betamanlet Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Totally offtopic, but is your name taken from the twilight zone episode?
Stockalone Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 (edited) Stockalone, I looked at your photos and you're definitely cute. I have no idea why you'd have trouble attracting women. Maybe you came off as unconfident somehow? Thanks. Basically, once I started asking questions, the verdict was that I am desperate and lack confidence and that there are other character flaws that I didn't see as a bad thing. I had no idea what was "wrong" with me. Before that, I just thought that women didn't like the way I look. However, those are pictures from a different life. The reason I mentioned this is because you might give off a certain vibe you yourself don't even notice. That's why I think it could help if you have some friends "monitoring" you and have them tell you what they see. Ideally, you'd need the opinions of the guys who turned you down. But I am not sure how well that works. They might hold back, refuse to answer such questions or think that you are completely weird for asking such questions in the first place. I'd stick to the opinion of friends first and then see if that brings results and if there is something that you'd be willing to change a bit if needed. Edited November 15, 2009 by Stockalone
spookie Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Also, Jaytb, I am bummed that things are not more equal. Why doesn't a girl that has kind of cute face, is somewhat out of shape but not fat and is smart get lots of attention? I am just saying that guy with those qualities = WIN Girl = completely dateless. I don't know, looking at the couples I know, I'd beg to differ. Couples I know: -60% cute, smart, funny guy, obese or really ugly girl -40% average but successful girl, below-average loser I think people just tend to settle. I am not saying Shadow has unrealistic expectations, but to go for a couple years without meeting anyone who wants to date you whom you want to date, IMO, is not unreasonable.
spookie Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 SP, somewhere you mentioned that the guys you are attracted to typically go for either the hot social butterfly, or the brown-haired girl with glasses. It is pretty superficial to decide what someone must be like inside based on their looks. But by going for the same artsy ashsoles, aren't you doing the same thing? Perhaps if you thought outside the box, you'd have more success? Of course, I do see the appeal of having shared interests, but if you're having no luck with these guys, maybe it wouldn't hurt to try something new.
crazy_grl Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 BTW, shadowplay. You said somewhere that men have turned you down even just for sex, and you took that as an indicator that you weren't attractive. Believe it or not, but men will turn down a woman for sex based on more than just what she looks like (unless the guy is just dumb or desperate to get laid). I just remembered a guy friend of mine who told me a few years ago about this girl that wanted to have sex with him. He had no problem with the way she looked, but she seemed pretty desperate and clingy to him. He hadn't had sex in months, but he turned her down, because he didn't want to deal with the aftermath. She got turned down because of her personality, not her looks. With your body, unless your face is completely hideous, men aren't going to turn you down for sex based only on your looks. (And I think you'd know if you were hideous based on the grossed-out looks you'd get -- so I think we can safely say you're not.) The only thing left is that they're turning you down because you seem either clingy/needy, desperate, or just plain weird. Your problem isn't that men are completely superficial. It's that they're NOT. If they were, they'd be into you, because by all indications, you're attractive. You seem like a lovely, intelligent girl, but for some reason, you're not putting that out there in your personality for men to see. You need to work on your personality, it's as simple as that. You can sit around and blame your problems on men and/or your face and be miserable if you want, but I suggest you go see a therapist to try to work on what really needs fixing.
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