earlier this week when I encouraged him to open up about it, he doesn't talk about her, and he hasn't said a single bad word against her. Thing is, her new boyfriend--the guy she cheated with--has been messing with him, sending him rude messages and whatnot. He hasn't responded, but I could tell he was pretty upset when he told me about it. I know she'd relocated to a different state, and that combined with her infidelity, there's like zero chance of them getting back together, but you're all right in saying there still is a chance for us to burn out if things move too quickly.
Author tigressA Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 Okay, so...his mom's invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. At first I was like, "Um...I really don't know about that" but after giving it some thought I'm feeling like, "Why not?" I don't think his family would try to put their noses into whatever's going on between us, trying to suss out if we're an item yet or not. Plus it would be an ideal opportunity to get to know him and his family better--see more of how he interacts with them, how he treats them, etc. I'm thinking of taking him up on the offer. Good idea?
The Way I Am Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Okay, so...his mom's invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. At first I was like, "Um...I really don't know about that" but after giving it some thought I'm feeling like, "Why not?" I don't think his family would try to put their noses into whatever's going on between us, trying to suss out if we're an item yet or not. Plus it would be an ideal opportunity to get to know him and his family better--see more of how he interacts with them, how he treats them, etc. I'm thinking of taking him up on the offer. Good idea? I don't know. In my case, I was hanging out with my guy's family, too. I liked spending time with them, but I went back and forth between thinking it was cool and thinking it was too soon. (Also, I was the one to break up with my ex, too. I had broken up with him a couple times before as well, and I'd known for awhile that it wasn't going to work out. Be careful that you're not fooling yourself into thinking you're perfectly fine with it when you're not.) If you don't have anywhere else to go for Thanksgiving, then it's better than being all alone I suppose. If you have family or friends to go with instead, do that. His family dinner could be like the awkwardness of when his friend saw you two together multiplied by about 100. (PS, I decided to get a new username, but hopefully I'm still recognizable by the avi)
Author tigressA Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 I'm talking to him now and I brought that up to him, that the dinner might feel like how it was when we were out on Friday. But the girl who stopped at our table isn't really one of his friends, just an acquaintance, and she did seem needlessly catty and provocative by bringing up his ex when it was obvious the two of us were out on a date, and asking us how long we'd been together, etc. I already met his mom and one of his brothers and they seem really cool. He's really close with his family, especially his mom, and they know the situation between us, so I think awkwardness would be much less likely there. And neither of us are interested in pursuing anyone else, if that means anything. We're not official yet of course; we're just on the path toward that.
boldjack Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 These family affairs can go really good or really bad. I went to a Ladies family Christmas once and the whole family spent the night, third-degreeing me. I could not get out of there fast enough. I went to another Ladies family reunion, and it was loads of fun, and not awkward at all. The best way of doing this type of thing is to meet the family informally, first. Like you have. This will give you a "heads-up", on whether to accept the invitation. I think you are good -to-go.
Author tigressA Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 These family affairs can go really good or really bad. I went to a Ladies family Christmas once and the whole family spent the night, third-degreeing me. I could not get out of there fast enough. I went to another Ladies family reunion, and it was loads of fun, and not awkward at all. The best way of doing this type of thing is to meet the family informally, first. Like you have. This will give you a "heads-up", on whether to accept the invitation. I think you are good -to-go. Thanks, boldjack! Yeah, I would really love to have dinner with them, so I'm going to take them up on the offer. Like I said, I think seeing how your partner/prospective partner interacts with their family can tell you a lot about them. So even if it does turn out to be awkward, which I don't think it will, it'll still be a way of getting to know him better.
northstar1 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I'm talking to him now and I brought that up to him, that the dinner might feel like how it was when we were out on Friday. But the girl who stopped at our table isn't really one of his friends, just an acquaintance, and she did seem needlessly catty and provocative by bringing up his ex when it was obvious the two of us were out on a date, and asking us how long we'd been together, etc. I already met his mom and one of his brothers and they seem really cool. He's really close with his family, especially his mom, and they know the situation between us, so I think awkwardness would be much less likely there. And neither of us are interested in pursuing anyone else, if that means anything. We're not official yet of course; we're just on the path toward that. Tigress, I don't think the dinner invite is a big deal. I've been invited to family dinners early on with girls Iv'e dated. What I do find a bit concerning is how fast he is moving on this after such a recent breakup. Please be careful.
DustySaltus Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 He's out of a relationship two weeks and you are out of a reconciliation attempt less than a week ago? Now, you're talking about going over his house for Thanksgiving dinner? This is INSANE. You are moving WAYYYYY too fast with this guy. This has rebound written all over it. I think he is trying to fill a void right now. I hope i'm wrong but just be aware.
Author tigressA Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Yeah, he may be trying to fill a void. It's so confusing. Like I've already said, I've just never been in this situation before. I'm not trying to fill a void. I was perfectly okay with the idea of being single after splitting from my ex. While I did find myself attracted to this guy, I didn't expect this to happen, but it did. There's something there between us and it's intense; we both feel it. What am I supposed to do, just stop seeing him until he's totally sure he's over his ex? How am I to know for sure that he's over her? I have to trust him on some level, don't I? And I do. How am I supposed to be careful, exactly? People are telling me to be careful and I don't really know how, besides not having sex with him, and the two of us already have said we're holding off on that for awhile longer. So someone please enlighten me on this "being careful" business.
CLC2008 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 He's out of a relationship two weeks and you are out of a reconciliation attempt less than a week ago? Now, you're talking about going over his house for Thanksgiving dinner? This is INSANE. You are moving WAYYYYY too fast with this guy. This has rebound written all over it. I think he is trying to fill a void right now. I hope i'm wrong but just be aware. Plus this: He got out of a pretty serious relationship little more than 2 weeks ago in which his ex had cheated. What's cute about this? Hey, stranger things have happened. Even still, it's only been two weeks.......TWO WEEKS!
boogieboy Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Just watch his actions, not his words. There are clues to know if he isnt over his ex. But Ive been heartbroken over a woman before, and then met someone who made me completely forget about the ex. You might know if you are that person to make him forget, you might not. I say take the chance. YOu have cautions in your head now, anything weird happening wont surprise you.
Author tigressA Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Just watch his actions, not his words. There are clues to know if he isnt over his ex. Okay, what kinds of clues? Well, I know that he doesn't talk about her--he only talked about her when I asked; we had a couple of deep, opening up-type conversations in which I also disclosed things about my last relationship. He hasn't been in contact with her. He hasn't said anything remotely mean or cruel about her. Is there anything else I should be looking for? I just am getting frustrated when people are telling me to "Be careful" and they're not elaborating on that. Just "Be careful!" Argh.
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